Tracking my weight loss

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Monday, 25 June 2012

BALL Dress :D

My ball dress arrived!!! I have a work ball that I am organising in September and will be attending and I ordered my dress online and it arrived yesterday!! Am SO in love! It's dark green floor length flowing material with beaded under the bust and straps across the back.

It's a bit tight across the back and my bum- but I have until September to fix that! I told my trainer, and she was like "when's the ball? " "September." "Oh well you'll have no problem by then!" Yay! I just love the vote of confidence :)

She told me she is going to really start testing my limits and getting me to do sprints on the treadmill, excerices, sprints, excercise etc and then doing everything with weights or just that little bit harder.. like the commando style push ups I did yesterday where you have to push yourself up from the floor into a man push up then bring your knee in to your stomach, back out again and down. Repeat. OUCH!

But I have to say at least I am never bored and constantly being tested! Will post pictures of me in my dress soon so you can see :)

Thursday, 21 June 2012


"Friendships in the adult world is something I struggle with."

This is what I was reflecting on as I was driving into work this morning. As someone that works in the communications field and media emailing, msging and social media is something I am doing constantly. So to me it is a real struggle to understand why when I send someone a msg or email them that they don't reply that hour, day or even at all. To me that is just rude, and I find it is something that my close friends do a lot of.

Lately I have been going through a hard time at home. Now I am not someone that makes friends easily, so I have a close group of friends that I have known since high school which we have gone through almost everything together, from first boyfriends, cars, jobs, moving out, deaths, health problems, family problems.. you name it. You would think that after going through all that, I would feel like I could talk to them about everything and anything.

I don't.
Mostly because I feel like at the moment it's a one way street, they know I am struggling but they don't ask me what's wrong or offer to help. I msg them to say lets do something and get 'I'm busy' in reply. I know that my friends all have their own things going at the moment so I don't want to pressure them, but a little more contact would be nice. I mean we have gone from my uni days where I would spend like 3-4 nights at a friends place just because it was close to uni, to seeing them maybe once a month.

So my question is, is this normal in adult friendships? Am I just being needy or clinging to the friendship of our youth? Or do I need to broaden my friendship circles... in which case how do you do that??

I have no idea how to really make new friends, I mean I have two or three friends outside of this particular circle which I catch up with, and then their are my facebook friends... but they don't get any face to face time due to distance (most of them are overseas) I get along with the people at my work, gym etc but I have no idea how to go that next step further and make new friends.. I am at a total loss. :S

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

The dreaded JEANS battle.

So after the last 5 weeks of Personal TrainingI have been feeling amazing- sore- but amazing. As if I am finally found that thing that could get me to my goal weight. Which is great! Because of that I have been more positive and feeling great and feeling like my clothes have been fitting better and all those nice things that comes from more confidence and a slightly better body shape.

Then came Sunday. So Sunday I went shopping with Mum when she suggests I buy some JEANS. Yes, JEANS. Yes it is winter here, and bloody freezing atm, but I have not bought JEANS since 5 years ago when I was at my lowest weight of 80kgs. I have since refused to buy JEANS because of the dreaded task of finding out what size I REALLY am. I mean leggings and stockings and all that don't really have sizes, but JEANS, now they have a number which tell you whether you're skinny or your not.

So in my new found confidence bliss, I said YES. (IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT). Now I am a pear. Which means my bottom half is always going to be bigger. At my skinniest I could fit into size 12 tops, and size 16 jeans. Now I'm probably and 14/16 on top (depending on the top of course) and now that I have tried on JEANS again I know I am about a size 18 on bottom.

Now being size 18 isn't actually a problem for me, I have been much bigger ( size 20- 22) and I know that means I am only two sizes away from my goal JEAN size, size 14. Still. All that wonderful confidence bliss went out the window when I realised I was a size 18, and not even a good size 18, where they look amazing and you can imagine losing a couple of kilos and you'll be a 16. I mean button straining across the stomach size 18. Sigh.

Then came personal training on Monday. And all this was bubbling around in my head, how after all this hard work and I still can't look good in JEANS. Because while I am doing it all for fitness and health and those nice reasons. My one vain dream of losing weight is that I want to look good in a pair JEANS.

So a little background on me and my relationship with the dreaded denim pants aka JEANS.
Being a bigger girl always, and being a pear shaped bigger girl, and being a tall pear shaped bigger girl, meant that finding a pair of Jeans that actually fit, comfortably and looked good and came down to the back of my heel instead of some sort of ankle cut offs was IMPOSSIBLE. I never ever looked good in Jeans and was comfortable at the same time. Always the dreaded camel toe, or too tight, or too short would come into it. And then of course I was always so uncomfortable with my size to go into other shops other than department stores, so there goes any cool designer Jeans like my friends. So some time in my late teens entering adulthood I just stopped wearing Jeans- and wallah the whole issue with sizes and putting myself through that self hate that comes with trying on several pairs of Jeans and only the biggest most stretchiest ones fit.. ENDED. It was great.

Which means of course that I am filled with the longing of having something that I can't have.. a nice pair of fitted JEANS that look good on me.

ANYWAYS... back to training on Monday. SO basically I went as hard as I could go. And almost ended up on the floor crying. It was just so hard, and the harder it was the more I realised how unfit I was and how far I had to go. I mean I don't expect to get results within a month but I realised that even if I have come a long way, I still have an even longer way to go to get to the fitness level I want to be at.

SO now to decide whether to forget that the JEANS incident ever happened and go back to happy confidence bliss or to try and use it to motivate me to train harder while inside I'm still sad and disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals. Sigh.

What would you do?

Tuesday, 12 June 2012


Mum took this photo of me the other week and I finally have a copy! Not too bad I think :)

Monday, 11 June 2012

Post Weekend Review

So Friday was amazing. I did a 200 rep work out, and while I struggled a bit with some of the exercises that I haven't done a lot before- the burpees and stuff- everything else I did well! She even said I had great form =D
Saturday came along and I had a great day - went shopping and bought a whole heap of accessories like a sun hat and one of those felt hats that are in at the moment for winter, gloves, beanie and a whole heap of stationary for a friends birthday.

Then I went out with the girls, we had dinner which was a laugh as my friends brought along all the photos from her birthday- which was geisha themed! Then we headed over to Leisure Island for a bit until our movie started. It felt like we were 15 again!!

Sunday I worked :( and I was weak and ate terrible foods, but I was so tired and over it that I couldn't think straight and gather enough will power to stop myself. The good news is that I lifted and walked up and down enough stairs that I pretty much did a mini work out....

Monday I was over tired and sent myself home after like an hour at work. I pretty much spent the day in bed reading and sleeping. By evening I was feeling better and decided to go along to training.

She worked my bum, thighs and core this time and I'm still feeling it. Afterwards I had a shower and made myself look at my reflection in the mirror. Really look...something I tend to avoid unless its my face or hair. And I noticed changes!! My bum and legs are looking less dimply and round and actually look more like they should! ...My stomach is weird and has like a flap of skin which I hate, but that's actually getting smaller!

So maybe, just maybe, this might work. I mean even when I lost weight before I still had the same problems with my stomach not being flat and butt being big. BUT maybe this personal training thing might actually solve that! It's like a light bulb moment. You do these things because you know you should, but you've tried so many that you've kind of given up hope, but you don't realise that until you actually notice changes and starte to hope again.

That's where I'm at right now- I'm starting to hope again. Maybe this is finally the answer to me losing the weight and actually making changes to my life. Wow.

Thursday, 7 June 2012

"Diet Goggles: For weak willed dieters everywhere"

I just had to share this link! Supposedly it tricks you into eating less. Not sure how I feel about where glasses everytime I eat something though.. what will they come up with next??

Monday, 4 June 2012

Feeling Fantastic

It is Week 3 of personal training and I am feeling amazing. After each session I am feeling completely relaxed and happy knowing that I have put in 100 % and actually doing ok!
I hurt my leg last week so she has been careful about giving me leg things- lunges and the like. Which means I have been working my core- OUCH! I have never even heard of half the things she has made me do, or the muscles they work either..

Anyways this Friday she has me doing a 200 rep work out (:o) !! I am still freaking out about it but on the other hand, if I can do it then I just prove to myself that I am a long way from where I was in November last year.

I tried finding my measurements on the weekend but I couldn't find them :( so will have to go searching again through my room this coming weekend. Saying that there is definately a difference, I am standing straighter and I noticed my shape is becoming a lot more even- less pear shaped and more hour glass.

I am also trying not to buy clothes for a while as I still have many clothes from previous times when I have lost weight which I would like to wear again......and hopefully once I have finished this journey I can throw all of them out and go on a shopping spree!!! To do that of course I will need money, hence the no spending on clothes policy now.

Anyone have a favourite item that they want to fit back into again or a goal dress/jeans etc?

I have a dress in my wardrobe that is size 12 and quite fitted. Something that I have never ever ever thought of wearing and feeling comfortable about it. Maybe this year will be the year I take the tags off!!