Tracking my weight loss

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Tired of perfection

I am so sick and tired of those that seem to be the perfect weight loss loser.

You have more will power than me, you can stick to your diet goals, you're going harder at the gym.

Woohoo good for you. There is no need to brag about it in my face.

I am genuinely happy for you. But don't you dare make me feel as if my weight loss is not good enough.

Just because my journey is different to yours does not mean it is right or wrong. People work through things differently.

I understand that I have a lot of emotions tied to food. And I know it will take time to work through those. Just because I give in to those now or then, or because I seem more relaxed about it does not mean I am not dealing with it.

All I have heard about dieting is that is bad for you. You stick to one restricted plan for too long and you crack. I have heard that almost 95% of dieters regain their weight and then some within 2 years of losing it.

Why? Because they haven't worked through their issues. They lose the will power to stay on something so restrictive and they start to go back to old habits. I have been so good for so long I deserve to have a piece of cake now and then. And so it begins.

That is NOT how I want to be. I want to work through my problems. Find a balance between the food I love and the foods I need. To enjoy and actually want to do exercise. To be able to go out with friends and enjoy the same foods without being judged or judging them.

I want to be normal.

Yes that sounds idyllic. And so many people will say that I am being unrealistic to think I can make any changes without dieting or restricting.


It has worked for me so far.

I CAN go out. No I don't eat dessert, I make a healthy choice for dinner, and I do NOT feel guilty.
I CAN eat a piece of chocolate when I am tired and stressed.
I CAN enjoy life.
I do NOT need to be good ALL the time.

As long as I exercise more than I eat. Then I am fine. Which is what I plan to keep on doing.
Yes I might hit a plateau and need to change something to keep losing weight. But that does not mean I need to drop everything in my life, go completely organic within a week and then crash and burn within 3 days.

I understand my body, my mentality and what I need to do to make sure I achieve my goals. So congratulations that you have done so well. So have I. Now leave me alone.

Sunday, 23 September 2012


I am sitting at work in a size smaller skirt! That has a zip! Woohoo!

This is a big moment for me! All my hard work is paying off, I am ONE SIZE away from my goal :)


Ok something that I have done for a while now in order to motivate myself is to refuse to wear bigger size clothing. I refused to go buy more clothes that fit into the "plus" sized family.

That meant that I wasn't allowed jeans, skirts, pants etc until I could get into the next size down.

It was a bit of a struggle at times, and I am glad that I am finally making progress as I need work clothes, but it is a great feeling to know I have succeeded!

People asked me, why does it matter? Can't you just get the next size up? Especially my mother when I really liked a skirt/pair of jeans but I couldn't quite fit into them.

The answer was NO. As I tried to explain to mum, that was a line that I wasn't willing to cross. That was what had got me this far, by not fitting into clothes and refusing to buy bigger clothes I HAD to make changes, I had to exercise and get smaller, otherwise I wouldn't have any clothes to wear.

And it worked and it feels amazing :)

To know that I am actually wearing a size smaller skirt, one that does not have an elastic waistband or is made of cotton or something really stretchy is like a dream come true.

Not only that but I am only one size up from being a size 14: my goal size. So close!

I still struggle with jeans, so that is my next motivator. To fit into a pair of jeans. Especially as I need some for my December trip to Sweden!

Does anyone else have a motivator that might not make sense to others? Something that has helped you to start to make those changes in your life?

Monday, 17 September 2012

The experimentation with food we call a diet.

Every one of us that is losing weight has to look at the food we eat at some time or another. Whether it be as a meal plan, simply eating better and not undoing the hard work, removing sugar, carbs, protein, counting calories or having shakes or meals delivered.

Every one of us is experimenting with the food we eat to find the best solution for us, whether it be to be healthier or to lose weight, or for medical reasons such as high cholesterol or blood sugar.

My approach to begin with was a food diary, which helped me to open my eyes to when I was eating and what I was turning too when I didn't eat right. This helped me to realise I had to have three meals a day with two snacks. Otherwise I would end up at 3pm or 8pm searching the cupboards for that chocolate or cookie.

After doing the food diary for almost 4 months I thought I would give it a go by myself. It started well but it also happened around a time when, if I am honest, I just didn't have the energy, time or motivation to keep it up myself.

Then having enough of this I got into personal training. PT has changed my life. Not only do I enjoy exercising- who would have thought?? but it has put me back on track and now that I am noticing results and feeling good I feel I need to make better food choices to keep that work going.

Now this happened about a month ago, and going back to what I learnt from my food diary I have been trying to have three meals a day and two snacks. The problem is I would still crack and have that chocolate snack.

After looking over what I was eating again, I realised  a) that it wasn't good enough, I need to be healthier and b) I was eating a lot of protein but not very much healthy carbs.

I realised that it could be that I wasn't eating enough of the right carbs that I was then cracking and going for the highly processed sugary carbs in chocolate or lollies.

So this is my diet revised:

Breakfast : Healthy Cereal (Heart tick approved, min fat and sugar) with Rice Milk.
Lunch: Usually leftovers or a ham and salad roll/sandwich.
Dinner: Misc.

Snacks: Fruit, muesli bars or cup a soups.
Drinks: Water, coffee
Treats: Very occasionally now I will let myself have a piece of chocolate. Simply because if I cut it out all together then I will simply crave it more. However it is only one or two pieces. And not every day like I used too!

Since making the changes I have been really surprised! I know I shouldn't be, but I am.  I have stopped getting the cravings in the afternoon, and by having something savoury instead I am slowly training my body out of the "it's 3pm I need a sweet" mindset . Not only that but I don't even need as many snacks or as big a portions as what I used too.

I think this was something that was happening before, but because of my meal choices I wasn't giving my body the choice to eat or not. Now I am slowly getting into the frame of mind that I eat when I am hungry, not because I can, or because I am bored, or angry or upset or because it is just there in front of me.

So my goals for my diet include three steps:

Step 1: Get used to eating these meals and eventually replace unhealthy dinner meals with better choices. ( This is hard one, as I still eat with my family, who are not on a diet, but if I slowly introduce healthy versions I am hoping to convince them to eat healthier as well)

Step 2: Decrease the amount of sugar in my diet. This is not because I think I eat a lot of sugar, but once I am happy with my eating habits, and feel the need to go that step further and really cut out sugar. I know this will be hard as it is in so much foods! And will ultimately change how I think and prepare meals.

Step 3: This I think will happen hand in hand with Step 2, I would like to go as organic as possible and prepare as much as possible myself. At the moment this is pretty difficult as a) I don't have a lot of time and b) I need to learn how to cook/prepare the foods that I eat regularly.

The first one that I would like to change is bread. We have a bread machine at home, I just need to learn how to use it and start to make it a habit.

Yesterday was the first day that I not only wore tight clothing to training, so not my usual baggy t-shirt over the top to cover up my stomach, but I also managed to jog 800 meters, and I wasn't even too out of breath.

The t- shirt thing means that I am slowly becoming happy with how I look. The 800 metres means I am becoming fitter (sure 800 metres isn't much, but for someone who doesn't run AT ALL- that's a lot).

I do not want to ruin all that hard work by my food choices. Not when I have come so far!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

I can't believe I walked away..

From Pizza!

That's right. I managed to walk away after only having two slices of pizza! I have NEVER EVER been able to do this before.

I put the two slices on my plate. Poured my glass of fizzy drink. And that was that, when I finished it I put my plate away and WALKED AWAY from the temptation.

Megan: 1
Pizza: 0

I am looking forward to this weekend the weather is finally clearing up and I'm hoping to be able to enjoy some time outdoors to make up for last weekend. Fingers crossed!

Ps. Someone I hadn't seen in FOREVER said I looked great and could tell I had lost weight, so I'm on a high right now >.<

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Weekend Confession

This coming Friday is my birthday. I will be 23 years old! Or young. Depending on who you're talking to.

Any who, most of my friends had family things on this coming weekend, so I decided to celebrate early.

My weekend confession:

Thursday night I caught up with my friend for coffee. We talked for hours, it was a great night. Except I didn't eat dinner until 9.30pm and then it was a take away chicken roll (with salad!).

Friday night I went for drinks with the girls after work. I had four drinks and didn't eat again till 10pm- I had two pieces of toast with vegemite (like marmite but not) with cheese.

Saturday I had a big breakfast, two eggs, sunny side up, two pieces of bacon and a big mushroom- Yummy! (But definitely not on my eat every day list)
Then I went shopping and had a coffee AND did not eat lunch.

Then I headed out to a friends house party where several of my friends decided that they were going to get me drunk to celebrate my early birthday.

First of all, I do not normally drink. EVER. It's just not something I do. My friends have never ever seen me be drunk. Yes tipsy, having a good time, socialising, but never ever drunk. I usually just start off keeping up with everyone, then when they get too tipsy to notice if I'm drinking or not, I stop. I don't know why, it is just something I have always done. I think it might have something to do with control and letting go.

Well they saw me drunk on Saturday. Not only did they give me tequila, even when I told them not too! But because I hadn't eaten either. NOT A GOOD THING!

So yes I vomited. They all laughed and thought it was hilarious and now I feel like I have officially lived my youth and they can all stop trying to get me drunk.

It was funny though, as one of the comments I do remember was "What? You don't actually drink at all????!!" Obviously I had tried to tell people that I don't drink and they hadn't believed me. Maybe they just thought I don't drink much, but no, I don't drink at all.

For all that though, I was up at 6am on Sunday, barely a headache and felt fine. I did have a nice snooze in the sun in the afternoon and that was it.

So summary:

I ate very badly, and drank. More than I have in a long time. But I also know that this was a one-off. I don't plan on drinking like this every weekend. It's not my birthday every weekend. I don't want to start getting in bad habits.

On the other hand, this weekend I proved that I have finally started to break eating out of habit- "it's lunch time therefore I must eat lunch". Not because I am actually hungry.

This is something that I have been working on, that and making sure that everything I eat contributes to my overall health. This is something that I used to do a lot when I first lost weight but it has become harder as I struggle to plan and organise meals etc. I also have been under a lot of stress at work which I feel like I have finally been able to let go and relax.

All in all, I feel bad at what I did, but it just makes me feel more determined to do better and go harder. I have been doing really well in training so I feel like I don't want to ruin that with food.

I have even cut back on chocolate lately, and I haven't felt deprived or anything!

So looking forward, not back and here's hoping the next year of my life is positive, healthy and full of achievements!

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Friends, revelations, barriers and coffee.

I caught up with one of my close friends last night over a coffee. One of the things that I love about her is that we can not see each other for 6 months and still feel like it was yesterday that we caught up. That and we always have something to talk about.

One of the things that comes up a lot in our conversations is weight loss and healthy living. Both of us have struggled with our weight quite a lot and are still struggling with it now and whenever we catch up we talk about our highs and lows, what we've learnt and where we are going with it now.

As we were talking about weight loss and our recent struggles we brought up how we feel like we understand each other, we've been through similar things and are on similar paths.

Not so with another of my close "bigger girl" friends. You would think seeing as I've known this girl for almost 10 years now, that we have hung out, we have the same friends, we both struggle with our weight  and health etc that I would be able to talk as easily as I do with my other coffee friend.

But instead she has this huge barrier up around her that prevents me from talking about weight and health and struggles with her, and that is that she is happy with who she is and how big she is.

How can you talk to someone with how they are struggling to lose weight when they constantly tell you they are happy with who they are and what size they are? That they like their lifestyle and the way they live even when they are now struggling with the health problems associated with being obese.

I love both my friends dearly and I wish I could have more open conversations with both of them, not just the one, as I want all my friends and loved ones to live a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Talking about it with my coffee friend made me realise that is a barrier, a smoke screen, that she is putting up to hide her own feelings and that I need to push past that. If there's anyone who can relate to her in our group of friends, it's me, and I need to make sure I'm there for her when she does need to talk or vent or make those first few steps.

That to be a true friend I need to reach out to her and offer the support that she needs to get through this.

On a side not, I made a few revelations while talking to my coffee friend and I would like to share them, so here goes:

  • You would think losing weight the second time would be easier, but it's not! Instead you now know the fear of failing and this has been holding me back.
  • My fear of relationships stems from my unreal expectations of " when I get skinny I will find THE one" but in the back of my head I'm saying " he only wants you because you're skinny, not because you're you".
  • I need to realise ME is ME no matter what size I am.
  • The number on the scales isn't the be all or the end all. If I have a flat tummy and fit into the size I want I will be happy with who I am.
  • Smaller fitness goals helps me to motivate myself and keep myself on track.
  • If I start my day right I will usually end my day right.
  • I need to do this for me, not "when I come back I will show them/him/her what I can do." Because once you reach that goal, where do you go from there?
  • I will be "fit and healthy" is too generalised. I need to focus on what EXACTLY I want out of life and how I want to live and then make goals to achieve this.

Monday, 3 September 2012

Fat v's Skinny: a Fashionable Debate

There has been a lot of controversy here in Aus lately about "Fat Fashion bloggers" and the increasing acceptance of overweight and obese women as beautiful. The debate comes down to those that are "Fat" and "Fashionable" debating that being fat does not affect their ability to be beautiful and/or fashionable and if they do not have a problem with it then nobody else should.

On the other side there are those that believe that they are promoting obesity and being overweight as normal and healthy and this can lead to an increase in weight for women and consequently health issues.

There are also those that believe that being Fat does not mean you can be beautiful, healthy or fashionable. That you have to be a certain size/shape to be beautiful.

As a bigger girl, I have a healthy interest in this debate. As a woman I believe that everyone has the right to look and feel beautiful and fashionable. If you can do that at any size, good for you. I also believe that it is wrong to discriminate against someone just because of their size. What size you are is your personal choice and it is wrong for others to say that because you are a size 20 (for example) then you cannot have a fashionable wardrobe or wear clothes of a certain shape.

I do not agree however that being fat is healthy and should be encouraged. I do not want to see our children and our children's children to become obese at a young age and never know that it is unhealthy. To have them grow up with health issues and never experience a happy healthy life.

I also think that there are many different sizes of "healthy" and that the current fashion industry is only just recognising this. Many "plus" sized models are size 12 and 14!! That is a healthy weight and size and is the average size of Australian women.

I personally would be a happy if I fitted comfortably between the size 12-14 Australian sizes. I do not think of my being size 16 as unhealthy, but I know that I have fat and am not the healthiest I could be. I do not want to encourage others to become like me, because that could lead them to be worse than me. I exercise and I eat well and I know that many people would not see that when they look at me.

I also think that I can be beautiful and fashionable even if I do have fat. This is a picture of me when I was at my lowest. I was still a size 16 and overweight. But I love this picture and I think it is beautiful.

Do you believe that you can be a beautiful and fashionable as a bigger woman? Do you want to encourage obesity and being overweight as healthy? Or would you rather that there was more acceptance of a broader range of shapes and sizes?

As long as we are healthy I think all shapes and sizes should be accepted.