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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

What's in my head

I am a big thinker. I think, I analyse, I think again. Sometimes I will get so sick of thinking that I will just make a snap decision and do something. It's annoying, it's frustrating, it's who I am.

At the moment I have a few things going on in my brain that I just need to get out somewhere.

Ok, not the topic you were thinking of right? I have started dating again after starting to feel happier about myself and where I am with my body. I have been on a few dates and met some nice guys.. but no spark. No sizzle. No.. anything.

In the past, part of the reason I didn't date much was that I always assumed that the reason I hadn't met anyone was because of me. It was me that needed to be fixed or wasn't quite right or at my best. It was because I was too fat, too shy, liked my books over walks etc etc.

Now I am right back at that same spot again and all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and refocus on getting me 'right'. Fixing all my problems in time to me the right one.

How insane does that sound? And yet I am struggling to not give in again.

I am struggling more and more with dairy. Everything I eat seems to make me sick, which in turn makes me unhappy and feeling gross which makes me either want to just lay down and not move or find some sort of food that doesn't make me sick.

Plus I have been super stressed and tired lately (Headache's again argh) and this means that I haven't been making lunches and snacks like I normally would. I have been spending a bit more money so that I buy healthier options, but sometimes I just slip.

This doesn't make me happy. I WANT to do better. I WANT to be healthier. I WANT to lose that last bit of weight and get down to a happy size 14. And yet I can't seem to summon up the energy or enthusiasm to be able to follow through.

So I am going to go see a naturopath and see whether they can help me with my dietary problems and hopefully put me on the right path.

I am so sick of my family at the moment. Mostly my Sister and her Partner. They are on a massive health fix at the moment and it is driving me insane.

They will spend up to $250 on food for one person in a week. How insane is that!!!

That's because her Partner is on some high protein diet and he eats good quality steak like 4 times a day. I don't know how he isn't sick of it yet.

It seems to be working for them and I am happy for them. But oh my god I just wish they would be more considerate. They constantly judge us on what food we eat, because it might have some cheese or pasta in it. They cook for themselves and not the rest of us. But when we cook there's a 50/50 chance of them eating. You just never know. It's just not fair.

And it is so frustrating hearing them tell me what I should be doing. Just because they have had some success on a radical fad diet does not mean they have the right or the knowledge to tell me how to lose weight. I am doing it the right way, with diet and exercise and losing weight consistently over long term.

These are just a few of the swirls of thoughts going round my head. There is more, like travel plans, problems with friends, work, work and more work... it just keeps going and I feel like I barely have a chance to breathe and catch up and get myself in a good place again. I feel like I don't have time to relax and concentrate on me. Just me. No one else.

I hope I can find some time soon to stop and relax. To process and refocus. Soon, please.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Simple is the new mantra of Summer.

Finally we have some sunshine here in Perth! You can't imagine how happy that makes me!

I'm a real morning and daylight person. I pretty much go into hibernate mode as soon as the cold, night, chill creeps in. I'm sure you can appreciate how this might slow me down and affect my weight loss.. except this year I made a conscious effort to not skip my workouts. To make sure that I at least went to as many as I could unless I was sick and to eat a lot more soups than other comfort foods.

And it worked! Out of all my trainers clients she says I have made the most improvements this year, going from 2x 30min session and one boxing session late last year, to upping it to first 2 x hour long sessions, then adding the 2 boxing sessions and finally adding in the stairs session as well, as I realised I needed to keep pushing myself.

I now train a minimum of 3 times a week, often 5 times a week (group classes are cancelled from time to time due to numbers). And I feel great for it. I have noticed a huge improvement in my fitness and overall well being and stamina. Especially since starting doing the stairs. I have also lost cm's as proven by my clothes and need for new ones.

Something I realised is that if I didn't push myself over winter, it was only going to make it harder in summer. Because then I would have had the extra kgs over winter to lose as well, and less time to lose it.

While numbers on the scale is not what I am really care about, being able to look good and feel good in my clothes is. I want to be healthy. In all senses of the word.

As always, I am constantly tweaking and cutting back. I am not one of those people who can go all or nothing, instead I focus on one part of my diet and work hard to make that part right. Once I am used to say, not drinking soft drink or cutting back on coffee, then I tweak my diet somewhere else.

Eventually I would like to say that I create all my meals myself, including sauces and condiments, and that it is as organically produced as possible.

At the moment I have started concentrating on increasing my protein, but cutting back on my meat. I truly believe that we eat too much meat. Especially as both lunches and dinner can include meat of some sort, plus we eat larger portions than what we should. There is also a cost factor, which as someone soon to be a first home buyer, I need to keep in mind.

So at the moment I have been concentrating on not eating meat for lunch- by meat I mean I would usually eat chicken or ham in a sandwich. Instead I have been focusing on having vegetarian sandwich's with eggs and salad or roast vegetables or salmon with salad.

Since doing this I have felt unbelievably better. It took me a while to understand what the source was, but I eventually realised that by not eating meat so often I felt lighter and healthier. I was naturally eating more vegetables to help keep me full and this was also in turn making me want more healthy, vegetable laden meals.

Not to say that I am now eating vegetables with every meal and pretty much a vegetarian. I'm not. As I live at home, I often have limited choices with meals. But all in all my diet is much better than what it was.

My next step will be to improve my snacks (which aren't bad, but I need something a bit more filling so I'm not tempted by that piece of chocolate in the afternoon) and start improving dinners.

Other things, non-diet related, that I have been working on, is getting back in touch with my creative side. I am proud to say that I have started painting again and that this makes me amazingly happy and relaxed on the weekends.

I also have decided 'simple' is going to be mantra this summer. Simple living, simple clothes, simple room, simple meals, simple lifestyle. Nothing complicated or hard. Nothing cluttered and meaningless. Quality over quantity, essentially. No more wasting time or money on cheap jewellery or clothes when I can buy one good pair of jeans or dress which will last longer and do more for me.

It's time to start appreciating the small things in life; sunshine, friends, family. Not spending money on material possessions.

It's time to keep things Simple. :)

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Something that hurts

Something that always manages to hurt is other people's snide comments about what I eat. They seem to think that because they catch me eating a piece of chocolate or some hot chips that it gives them the right to criticise what I am doing.

They seem to think that just because I am not 100% sugar free, wheat free, dairy free etc etc that I don't eat healthy. That I am not doing 'enough'.

It makes me so angry and then it makes me sad.

Because every time I hear those comments I wonder why I don't push myself more, why I don't make those simply changes. Why I don't go harder, faster, longer...

It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. As if I'm the failure.

Despite going from not exercising at all to exercising 5 times a week.

From constantly snacking in my room after dinner to not snacking after dinner at all.

From barely touching fruit to eating fruit every morning, and feeling weird when I don't.

From skipping breakfast to eating cereal or wholegrain toast with boiled eggs every morning.

From shovelling fast food into me while in my car when I was hungry but too ashamed for anyone to see what I was eating.

From having fast food almost every week to less than once a month.

From drinking soft drink or juice every week to next to nothing.

From cutting back my meat consumption and increasing my fish and vegetables.

From going from someone who was about to go into a size 20 pants to someone who has to now go into a size 16. One size away from my goal.

From someone who was ashamed and disgusted with themselves and what their body looked like to someone who has finally rediscovered their confidence and joy in life. Who is HAPPY and who is HEALTHY and who is constantly improving.

Yes I am not 100% organic, sugar and wheat free. But my god I am a billion times better than what I was .


Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Mixing it up and increasing my sessions: bring on the new me!

So I have swapped my workout routine around. Hopefully it should help me to fit more workouts in overall.

What did I change?
Well normally I work out 4-5 times a week between 5.30-6.30pm, this included 2 x PT sessions, 2x GX boxing sessions and an occasional stairs session.

But often what happens is something will come up at work or I'll be invited out by friends after work which often results in a) cancelling my session or b) missing out on being with friends.

Also recently I have started volunteering with my local shire to help with an October event and they meet at Wednesday's at 6.30 pm.

So to stop myself from the temptation of cancelling my sessions and so that I can enjoy some free time after work to meet friends and get those annoying chores out of the way I have swapped my 2 PT sessions from Mon + Wed @ 5.30pm to Tues and Thurs @ 6am.

For the first time I will be working out in the morning.. this is going to be interesting!

I feel good about it though because I am less likely to cancel in the morning and it doesn't change my routine too much at all. I already get up at 6, so now I just get up a little bit earlier for my workout and get to work later.

I eventually want to get into a routine of working out every morning, even if it is as little as a walk/jog around the block in the mornings. I'll start slow and will eventually build up to working out 8 times a week.. well that's the plan anyways!

Since starting doing stairs I have noticed a real improvement in my overall fitness. Things like jogging, walking, bending, mountain climbers etc are all a lot easier. I think it's do with the type of movement- they all consist of bending my knees and lifting my legs.

For me as a pear, my bottom half is the part that needs the most improvement, not that my top half is amazing but it's a size to two sizes smaller.. anyways because I have always carried so much weight there I have always felt uncomfortable running, jogging and generally moving that area. This of course just meant it got worse not better.

So now finally I am tackling this issue and challenging myself and my body!

Once again diet is being re tweaked. I really fell off the bandwagon last week after jumping on the scales and being hugely disappointed. This is why I don't weigh myself!!! Now that I am over my binge I'm back to being motivated to getting myself down to where I need to be.

While I love that I have changed shape and that people can see the difference, the scales are still not reflecting my commitment. And amongst other things I want the scales to say 70-75 kilos. I don't mind being higher than that if I feel like my body is in a good place, but I still think I should aim for a healthy BMI.

I had a taste of mixed martial arts last night and really enjoyed it. It was very different but really practical, in the sense that you could actually use the moves should you need to defend yourself. Something I find quite reassuring being a young female.

So let's see how the new work out routine goes and hopefully if all goes well I'll be adding in more flexible workouts- walks and jogs etc to the routine and maybe by the end of this year I might actually see some results on the scales as well.. one can only hope!

Thursday, 25 July 2013


I don't often post about what sort of work outs I do each week, mostly because I assume people are aware of the different work outs you can do and because this blog is pretty much just for me to blurt out all my feelings about weight loss.

So lately I have been working out quite a bit. Well at least for me I have. I have been doing 2 x hour PT sessions a week, 2 X GX Boxing sessions and when I miss one as I have had to work late, I have been doing a stairs session.


This is amazing. I changed from going to the gym to getting a PT over a year ago now. I started doing just 2 x 30 minutes a week and I could immediately tell the difference between PT and going to the gym. Unless you're dedicated, motivated and educated in the different exercises you can and should do, I feel like the gym can be a bit of waste of time.

For example I would go to the gym 3x a week, work out for at least 45 minutes and just do cardio, bike riding mostly. Just because I thought that would be what burnt calories and what I was comfortable doing. I definitely wasn't comfortable doing weights or classes and I always tried to go to the gym at off peak times to avoid being seen by others. Yes I was afraid of being judged.

PT pushes me, it challenges me to do things with my body that I would never have thought of doing. It has shown me time and time again that I am capable of more than I thought I was. It makes me feel strong and healthy and I keep going back despite the pain haha. This means to me that this is right for me.

Starting this year I stared doing 2x 1 hour session after some pushing from my trainer. My trainer thought I wouldn't come back after my hour session! But I realised that I could do it and that I needed to constantly push myself to keep going and not plateau. This is where GX came in.


GX Boxing

GX is a form of high intensity boxing. Or rather exercising using boxing moves. So no fighting in the ring! We do several punch/kick combinations, each one 3 times and rotating with your partner. (You hit, they hit etc) The first time is to get used to the moves, the second is for strength (hit as hard as you can) and third for speed.

After your punches/kicks we always end with 2 minute knock out rounds. This is where my trainer (who runs these classes) chooses 3 exercises and we have to do each one for 2 minutes. This could be squats, lunges, burpees, push ups, planks, sit ups etc etc it changes constantly.

It is amazing and sweaty and makes you feel strong and powerful and even 6 months in I still feel it the next day.


Stairs is something I have only recently started doing. Again from being pushed by my trainer. She runs a class on Thursday nights at the local stairs (30 steps approx). Usually we do something like 5 (up and down) stairs then push ups. 5 stairs, tricep dips, 5 stairs something else. Usually about 25-30 stairs before ending with an ab workout.

It is exhausting and I hate it. But it is a great work out and means that I can keep doing 4 sessions a week even if I miss one of my other classes.

The main thing I love about these work outs is that they challenge me. I never feel like something is getting too easy, because the work outs are always changing and getting harder.

I also love the mix of weights and cardio. I love weights and I hate cardio, but I know I need to do cardio as well. I feel like I am building muscle and losing fat and slowly cardio is getting easier for me. Easier not Easy!

Last night I tried on some pants that I kept from when I was at my smallest. I can now get them up over my thighs but I cannot do them up. Needless to say I had mixed feelings. Joy that I could get them up so far and am so close to being back to where I used to be and disappointment that I was so small and let myself go and am still not at that point anymore.

Ah well. I am probably healthier and stronger mentally and physically than I was anyway. Always look on the bright side!

Monday, 22 July 2013

Inspiration: What keeps me going.

There are often days that you just wonder why? Why am I still doing this? Why do I put myself through this for no reason?

Why should I have to watch what I eat? Why should I have to exercise and be sore and tired all the time? Why, why why..

The reality is we know why. Or I know why. Because I didn't take care of my body. I didn't look after it, respect it, give it what it needed and deserved and I ended up overweight and over 100kgs before I took stock of myself and where I was going.

I realised that I did NOT want to be an overweight mother who couldn't run after her kids or who died early from a heart attack. I did NOT want to be the fat friend who constantly missed out on things. I did NOT want to say no because I was ashamed of my body.

And to make that happen means hard work. All the time. It means a lifestyle change, it means never going back.

But there are some days when the doubt creeps in, those days when everything seems too much and you just want a break or give up and cave in to your cravings and indulgences.

On these days it's good to stop, take a breath and remember why you started this journey in the first place.

For me it's about the above. It's also about me fitting into clothes that I've never felt comfortable wearing before (figure hugging clothing, a bikini, sexy lingerie etc) . It's about becoming the person I want to be, the person I see in my head.

I found this really great quote on a postcard today: 

"I want to experience it all. At this very moment. Without hesitation."

Which I think sums it up pretty well what I want- without hesitation. I don't want to hesitate because of my weight or insecurities. And that's why I keep struggling, keep moving, keep exercising and eating well and moving forward. Because one day, I can say that is me.

This is an example of what I would love to look like and wear. Though with a little more curves ;)

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Seeking balance and making new goals.

Lately I have been quite busy, with work and my social life, training and starting to date again.

It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.

Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.

A few things that have been happening lately:

I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.

I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.

I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.

I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.

I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!

I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!

Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!

This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D

As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Time for some photo's!

 Hi All. So I haven't blogging much recently, but its not like anyone follows this, so it's fine.

Anyway, last night a friend of mine posted some photo's up from over the last three years.. who know's where she has been storing them!

And I was amazed at the difference. Not just in style and in hair (in each photo I have different hair colour.. brown, blonde (reallly blonde) and to almost black.

But look at how much better my face looks in the top picture compared to this one! I have lost heaps of weight in my face now that I have cheek bones and lines and my double chin is decreasing.. YAY!

So I just wanted to share that I am still going, still plodding along, changing one meal at a time, still working out min of 3 times a week, sometimes 4-5. Starting new things, getting better clothes, feeling better and generally taking more care in my appearance and looks.

It's all coming together folks!

So to cap, the bottom photo is about 2-3 years ago now. The top photo is still about 6 months old.

This one is from the other night :)

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Embarrasing boxing sessions!

So last night was my GX boxing class at 5.30pm. I put on a pear of exercise pants that I haven't worn in a little while and head out the door.

We start getting into our boxing session, doing a lot of kicks and knee exercises and I can feel my pants starting to fall down. The first time we take a break I take off my gloves and haul my pants back up.

But then we start going a bit harder and faster and before I know it my trainer has to step in and pull my pants up because they're half way down my arse.

Thank god a) it's an all female class and b) I was wearing good undies!! It could have been soooo much worse.

All I can say is that at least my work outs and eating have payed off!

I still need to work on my eating habits, as I've slipped up a few times, but I have cut back a lot of my processed foods lately and upped my fruit and veg intake instead. Still struggling with portion sizes with some days acing it and others not so much. But the days where I am doing better is getting more and more. It's hard in winter when all you want is comfort food and to snuggle in bed.

At the moment I'm concentrating on reducing my sweets/chocolate intake as for a while there I was  having a chocolate (fun size) almost every day. That's not something I want to maintain!

I want to keep it to maybe once or twice a week, mostly on weekends when I might enjoy sharing a dessert over dinner or a muffin with a friend over coffee.

At the moment I'm about 3 times a week. So a lot better to what I was but still not where I want to be!
Here is a recent photo of me with my friends from a weekend away :)

Monday, 24 June 2013

Facing your insecurities

Everyone has insecurities.

Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.

I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.

Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.

Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.

I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?'  rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.

There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:

That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.

The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Updates on a dark and wintery morning

So while half the world is enjoying their summer, we in Australia are 'enjoying' our winter.

I get up at 6, and it is dark and cold and I must admit I struggle.

I also get home to dark and cold and I struggle.

Struggle with what? Eating, exercising, life.

I say this, but if you probably were to have a peak into my life you probably wouldn't see too many changes from summer to now. Less walks maybe, less fruit, more time spent in bed.

I haven't skipped any training sessions. So I'm still working out 4 times a week at this stage.

I am still improving my eating habits.. I want to cut back on cheese and sauces.

It's also been hard lately as my sister and her partner have moved back home. And they do not eat what I eat. And because they do not spend the first part of their evenings at training, they tend to be there when the decisions about what to eat for dinner are being made.

This has meant that I have had to come home and make separate meals for myself and means no leftovers for the next day. Meaning I have to buy my lunch. Which isn't too bad as there are lots of healthy places to eat around here. It does mean though I'm spending more money and time on food than I want to.

What do they eat that is so horrible? Lot's of creamy, heavy foods. Foods with a lot of pastry. Foods with everything chucked in without thought for taste.

I hate it.

But what can you do? It's just another part of life and moving on and dealing with the daily challenges of losing weight.

I have my day off from training tomorrow and plan to use it to make a few things in advance to tide me over for the next few days. Planning, planning, planning. It's the only way to successfully lose weight!

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Feeling the buzz!

I had a great weekend. I really did! Friday night I went to dinner with two of my besties at a new Japanese restaurant then headed to watch Fast and the Furious 6 at the movies. Unfortunately it was sold out so we watched Hangover 3 instead. Not as good but not bad.

Saturday I did part of my assignment for Interior Design, cleaned up the house and then headed out early for a friends birthday. We spent 6 hours at the pub catching up with old friends and having a great time before heading into the city to a club that's not really my scene. Me and a friend left shortly after as we weren't comfortable there and she was starting to feel a bit sick- probably because of all the strobe lights!

Sunday I did more of my assignment. It had been wet and windy all weekend and finally at about 4 me and my sister decided to brave the weather and take the dogs for a walk. I'm really glad we did, the dogs loved it and it was great to get outside and work off some energy. Unfortunately we got caught in the rain heading home, but nothing a nice hot shower couldn't fix!

I love it when my life is like this. Busy but with enough time to do things like cleaning and cooking. Spending time with friends and getting outside for a bit. It keeps me moving and active.

It made me realise how far my life has changed.

I used to spend weekends like this in bed reading or watching movies eating junk food.

I would never msg someone to organise something. I would wait for them to msg me.

I would never head out in the rain for a walk.

I never used to have this buzz of energy that needed to be worked off. That I felt like I should be doing something, rather than just sitting around.

I would have eaten far more than what I did. Actually I almost forgot to eat for most of the weekend. Except breakfast- I can't miss breakfast!

And the biggest change of all? I looked in the mirror and I could see the way my body had changed. No longer massive rolls showing through my dresses or jeans. No longer big hips and thighs making me a massive pear.

In the last few weeks I have lost even more weight and my work clothes are starting to be a problem - I will need to down size soon. :)

Soon I will need to post pictures! Happy Monday all!

Monday, 3 June 2013

Teeth, headaches, sunshine and Funruns!

Ok, so here is a bit of an update of what is happening over the last week or so:

I'm going halves with mum and building a house. Needless to say there is a lot of paperwork and stress and organising going on.

I have been getting headaches every day because I was grinding my teeth. So I had to get a splint (mouth guard) to wear at night. $500 dollars later and I no longer have headaches-hurray!!

Because of the headaches I wasn't getting much sleep and got sick and had to take a few days off life- work, exercise, friends. I just rested. Now I feel so much better!

It's coming into winter here and highlights just how much I love the sunshine. I get up early and I go to bed early, because of the daylight. Now of course there is so little daylight I get depressed and just want to sleep and read and snuggle in bed. This weekend was glorious and we had so much sunlight it was amazing. I felt like I spent most of it soaking it up, through walks or reading outdoors or playing with the dogs. Hopefully it lasts me a little while.

Yesterday instead of training we did a 6k Funrun with my trainer and a few of the other girls. I think I did alright. Running is something I absolutely hate and don't get. I jogged as much as I could and walked the rest. Today I'm so sore. But I feel good for giving something different a whirl and pushing myself to try stuff even if I don't like it.

I have been getting back into healthy eating again after slipping while I was tired and had headaches. It really is about being well rested and alert that keeps me on track. I'm finding that more and more I don't need to eat as much. I still get hungry regularly, but I don't eat as much at each sitting. I'm also craving fruit and salad rolls/sandwiches.

I got myself organised on the weekend- things like organising my paperwork and folders, clothes that need to be chucked out etc and now feel like my mind is a bit more organised too. Now I want to concentrate on getting myself to eat well all the time, not just Monday-Friday.

I also want to concentrate on giving myself so me time. I'm an introvert and really need to time to myself to process everything and centre myself and lately that's the first thing that gets thrown out the window.

So no more doing that! It might be doing a bit of arts and crafts or reading a book or a long shower and pamper session (doing my nails, a face mask etc) to just wind down.

Well that's the goal anyway! I'm still doing my exercise and doing well. Still losing weight and toning up, as shown by my loose exercise pants.

Happy Tuesday!

Oh wait! I forgot to tell you! I bought another pair of JEANS! Yes that's right, you heard me! Size 16! They look great on me and are actually comfy! :D

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Breaking the Hate Circle

Catching up on posts from some of my favourite bloggers I came across Diane's post here>

Sorry for some reason I can't hyperlink.

Anyways the blog is about judgemental blogging within the weight loss community.

I have been very lucky that I have never come across any of the bloggers/blogs that attack struggling weight loss bloggers but it doesn't surprise me to hear that they exist. If they exist in real life then why shouldn't they exist in cyberspace?

One particular comment really got to me:

"Haters are going to hate. I know I cannot fix or change them just like I cannot fix or change a person who does not want to stop binge eating or loose weight.
Draw a circle around the haters. Don’t go in there. We have that choice. We also have delete buttons, ways to block people. Underused in the hater world. There’s hate within every community out there.
Bravo for not linking to the sites. It’s what they thrive on. Any site that is commercial will get money for the clicks. Since I like the right to free speech, and I have limited time and the freedom to choose, I read what takes me further. It’s nice to have that power.
Don’t step inside that circle you’ve drawn around the hater. I won’t change the hater, but I can change me."- Karen.P.

Another commenter said "Most people struggling with weight issues are mean enough to themselves without outside meanness"

I love the first comment about drawing a circle around the hater. Protect yourself and don't let them affect your life and your struggle because life is hard enough without someone hating on you.

The second comment I think really nails it, we are own worst critic. More than any hate blogger we criticise our efforts daily- hourly even.

I am sure there are many people who if they read my blog might not have seen much progress in my weight loss journey and would like to think I'm not trying hard enough. Yet, if they were to have met me a year ago and were to meet me today they would be able to see the difference. Daily I am grateful that I made the choice to take my weight and life in order. I am fitter and getting fitter all the time. I can do squats, sit ups, crunches, lunges, dips, push ups, reverse push ups, burpees and all the different versions of them. Slowly I am getting better and doing more of them. I can run around the block without stopping. I can walk up stairs without panting. Small things which make such a difference in how we live our lives.

My confidence has increased immensely. I am happy with myself and my body again. My measurements have decreased and every time I put on something I haven't worn in a while I have room where I didn't before.

Am I depressed that I am not losing faster? That I haven't got down to my "ideal" weight? To be perfectly honest- no. I have lost weight fast before and each time I have put it back on. This time I don't want to put it back on, which means I have to do something different. I have to figure out all the mental and emotional issues that goes along with weight gain and loss, and that takes time.

So long as I continually strive to improve myself and my body I am happy with the smaller changes. I have lost weight, I have dropped dress sizes and I am actually not that far off from where I want to be.

I am not in a hurry.

I want to do this once and do it right.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Building blocks

Last week was a big week for me. Thursday night I sat down with mum and a man from Homebuyers Centre here in WA and by Friday afternoon I was building a house and had secured a block of land!

It's only a small block with 3x2 on it with a small courtyard out the back and double garage but for a young single person it's all I need right now.

I told my friends on Saturday night and they were equal parts excited and 'you crazy'. To them owning a home is too much of a commitment or simply costs too much. They look at me in surprise when I say that I managed to get my deposit together myself, it was just that the bank wanted me to pay my HECS (university fees) off first which I needed mum's help with.

I understand that they have higher living costs than I do. I live at home and contribute to bills and cooking and the food and all that but I don't pay rent.

On the other hand most of my friends are earning more than me or have been working for longer than me. I have only been full time for a year and a half. I'm 24 in September.

What it comes down to is motivation, focus and perseverance. I was lucky, I got used to living on a budget when I was at uni and haven't got out of the habit yet. Which means at the end of the first few months of working full time I realised I needed to set myself a goal or I wouldn't know what to do with my money. (Sounds silly doesn't it?) So I decided to get into the property market. Here in WA houses are EXPENSIVE and really hard to get into. There are just so many people wanting to buy at the moment (there were 12 other people who wanted my block of land!!). So I wanted to get in while I could and hopefully in a few years I'll be able to sell and move into something bigger... that's the plan anyways!

Now I want to use that same determination to losing the weight and making changes permanently. At the moment I have been trialing a few things but haven't found anything that I have really stuck to and got results. There are other things I want to do as well, for a more well rounded life balance.

So here are a few goals I have set for the next 6 months or so:

Save really hard. Yup I'll need all the spare cash I can get for things that pop up and for those initial moving in costs.

Stop drinking. I'm not usually a drinker, but lately I have had so many bdays and the like that I have found that I'm drinking almost every weekend. And I don't like it. So besides for my friends bday in June, I don't want to drink for the next 6 months. At least.

Cut back on the take away coffee. I usually will have a nice cup of coffee 2-4 times a week. That can mean $20 on a coffee a week! Sure I don't do this all the time but I need to get out of the habit of being tired and going and spending $5 on a nice cuppa in the morning. I want to get it down to 1-2 times a week initially and then down to twice a fortnight, or once a week.

Bring/ make my lunch at least 5 times a week.  I have been training more lately which means in the evening I come home exhausted. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. I need to get in the habit of getting myself organised in the evenings as in the morning I just get up and go, go, go.

Get back into my craft zone. I used to do a lot of art and craft things when I was at uni and younger. Lately I feel that I need to get back in touch with these roots. Maybe I can even do a few artsy pieces for my new place?

I want to increase my incidental exercise. But it's also going into winter here and I hate the dark and being wet. So not sure yet how I am going to combat that.. will look into it further and report back!

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Jumping straight back into it..

So I have been off for about a week visiting the family in rural NSW. I tell ya, we always put on extra kgs when we visit because all you do is eat, eat and eat.

Which is fine, I ate more but I also said no quite a lot too.

I also jumped straight back into training again on Friday night with boxing. I was a little worried because it had been over a week since I had had a solid training session, but I did fine. Really good actually. I have started to make it more and more around the park without stopping (Booyah!) and in the two minute rounds I can now do most exercises for two minutes without stopping.

So I felt good, I got straight back into it and now feel more settled knowing my routine is back to normal.

For me having a routine is very important, otherwise there is just too much to decide and change. Changes for me can often lead to bad choices.

I understand that not everyone sees a routine the way I do, but I was a bit surprised by the number of people who asked me when I got back from training if I was going to have a bit of  a break before I started up again. (As in start on Monday, rather than Friday, or even later.)

For me it doesn't make sense to delay the inevitable, I have to go back at some point so I might as well jump straight back into it rather than putting it off.

Besides the sooner I get into it the sooner I can work off any excess that might have crept on while I was away.

The sooner I get back into it, the sooner I get out of 'holiday' mode. (And the better my body will be! )

I keep saying this lately, but I am really noticing big changes in my body and appearance.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I have also made the decision to stop buying so many clothes and actually wear the ones out in my wardrobe first... which means I am wearing clothes that have been in my cupboard for years but only pull out occasionally. ( So occasionally that it might be the first time I have worn it in 1-2 years.!!)

So the difference of how it fits is amazing. For example, I have an over sized blouse that I wear with a belt at the waist which I normally pair with a black skirt and leggings. This over sized blouse now is almost too over sized.

Other things that I have noticed is that pants and skirts are starting to get too big around the waist. Dresses are fitting  me better, particularly around the bust and waist, but also around my hips and stomach.

I am actually wearing JEANS more often! Which if you have read any of my previous posts you would know what a big deal that is..

I have lost weight in my face, you can see my cheek bones more and weirdly my fingers as well... my ring now feels a bit loose!

All in all I feel amazing. The more I notice the better I want to look after myself, I want to take care of this body that I am slowly falling back in love with. I want to make sure I look my best and feel my best always.

This means that I have started making more time for doing my nails, my hair, my makeup. Making more time to pack healthy lunches and snacks. Making more time to look after my skin. Making more time to do more exercise outside of training, liking taking the dogs for walks. (OK, this might have more to do with the fact that there is a very good looking jogger on the paths at this time.. but it counts right? )

But this means I feel more confident and happy with myself. I feel strong and beautiful and I think others are starting to notice that more and more. I see it in how my friends act around me. I see it in the male attention that I have started to receive.

It is both amazing and saddening. Sad because now I realise how far gone I was before, and amazing because I feel like I've finally started to live life again!

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Not being the newbie anymore!

So I have been at an event for work since Thursday last week and finally got back in the office on Tuesday. While at the event I couldn't attend training of Friday and Monday, simply because I was not going to make it back in time.

Don't worry, I made sure to eat well and I was physically active, walking and carrying things around so that I still felt like I did something.

Honestly I probably did more weight training over the 4 days than I do in training! Some of those boxes were heavy!!

Anyways so Tuesday saw me return back to my normal routine. (For a day or two anyways before I fly out to Sydney and rural NSW for my cousin's wedding.)

I rocked up at boxing and guess what? There were newbies! That means I am no longer the newbie of the group :) I felt like I was hard core because I knew the moves and knew what I was getting into AND because I made it around the park jogging, not once stopping and well ahead of a chick that was WAY skinnier than me. Sad that I take pride in that haha.

Then I did awesome in the two minute knock out rounds and barely stopped the whole way through!

Felt like I did my trainer proud last night :)

I have training again tonight then I fly out to Sydney and rural NSW tomorrow with my family for my cousin's wedding. We'll be over there for a week and I'm looking forward to it because we'll get to see the whole family, which we don't often do as we live on the other side of the country.

For those that don't live in Australia, living on the other side of the country IS A BIG DEAL. It takes a 3-5 hour flight to get from Sydney-Perth or vice versa. To drive across it can take 3-7 days. That's right DAYS! We did it once as a family and managed to do it in 3 1/2 days. That was doing 120kms/hour and stopping for sleep, food and pee breaks only.

So yeah, we don't see the family often and quite looking forward to it! Will push myself hard tonight in preparation for not doing training for the next week, although I'll try and keep active over there.

On other news, I have slowly been throwing out all my size 18 bottoms and getting size 16's. My wardrobe is now almost entirely full of size 16s and size 14s.

My goal is to get down to a size 12 top and size 14 bottom. ONLY ONE MORE SIZE TO GO!! :) At the moment I am the most even I have ever been between my top and bottom half (I'm a pear, so that's a big deal!) so buying clothes is lots of fun right now! I have to remember not to go overboard and that soon I will be dropping more clothes sizes :)

Monday, 15 April 2013

Friendships and doing what is best for you

There are so many bloggers out there that say they have lost friends on their journey to lose weight. And that saddens me. I am lucky that I have supportive friends. We are all different sizes and shapes but we love each other and support each others decisions.

For those bloggers out there that have lost friends, I often ask myself these questions 1. Did you try to explain your journey to them in terms they understand so that they know what role you want them to play? and 2. If they did not accept and support your decisions, could they really be called friends?

Now they probably sound like very harsh questions, but as an introvert I value and choose my friends with care and as a result only have a few friends. But quality over quantity is my motto.

Of course that's not to say you can't have lots of decent friends. Just that I don't.

Losing weight is such a personal journey. No one can understand what the other person is going through, because completely different things might have brought them to that point in their life and is now motivating them to change their life.

Someone who has never lost a significant amount of weight can never really understand the struggle and emotional issues tied up with it.

Someone who has lost weight still might not understand the issues. And often will believe they know they answer and will tout advice.

I have often received advice from well meaning others. At first I took it all on board. Then I got angry, feeling like they were criticising me for the way I was doing things, or for simply not doing things fast enough.

Now that I feel like I am doing enough, training 4 times a week and eating right, I feel like I can go back to the beginning, take it all on board, but politely say that I am doing all I can and am happy with my efforts.

Losing weight is a journey, in more ways than one. Often people do not know how they are supposed to react or be when you say you are losing weight. They do not know whether they should bring it up and congratulate you. When you say you've gained a kg, they do not know whether they should offer advice or commiserate with you or clap you on your back and say that you can do it.

It is often hard to know what someone else wants from you in terms of support. Some people are better at understanding than others and sometimes what you need is not what you want.

I think it is important to be upfront from the beginning and to be clear on how you want to be treated. For the most parts my friends will not bring it up unless I bring it up first. Then they say you look great and ask me what I am doing. That's all I want from them, and that's all I need.

If you are not up front, then you can be hurt by a friends misguided comments and this can affect your progress too. If even after being upfront they still continue to hurt you, do not waste time and energy on them- they are clearly not true friends.

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Feeling it today!

Wow am I on a blogging roll or what? Must be my 3rd time this week? Not that I have readers that will notice, but it feels good to share don't it?

Anyways, last night I had my third workout session this week. That's right, this week!

Damn, I'm becoming one of those fitness nuts. Uh-oh!

Anyways, I sure am feeling it today. Walking is difficult.

Not that the exercise were terribly difficult. But they sure worked you over!

So here is my workout for yesterday:

Warm up on the treadmill.

200 skips on the skipping rope
20 Commando push ups
200 skips
20 triceps dips
200 skips
20 whatchamacallits..your on the gymnast's bar and your bring tuck your knee's up while lifting off the ground?
200 skips
50 fit ball sit ups
200 skips
50 leg drops

Cool down on the treadmill.

So today I am tired. I am sore. I am hungry and just want to snack on all that delicious sugary food.

Does that mean I will? No. Because I am better than that.

But I will have a big healthy breakfast to get me started ;)

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Eating Addiction

I found this article and thought I would share it. When reading this I was shocked to find that I probably ticked half of these before I started committing myself to losing weight.

If you are showing any of these signs of being addicted to food than it is advised to get therapy to work through the emotional issues associated with unhealthy eating.

Staying Positive, being strong and most of all be HAPPY!

The weight loss journey can be a long and trying one. There are lots of ups and downs, emotional and physical battles to be fought. It can be hard on you and everyone around you. It can affect your relationships and change your lifestyle to something completely new and unexpected.

It can also be really hard to stay positive. Especially when you are particularly stressed/emotional/sick/tired/injured and just plain unmotivated. It could be that you're not doing as well as you like, or someone in your life is doing "better" than you. It could be that you have something come up, at work or in your personal life, which demands all of your attention.

The important thing is to stay positive. To think of the good, not the bad. To think of the future not the past.

I am probably the biggest girl at training, including boxing. Not necessarily the most unfit (or at least not that far behind) but probably one of the biggest.

Yes, that can make me feel bad. Especially when we run as a group and I come last. I am not a good runner. I hate it.

When they talk about how much weight they have lost, it can make me have negative thoughts.

When they talk about how dedicated and motivated they are I often wonder why I bother. I am clearly not on their level.

When they talk about their next challenge, to run 10km, to bench press 20kgs, to hold a plank for 2 minutes etc I think, I'm not even close to doing half of that!

And yet, when they talk about their journey, they talk about the 5kgs to go. The stomach or the arms they hate. The loose skin that they despise. The friends they have lost because they didn't understand. The calories they have eaten that day. The workout they are going to do to make up for having a bite of a piece of cake or a glass of wine. (I am not saying that they shouldn't work it off, just pointing out obsessed they can be.)

Do they talk about how happy they are? How great they feel? How far they have come? NO.
Do they not understand that there are hundreds of thousands of women that have never achieved what they have, and would be happy with just that.

Listening to them talk makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I am not pushing myself hard enough, that maybe I should just give up now because I will never be like them.

But then I think, I am happy. I am happy with where I am, who I am and what I am doing. I am committed to what I am doing, I am continually improving and getting better. But most importantly I am positive and happy in my life and it shows in my relationships and work.

I do not want to get to my goal weight and have it not be "enough". I am not one of those people that thinks that once I get to my goal weight everything will fall into place. It doesn't work like that. I know because I've been there before and I yet I gained weight and ended up at the beginning again!

I don't want to be miserable for the next 9 months and then once I've reached my goal suddenly be happy and want to go out with the friends I've ignored and might have lost because I've been focusing so much on me and weight loss.

Because it does take a long a lot of energy and time and effort to lose weight. BUT it is so much easier when you are happy.  I have found that since accepting myself and leting myself be happy, committing myself is so much less effort. Yes I believed for far too long that because I was fat, I shouldn't be happy. I  didn't deserve it.

It is so much more positive to be happy. It is less emotional guilt tripping and stressing because I have not reached a goal by a certain date. It is about being happy with the successes and continually improving so that there is only more to come. It is about enjoying myself, enjoying exercise and enjoying healthy food.

It is not about comparing myself to others. It is not about being disappointed in myself or thinking I am not good enough. I am good enough.

For everyone out there that is struggling: stay positive, be strong and be happy with your successes. Think of all those women out there who haven't even taken the first step to lose weight. Who might never have the chance to. Remember that there is always one person out there that will look at you and wish they were like you. Yes there is always at least one!

Fellow weight loss peeps will probably think that I am being unrealistic in my approach. That I am not being rational by not setting goals and reaching them, weighing myself on the scales every day and counting my calories every day. That I am too relaxed, that I am not disciplined enough.

Only time will tell right?

Monday, 8 April 2013

Progress report + some exercises you can do at home

So yesterday's sesh went down well, and because of the types of exercises it would be a perfect one to do at home.

So I do an hour work out, starting off with a 5 min warm up, normally on the treadmill. Then it was 3 rounds of 6 exercises. Usually this would be timed and you would have to do this as fast as you can, but because the exercises used weights and could easily injure someone if not done properly, we didn't time it. Once I realised just how easy it was going to be to injure myself I took it slow and steady until I felt comfortable with the exercises. Beating a time is not worth being injured!

So the exercises. You will need a step, a 5kg weight, a 15kg weight, towel and low bench. If you don't have the weights, just use something around the house that you think would be the equivalent.

First exercise: hold the 5kg weight in one hand, step up onto the step (both legs) then lift the leg on the side that does not have the weight and bring it up to your chest ( your knee is bent at 90 degrees). To work your core you should lean back a little as well. As long as your core is tight you shouldn't fall back. But be careful and take it slow until you feel comfortable.

Bring your leg back down to the step. Step off. Step back on and repeat. Do 10 on one leg, then swap the weight to the other side and do 10 on the other side.

Once you do that get down off the step and settle into a sumo squat with the 15kg weight in the middle of your legs. By bending your legs and keeping your back straight, grab the weight with both hands and bring up until your legs are straight. Repeat this 20 times. BE CAREFUL TO KEEP YOUR BACK STRAIGHT!!

Repeat the first exercise.

Next exercise: lay your towel down with the step at your feet. Place one foot on the edge of the step so your knee is at an angle. Lift the other leg up into the air as straight as you can. Now keep it there. Using the leg that is resting on the edge of the step raise your hips up as far as you can. Now lower slowly back to the ground. Be careful with this one. It sounds easy but you can feel it really quickly and can easily pull something if you're not careful. Do 12 on one side then swap legs and do 12 on the other.

Repeat the first exercise.

Last exercise: You're doing a lunge, except instead of having your back foot on the ground, rest it onto the low ledge. Your back leg should be roughly at a 90 degree angle. Do 10 lunges on one leg and then swap and do 10 on the other.

You've finished round 1! Now to do two more rounds and then finish with 5 min on the treadmill and stretch.

The exercises sound really simple, and easy, but I could definitely feel it into my second round and by the third I was starting to struggle. Good Luck!

Now to my progress:
At the moment I am doing a minimum of 3 sessions a week, with a second session of boxing thrown in on the weeks when I'm not busy. So I end up doing 2x hour sessions of PT and 2x 45 min of boxing most weeks.

So since I have upped my training I have really noticed some changes:

  • I'm eating smaller portions.
  • I am eating more fruit.
  • I have lost about 5 cm around my stomach and another couple around my waist.
  • The other day I wore a dress that I haven't worn in about a year. It hadn't fit before then.
  • I need to get more bras because they are all getting to big. Not happy about that one!
  • I can stop myself from eating mindlessly i.e. I open a packet of chips and can put them away unfinished.
  • I have stopped buying "snacks" for my drawer.
  • I am having the biggest cravings lately for salad rolls and fruit salad. Seeing as it's a good craving, I am indulging in it!
  • I have started reducing my dinner portions- this is the one I struggle with the most.
  • I tried on one of my old work shirts, a size 14. It fit except for the arms. So note to self: need to work on arms!!

So all in all, not bad. Especially as it is only in April, and I want to get down to a size 12/14 by the end of this year.

Here is a group photo taken of my friends a few weeks ago. Myself (green scarf) and my friend in the yellow, have always been the "bigger" girls in the group. But when I look at this photo I feel like you can't tell that I am that much bigger than my friend in the pink, who is a size 12. I still have a long way to go, but it's nice to realise I don't look as bad as I think I do!

Wednesday, 3 April 2013


So I'm finally brave enough to post some photo's up here. There not so much as Before and After, as I am still not at the end of my journey. But I believe you can see how far I have come!


<I hate this pic!

My arms are still big. But you can see that my stomach has shrunk a lot! Plus I have lost a lot in my thighs and hips. Which you can't really tell in this pics, but I'm no longer as "Pear" as I was!

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Small milestones!

Just a quickie post.

Yesterday I had GX boxing with the girls. Before boxing we usually do a lap around the park to warm up.


I SUCK at running. I always have. Everything jiggles, my legs don't go fast enough or far enough and I breathe really heavy.

I have often been asked if I have asthma. I've never been tested so I don't know. I just think I'm overweight.

Anyways. Yesterday I jogged the entire park WITHOUT STOPPING! WOOOOOOOOO!

First time for everything :)

It's the small things like that that makes you feel proud, and the difference between where I was and where I am now.

Clothes are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and fitter and I am feeling better.

And it is that feeling that is the most important. Because my confidence in myself, my body, my personality, is returning and it is amazing. I am finally getting back to the real me. The me that has hidden behind walls and junk food and my layers of fat and shyness for the last 3 years.

Watch our world , I'm coming for you!

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

What do you want out of life?

What is that motivates you each day? That gets you out of bed in the morning? That makes you put that ice coffee down and pick up the weights instead?

Why do you go to work today, tomorrow or the next? Why do you see your friends, have a BBQ or go away for the weekend?

What do you want out of your life?

These are some of the questions that have been bubbling around my head more and more often. I am now at the age where my friends are either off travelling or settling down with their partners (some of them are further along in that department than others).

I have travelled, or at least enough that I don't have that "urge" to get "out" that my travelling friends seem to feel.

I don't want to "settle down" either.

So that doesn't leave a lot of options. Ha. What a joke!

I'm a big planner. I like planning and having direction in my life. Most people who come to know me realise this. So they often ask me what plan I am sticking to with my weight loss.

While I agree everyone should have a plan, that they should have strategies and things that they stick to, people also need to work out what works for them. Which is different for everyone, and there is not right or wrong answer.

For me, right now, I am not "planning" so much as "doing" my weight loss. I spent so much time thinking I wanted to lose weight while eating myself into gaining 5kgs. I was thinking so much about going to the gym, about walking each day, about cutting the calories that I never actually did it.

So I stopped thinking about it and started doing it. Obviously there are things I still need to plan and use, there are tricks that I have picked up and use and I plan to stay away from fast food and plan to exercise this week.

But I am not following a plan. Nor do I believe I will succeed if I do. Not for the long term anyways.

This is my life. This is not some short term stint that is supposed to whip me magically into shape and somehow I will be able to follow a no- carb, low sugar, 8 hours of exercise a week diet.

No, this is long term. This is permanent. This is about re-learning how I think about food, exercise and life.

Which brings me back to the question: What do you want out of life? What do I want out of life?

I want to be healthy. I want to be normal. To not be the person who always eats salad when everyone eats a curry. I want to enjoy eating and going out with friends without being self conscious.
I want to enjoy life to the fullest. I want to breathe easier, lift easier, walk easier.

I want sunshine, grass, walks by the river, sweat and tears, muscles, toned arms and stomach. I want to create yummy recipes which are also healthy.

I DON'T want to always be looking over my shoulder. To always count my food or to feel guilty, or unhappy or cheated. I DON'T want to be fat and lonely and left out. I DON'T want to feel like life is passing me by.

So now comes the part where I do what I need to do to make that things I WANT happen.

And that is not counting calories, it is not denying myself. It is going to training at least three times a week and fitting in other sessions when I can. It is making sure I eat my fruit and veg daily. Drinking my water, getting out in the sun, putting myself out there and joining in. It is about me changing my mind and to stop thinking of junk food and large portions as something I need and am entitled to.

To think of quality not quantity. To think that a good coffee and catch up with friends is better (and it is) than sitting at home eating chocolate while watching a DVD. It's about changing my lifestyle not just what I put into my mouth.

And that is what I am doing. I now exercise regularly. I eat good food. I snack less. I eat smaller portions. I think twice about eating junk food, but don't cut myself up if I do.

And my pants and getting bigger and bigger, I am getting stronger and fitter.

This is working for me. It may not work for you. And that's ok.

I'm not planning I am doing.

Monday, 18 March 2013

Emotional Well-Being and Catching up with Friends

I was talking to a dear friend of mine on the weekend. We caught up on Saturday for movies and pizza, I ended up staying the night as I couldn't be bothered driving home at 12pm when I was tired. And then we went to a cafe near the ocean and had breakfast and after heading back to her place we chatted and before I knew it was 4pm!

(Then I had dash off and get home to get myself organised for the week ahead.)

So what has us talking for so long? Well besides family, life, friends, boys and all the usual things that come along, there was also weight loss and emotional well being.

Something that I have been accepting more and more is that I am happy. I am proud of myself, I am happy with the decisions I have been making, I am happy with my exercise and I am happy at where I am in life.

Partly this is to do with my weight loss so far, which while I do not weigh myself, it has become more and more obvious I am losing weight through my clothes and shape.

My happiness with myself is being reflected in my confidence and appearance and also my decisions and how I am with friends with family. Everything else just seems to be so much better. Decisions that might have made me depressed or upset or got me down a year a go are just so much easier to handle, they are just a bump in the road.

It is amazing how everything is interlinked. You look good, you feel good, so you are happy and this affects how you deal with things.

It also goes the other way.

Sadly, my friend is in a similar position to where I was when I first started this journey. She is unhappy, she is depressed, she feels guilty and hates herself for the decisions she makes that mean that she is gaining weight not losing weight, which just makes her more unhappy and everything else in life is just that bit harder and more stressful.

It's exactly how I felt when I first started. It took me a long time of thinking about how hard and long and how I don't have enough time to do anything else etc before I realised I needed to stop thinking and start doing.  That meant I started going to the gym, and when the gym didn't work and I realised I needed something more, I started PT. Best decision I ever made.

So we talked about my journey, how hard it has been and how far I have come and how much it has been worth it. But most of all I made sure she didn't feel judged for how she is and how she is coping. I made her think about little things she could be doing and told her I still make mistakes today. That one day she will just have enough and start making the right steps.

I made sure she knew she could talk to me, that I would understand and not make her feel like a "lazy fat person who obviously doesn't try hard enough" because that's what we all have in the back of heads anyways, that that's what all those "skinny" people think of us. (Whether that is true or not is irrelevant, it's what we think.)

The reality is weight loss is not just about controlled intake and exercise = weight loss. It's about all the emotions and pain that got us there in the first place. And if you don't fix that then you will never maintain your loss once you get there, because you never really understood how you got to be so big in the first place and will make all those mistakes all over again.

I hope that if you have a friend out there that needs help and guidance that you will make them feel loved and understood and not mock them for their weight battles, because we are often our own worst judge and enemy and need support from our loved ones more than anything to help us take the first steps.

Monday, 11 March 2013

The difference between fat and fit..

The difference between the fat and the fit.. is more than just the waistline! It is about motivation, commitment and the belief that you can do something.

My biggest problem when I train is that I am so used to not being able to do something, that I still have that mentality, even when it is no longer true.

The biggest difference between someone who is fit and someone who is fat, is that they know what they are capable of, and believe that they can do something. So they are able to push themselves harder and further than someone who is not fit. And in turn, stay fit.

Last night I pushed myself. I pushed myself hard, and it was worth it.

I was given 3 rounds of 5 exercise to complete as fast I can. My trainer had done it earlier in 19 min, one of her clients had done it in 42 min. I was told I had to beat the clients time.

The exercises were:

10 x  push up then bring your knee up as close to your arm/shoulder as possible, try and touch the ground near your knee with your elbow then stretch up and behind you. Repeat on the other leg.

20 x kneeling with 8kg weight, hold it to one side, bring the weight round and above your head in a tight controlled circle before resting on the side opposite the one you started on. Repeat by alternating which direction you take the weight.

20x backwards lunges with the 8kg weight held at your centre. When in your lunge, make a controlled turn from the waist with the weight. If you right leg is down, the turn to your left and vice versa.

20 x in the plank position, bring your knee straight up above the ground, then twist out to the side. Replace on the ground and repeat on the other side.

30x on a wobble board (but with the flat side down, so you are standing on the soft side) stand with one leg on the board and one off. Now jump to the other side, landing so that your inner leg is now on the board. Touch the ground near your outer leg with your inner arm.

I did it in 24min!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't believe how happy I was. Not only had I thrashed the time I had to beat but I came close to my trainers as well!!

I finished the session off with 1000m on the rower plus a couple ab exercises before cooling down on the treadmill.

I almost died at the end, but I feel fantastic now. So worth it!

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Old clothes, new body!

On Saturday night I was heading out with the girls for dinner to celebrate my friends birthday. At the moment I'm living with my sister with limited clothes until we move into our new house (2 weeks away!)

Anyways, so my clothing is limited at the moment. As soon as they walked into my house I knew I had to go find something else to wear, they all looked dressed up and I was wearing a very casual shirt and skirt combo. So I quickly went out into the garage and searched for my suitcase full of clothes that I had packed away. When I opened it I knew straight away that I had very little chance of finding what I was looking for!

So I grabbed the first two dresses I could find then went and tried them on. The dress I chose to wear was one that was a little bit tight when I bought it, not uncomfortably so, but it was fitted. When I tried it on, it was loose! Luckily I had bought it fitted otherwise I wouldn't be able to wear it!

You can imagine my delight and surprise! I had only bought the dress not long before Christmas and had worn it once.

It's nice to see progress in my clothes! And to know that what I am doing is paying off!! Lately I have been exhausted from training and still doing really well with food, even when I slip a little- it is only a little! Then I just get back on it again.

Let's hope this continues and I can get into my size 14 jeans that I have packed away somewhere, it will be the first time EVER (that I remember) fitting into a size 14 pair of jeans!! :)

Hope everyone is going well and sticking to their training, be strong, be brave and remember: you are worth it! xo

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Breakfast, the best meal of the day!

I was driving to work and my stomach growled. I was excited, I was looking forward to getting to work, to sitting down at my desk, sipping my coffee, catching up on the latest news and emails before grabbing something to eat.

Two things occurred to me.

1.) That I was hungry. This is not such a big thing to most people, but for me who used to be huge snacker at night, I would often still feel full in the morning. Which is not what you're supposed to be like. So feeling hungry in the morning is always somewhat satisfying because it means I did well the night before and it is now time to start a new day on track.

2.) That I have always looked forward to breakfast. Breakfast is probably my most looked forward to meal of the day (does that make sense??). It is easy, uncomplicated, delicious and there are so many options which are so healthy for you, so it is hard to go wrong so early in the day.

This of course got me thinking about my mother, or rather the fact that in the last year she has just started to train herself to eat breakfast in the morning. My mother is the opposite to me. She rarely eats, often eating dinner and that it is it (until recently, as I said she now eats breakfast). She likes wine, nuts and raisins and her ice coffee, and the occasional hot chips. But she rarely rarely eats anything else bad, by that I mean junk food, chocolate, chips, ice cream, cookies etc etc She can go weeks on end without being tempted.

Anyways I am getting off topic. So back to breakfast.

I struggle to understand the people, like my mother, that do not eat breakfast. For me it is one of the best moments of the day.

Since starting my weight loss journey, breakfast has become even more important. If I start the day off well, I usually set myself up for the rest of the day. If I don't, well it doesn't take long before I'm thinking of all sorts of foods that I shouldn't have.

Do you eat breakfast? What do you eat that sets you up for the day? If not, why not?

During the week I often have weatbix with fruit and rice milk. On the weekends I will either have cereal or eggs on toast, depending on how much time I have. But I always eat breakfast, as I said if I don't, I essentially can throw the day away. Such a simple thing, but so so simple!

Is there a meal that you look forward too more than anything? Or does eating/not eating breakfast affect you as much as it does me?

Monday, 4 March 2013

The cost of healthy living

Talking with a friend over coffee and breakfast on Saturday morning and as always we end up on the topic of healthy living.

It is something that is very important to both of us, as we both are on a journey to better ourselves.

For my friend, health at the moment is of particular importance as she wants to start a family. Unfortunately she was told that she has poly cystic ovary syndrome (I hope I spelt that right) and needs to lose weight in order to make this manageable and in order to conceive.

This was a huge blow to her, as she has always wanted children and now just when she is in the right spot (partner, home, age etc) her weight is holding her back.

About the same time as she received this news I started personal training and focusing on my weight loss, so when we catch up it is almost a check in and time to go over our mistakes and seek support from one another.

She is probably one of the few friends that I will openly discuss my weight/health journey.

One of the points that we were talking about is that she had just done some sessions with my personal trainer, but because she cannot afford them she won't be going back.

I understand that not everyone has the money to spend on a trainer, I understand that not everyone needs a trainer. But for people like me that do, and I think that my friend does too, it is one of the best things you can do, and well worth the cost.

People often baulk when I tell them how much I spend on training, despite the fact that my trainer is actually quite cheap when compared to many of the others out there. Often when I tell them the cost, the answer I often hear is, "I don't know how you afford it". Which infers that they can't afford it.

Most people (at least the ones I talk to) believe that they can't afford to have a trainer and to eat healthy. The reality is of course, that they can. They are on a similar wage to me, they have similar bills to me, so how is it that I can afford it and they can't. The truth is they can.

When I go into all the benefits, most people will nod their head and agree and then walk away. All they think about is the immediate cost.

So what if it costs a little now? If it stops you from having to buy expensive clothes because you have limited options, if it means that you can play with your children, go out with your friends, enjoy your holidays more, enjoy sitting, walking, climbing stairs easier, take less medication, go to the doctors less, you don't need radical weight loss surgery, or die ridiculously young from a heart attack.

So what if it costs a little now?

My training session costs $30 for an hour, I do that twice a week. That is $60 a week.
I do boxing once a week as well, that is only $10 a session.

That's $70 a week on my health. That doesn't sound like much. That would be less than the amount most of my friends would spend on clothes, alcohol, a night out, dinner, getting their hair done, their nails done, a pair of shoes, their tans, waxing etc

All of which they do without thinking about the cost.

Now I am not saying I do not do some of the above, but the difference is that I put those second to my health. There are ways to to do all of those things cheaper, especially if you cut out alcohol. But even if you do not, you could do some things at home yourself rather than going to a salon.

You could host a party at your house, rather than paying the expensive entry fee and drinks when you go out. You could simply reduce the number of times you go out. You could sell off the clothes/shoes that you no longer wear on ebay or gumtree. You could host a clothes swap with your friends if you are similar sizes- this is a great way to get your hands on those dresses your friends own and you have been eyeing off!

There are a million different ways you can cut costs so that you can afford a healthier lifestyle. Eating organically costs more up front but goes a lot further. A bag of apples will last you all week as opposed to a packet of Tim Tams (chocolate biscuits for those not from Aus) that will disappear in seconds once they're opened.

So next time, think about the costs. Long term and short term. Weigh up what is more important to you, and what you can live without.

Maybe personal training isn't for you and you can go for a jog each day or work out to a DVD instead. That's great! I'm jealous!

But it is important not to trick yourself into thinking you can do it on your own, when you need help, seek it. It is your life, your body and you get to choose what you get out of it. Make sure you make the best decision for you, long term and short term.

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Bushfire Drama and learning to take pride in myself

So yesterday was a bit of a drama. One of the hazards of living in Australia is that bush fires do tend to occur, particularly if you live near bushland and in hot, dry summers and on a windy days.. well, lets just say that not many people are surprised if a fire or two pops up.

In the last year or so we have been evacuated 2-3 times. Nothing has ever reached our house, thankfully, and no lives have been lost but several homes, sheds and gardens etc have been destroyed.

Yesterday we got the call/text msg that we had to get out of our homes while I was at work. Often I think it would be easier to be at home when these things occur, at least then you are able to hear and see for yourself, rather than relying on second and third-hand information and patiently waiting for the latest update on the news and radio.

So after a stressful afternoon of fearing the worst I managed to get home fine,  hearing on the radio that they had it all under control. It was 4.45pm. My trainer msgd me saying training was still on at 5.30pm.

I can tell you right now, that all I wanted to do was to go to bed. To curl up and be grateful nothing had happened and finally not let me mind run around in circles, imaging what I would do if the worst had happened.

I have also been tired, so so tired. And feel like I am getting a cold. Which does not make me feel any happier.

All these things were running around in my head, even as I went and put my exercise clothes on, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.

She put me through a killer work out, and I came home even more exhausted and tired, and sore. But more importantly PROUD!.

More and more I am winning. I am going to training, and I am killing it.

No I am not as good as some of the other girls that I occasionally train with, but compare to where I was even two months ago, I have come a long way. I am training harder, longer and better. I am more determined.

And all I can put it down to is the fact that when I came back from holidays I decided 2013 was going to be my year and everything just shifted. After all I believed it was my year.

And people are noticing. Mum has noticed, and started to be proud and admire my dedication, rather than constantly watching me put another mouthful away. My work mates are noticing my weight loss, my trainer is thrilled and pushes me harder every day.

And my clothes are getting bigger and looser (?) and I am so happy.

It is tiring and painful. But it is worth it. Finally I can be proud of myself and my body again. :D

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

All the single ladies!

Ok, so being a young single female, meeting and attracting the opposite sex is high on the list. Only because I would like to settle down before I'm 30, and well that's only 6 years to find someone, get to know each other, get engaged, get married etc

I'm kidding of course. While I would love to meet that special someone, I am in no rush to settle down. Being single for the last 3 years has taught me a lot about myself, about what I want in life and also has given me the strength to get my arse into shape. Literally.

So for the most part I do not go out on a limb to meet any guys, whether it's going out or hooking up at parties, it usually ends at a conversation and a nice to meet you at the end of the night.

I must admit though, at times this has annoyed me. Mostly because I felt that I didn't have a choice in the matter. This was because I'd gotten so used to being the 'fat' one in the group, the ugly duckling so to speak and that I always just assumed to guys talk to me to be nice and get me to introduce them to my friends. This has happened a lot, so it's not like I come up with this stuff on my own.

But the thing is, it's not necessarily true any longer.

I realised this when I went out on the weekend for a hen's night. I was out with the girls at a club- I haven't gone clubbing in over a year- and I actually received attention, for myself. Which it took a while to sink in, but when a guy a) remembers your name and b) add me on facebook (facebook is the new mobile number ;) ) that makes it kind of obvious.

It came as a shock of course because I still see myself as the girl I was, not who I am now. Even though I am receiving more compliments, improving my fitness and generally finding clothes are getting bigger, it is still really hard to think of myself as being physically smaller.

Obviously it is a mental thing. Now I understand why some girls who have lost massive amounts of weight think of themselves as big and need to lose more, or still aren't confident in themselves, because quite simply inside their brain, they are the same girl before she lost the weight.

This is something which I think I need to work on, but I'm not really sure how to do it. How so I convince myself I am smaller than what I was? And should I really bother? Will it just sink in one day when I can fit in normal clothes and don't have fat around my tummy? Or is it something that I need to be conscious of now??

All I know is that it's quite nice to receive some male attention from time to time, but I am not ready to jump into a relationship any time soon. I still have so much I need to discover about myself.

P.S I wore jeans to work! By choice the other day!!! That is something that would never have happened before I started losing weight!! WOOP WOOP!

Monday, 18 February 2013

The things I should be grateful for..

On Saturday I went shopping with my sister and mum. Just another typical day really, we were helping my mum find some shorts, which is a big deal as she is about a size 12 but all the shorts are too short, or too long. And as a woman in her 50's mum is very conscious about how she looks and doesn't want to come across as mutton dressed as lamb, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, while mum was trying on some clothes that we had picked out for her, me and my sis got to talking about our body shape and sizes. My sister is naturally a size 10 and 165cm tall, where as I am a size 16 and 175cm tall. But surprisingly we realised that we are probably a similar shape (pear) because of where we put on weight. The difference is that I actually put on the weight. :P

Then she said: 'you know you could look like me'. :O Which was a bit of a surprise and shock to me. To even contemplate that I could look like her to be honest had never even occurred to me. Of course it took me a couple of seconds to remember that even if I lost all the weight I wouldn't look like her, for starters I am 10cm taller than her and I have broader shoulders and (I think) hips than her. (But still- wouldn't it be nice to be a size 10 and a flat stomach!)

She also said that she wished she had some of my height.. which of course got me thinking about whether I wanted to be shorter. The answer was a very big 'Hell no!'.

I mean while I hate being taller than most women I know, and quite a few of the men I know, I quite like my height and being tall. I never have to worry about losing people in a crowd or being pushed around too much, and feeling insignificant. I mean there are a lot of things that can make me feel that way, but my height is definitely not one of them.

The other things is, if I was shorter, I would be a lot fatter. I know that doesn't make much sense, I mean you weigh the same no matter your height right? Weight is weight? Except you will notice a petite person puts on 10kgs and you will see it immediately and a taller person? Well because it is spread out so much you don't notice it as much.

I mean, I know that when I tell people how much I weigh, or how much I need to lose, a lot of them are shocked, because for the most part I am only a bit bigger than the average girl. ( Average being size 12-14, and I'm a size 16) Even though I have to lose like 30kgs.

It doesn't seem right does it? Anyways I am grateful I am tall. It means that hopefully when I get down to 75 kgs I will look similar to my sister without having to lose another 10kgs! (One can hope anyway!)

On another note, I have successfully started training an hourx 2 times a week, plus a 45 minute boxing session. I'm walking most days inbetween sessions and have been doing my job around the park before my traing sessions as well. My trainer has noticed a huge improvement in my training and determination, and I am happy to report I have notcied a big improvement as well, around my bust and chest and lower thighs! Formerly clothes that were a bit fitted are now becoming looser and my bras are all over the place! Which is both a good and a bad thing ( I hate bra shopping!!)

So I have decided to start selling off my clothes, I have so many now that I am rarely wearing, and invest in some more work out clothes and bras as I keep dropping weight. I'm also going to try buying clothes that can adapt to me losing weight as well. I don't want to be spending too much money!!