Sweden Christmas Greeting

So it appears that I have time to write a blog post in Sweden after all.

It's been a week since I arrived here, 5 years since I have lived here. It is hard to believe to be honest- so many things are the same and so many things have changed. Time has just flown by so quickly!

So going back a little way. When I was 17 I went on exchange to Sweden for a full year. That's quite huge commitment for someone so young and to go so far away from my home in Australia. It changed my life. I made friends and family for life, I tried new things, I went out and explored, I became more confident in myself and I also lost 20kgs.

That also changed my life. I realised I could be strong and strict and could lose the weight myself. The problem was that being in Sweden and being in Australia are two very different things. For instance in Sweden I lived in a small small town in the country side where I had to ride a bike if I wanted to go anywhere. Food was always readily available, but it was all very healthy and there was no junk food and no fast food restaurants either. So my choices were limited.

This never made me feel like I missed out on anything, it just took away another choice or decision I had to keep myself from making. The youth here also spend there time differently. In summer they spent more time outdoors, probably because in winter they are stuck inside. And there is a bigger focus on activities together, craft groups, wood work, beading etc

So 5 years ago a came home a different person. And now I am back, and remembering all those different things and decisions I made and wondering why I couldn't live like that back home in Australia.

But I also realised that I am also in a better place now. I am training 3 times a week in something I really enjoy and don't see myself quitting. I am also eating healthily. Even here when I am on holidays and I told myself it would be OK to relax a little and just enjoy myself I still can't bring myself to quite let go. It's a good thing to realise that what I have tried so hard to stick to is now becoming something so permanent that I don't have to think about it anymore.

For instance, when offered biscuits and cakes I will taste some if I haven't tried it before and then I pass on it from then onwards. I am making sure that I eat my salad and veggies and while I am drinking more coffee and milk over here, I am also drinking my water and cutting out other dairy products to compensate.

So far it seems to be working and I don't feel like I am indulging too much or feel guilty. It's nice to know I can trust myself.

Another thing that I learnt the last time I was here and which I remembered was to be proud of my body and to not worry about what everything thinks.

My body is what I have made it, it is no ones fault but mine, and is testament to all that I have been through and all the mistakes and successes I have made. And why should anyone else be able to hurt me or condemn me for that but me? I am who I am. I am strong, I am healthy, I am flexible and I am capable of doing everything that I have ever asked of myself. So what if I do not meet other peoples expectations of what is beautiful or fit? They do not have to live with this body, they did not make the decisions I made and they do not know the reasons for them. I do.

I have decided that I like my body, that I will continue to like my body as I get older, skinnier, fatter, saggier, wrinkles, grey hair and more. We should all embrace our bodies and make sure that we appreciate them for what they do for us. Hating yourself does not make you skinnier, or healthier. It only hurts you and your body. So be happy, accept yourself and move on to a healthier you.

God Jul och Gott Nytt År. (Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!)

Inprovements:fitness related

So last night was my last session over the Christmas period. Not because I am lazy and cutting it short, but because I fly out this Friday for 3 weeks in Sweden!

So to celebrate my trainer made me revisit one of our previous sessions and see how well I have improved. I think I did this session maybe about a month or so ago now?

Basically it is 4 exercises which you have to do 10 of at a time and complete 3 rounds in as fast as time as you can. I believe last time I just made it through 3 rounds before my half hour was up.

This time I smashed the 3 rounds and still had 10 minutes to spare. So she made me do leg drops (one of my least favourite exercises) except that even these went well for me!

So today, despite feeling a tad sore, I am feeling mightily pleased with myself for improving.

I have also promised her I will try and do something everyday that I am away and that I will send her a picture of snow, and me exercising. Otherwise I might get a message on facebook checking up on me :P

Got to love me trainer!

Looking into the new year, I have already decided that I would like to amp up my exercise. At the moment I am doing 2x 30 min personal training sessions a week and a 45min boxing session. I think next year I would like to up my PT sessions to an hour, and am still deciding whether to do another boxing session, or to try something else.

This will probably be my last post before I go away, as I can't guarantee Internet access while I'm away, so I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and I hope that the new year brings everyones new found resolutions and dedication a wonderful reward.

xox

Confidence

For many years now I have been struggling with confidence. It's something that I know a lot of people struggle with in different ways.

For me it started after I first lost weight. I was young, healthy, fit and had a new found confidence in myself and body. Cue first boyfriend.

I've had two boyfriends. Both of which loved me for who I am, but both brought out the worst in me- unhealthy eating habits, lack of exercise, cuddling up watching movies. So within 2 years I had gained pretty much all my weight back on.

Throughout this time, one of the few things that was remarked upon by friends and families alike was how confident I was, and I realised just how attractive someone who is confident can be.

When I broke up with my last BF and I realised that I had gained all my weight and more back on, my confidence took a dive.

But my pride wouldn't let me admit this. I didn't want to go back to the way I was before. So for the last 3 years I have pretended that I am happy with who I am and that I'm confident and friendly and all of the above, all the while shying away from any male contact.

I mean if I dated then they would actually have to see my body (....eventually.... if things went well). Unclothed. With all my flaws.

Its something that now that I am losing weight and getting fitter and healthier that I have thought about a lot. Will I regain my confidence? Will I be able to let someone in?

So far the answer has been a big fat NO. I have gone out and looked at guys but I can't seem to take the next step.

Lately I have been blaming the stuff going at home (parent's divorcing, moving house, father cheated and left us in debt) I mean who wants to bring someone into that? But as I try to convince mum not to give up hope on all men and that she'll find someone who loves her the way she is, I can't help wondering if I believe the same thing for myself.

But of course I'm to proud to talk about this to friends and family- that would reveal my deep seated fear and lack of confidence, and I can't have that.