One of the things that comes up a lot in our conversations is weight loss and healthy living. Both of us have struggled with our weight quite a lot and are still struggling with it now and whenever we catch up we talk about our highs and lows, what we've learnt and where we are going with it now.
As we were talking about weight loss and our recent struggles we brought up how we feel like we understand each other, we've been through similar things and are on similar paths.
Not so with another of my close "bigger girl" friends. You would think seeing as I've known this girl for almost 10 years now, that we have hung out, we have the same friends, we both struggle with our weight and health etc that I would be able to talk as easily as I do with my other coffee friend.
But instead she has this huge barrier up around her that prevents me from talking about weight and health and struggles with her, and that is that she is happy with who she is and how big she is.
How can you talk to someone with how they are struggling to lose weight when they constantly tell you they are happy with who they are and what size they are? That they like their lifestyle and the way they live even when they are now struggling with the health problems associated with being obese.
I love both my friends dearly and I wish I could have more open conversations with both of them, not just the one, as I want all my friends and loved ones to live a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Talking about it with my coffee friend made me realise that is a barrier, a smoke screen, that she is putting up to hide her own feelings and that I need to push past that. If there's anyone who can relate to her in our group of friends, it's me, and I need to make sure I'm there for her when she does need to talk or vent or make those first few steps.
That to be a true friend I need to reach out to her and offer the support that she needs to get through this.
On a side not, I made a few revelations while talking to my coffee friend and I would like to share them, so here goes:
- You would think losing weight the second time would be easier, but it's not! Instead you now know the fear of failing and this has been holding me back.
- My fear of relationships stems from my unreal expectations of " when I get skinny I will find THE one" but in the back of my head I'm saying " he only wants you because you're skinny, not because you're you".
- I need to realise ME is ME no matter what size I am.
- The number on the scales isn't the be all or the end all. If I have a flat tummy and fit into the size I want I will be happy with who I am.
- Smaller fitness goals helps me to motivate myself and keep myself on track.
- If I start my day right I will usually end my day right.
- I need to do this for me, not "when I come back I will show them/him/her what I can do." Because once you reach that goal, where do you go from there?
- I will be "fit and healthy" is too generalised. I need to focus on what EXACTLY I want out of life and how I want to live and then make goals to achieve this.