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Sunday, 22 January 2012

Emotional Rollercoaster

The last couple of weeks have been full of ups and downs. Currently most of my family live on the east side of Australia, with only my mum, dad, sister and brother on the west side. This makes it hard to catch up and see everyone.

So the upside, my uncle and his family suprise us with a visit for 10 days. Its great to see everyone, but it also throws out my routine! Unfortunately I dont adapt well to change.. there goes all my plans to go to the gym as I worry about who's winning cards and what movies we will watch.. there goes all my great meals as we worry about feeding 12 people!! and not to mention sleeping in the wrong bed and being sleep deprived and then craving sugar the next day... I got through it, it wasnt my finest hour, but hey you have to able to live right?

This weekend however... my parents decided its time to separate. Talk about emotions! My father has been cheating, is in debt, has being using that debt to view mistresses, and my mother is heart broken as she only now realises that he has been stringing her along until he was ready to tell her. OUCH!

Now its trying to be calm around my father, look after my brother, make my mum feel better and tell her its the best for everyone and not to mention how I feel... craving going to the gym right now to work out some emotion but scared to leave everyone alone.. so now I have to face up to whats more important, my health or my family, and does it really need to be one or the other?

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Giggles, pears and skirts.

This article gave me a giggle this morning. Some hard truths perhaps but funny none the less. Got to love sarcasm. :D

Went shopping last night and for the first time in a long long long long LONG time I actually fit into a AUS size 16 skirt in one of the nicer shops. Now for many people that might not be a big deal (dam you apple shaped women with your skinny legs!!)  but for me, being a pear, and refusing to wear anything that is tight, denim or without elastic (besides work clothes of course) on my bottom half, this is a big deal. Lets just say it put me in a good mood :)

Hurray! One small step for me!

<<<<<<<<<<< THE skirt :D

Following through..

So I had a pretty good break really. All in All. I ate fairly healthily, I made sure to exercise but quite frankly I am glad to be back at work and into my routine again.

While I was on break I was slipping into old habits, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I didn't have my routine. I didn't have the foods that I would normally eat on hand and I was thrown out of balance so I started falling back into old habits.

Luckily it was only a week, and I noticed what I was doing and started trying to get back into the routine, but still it shows how quickly I could fall off the band wagon. And I do NOT want that.

So back to getting into routine. There was a storm Monday night and I couldnt sleep at all! Then Tuesday was my first day back ( argh) and Tuesdays are gym day. Did I want to go to the gym? No. Was I tired? Yes. Did I have all the gym stuff in my car? Yes. 

So what happened? After I had made up my mind not to go to the gym, to go home, have a break and go tomorrow, I got in the car and I drove to the gym.

This is why I love routine. It also made me very happy to know that I chose the gym. I'm breaking those bad habits. Slowly.

It also helps when your family starts saying things like " you've definately lost weight" " have your friends noticed yet?" " and look at your waist!". Compliments never fail to boost anyones day, but knowing they are about my weight, which is a normally a negative, makes me more motivated. I mean how could I not go to the gym when it means I get compliments like that?

I found this article today about motivation and following through, and sometimes you have to stop listening to that inner voice and some thing. Like me going to the gym on Tuesday. It has some good points, so if you have the motivation but not the power to follow through, then maybe you should have a read. Or maybe you should stop reading this and get moving!

The New Year.

Reading my last post makes me laugh as I think about how strict and rightous I was going to be over the holiday season.

So I drank more than I said I would, and ate more than I thought I would, and exercised less than I promised I would. But all in all, I don't feel guilty. I had fun, I enjoyed my holidays, but I don't think I went overboard. I enjoyed it enough to not be left out, but not enough to make me want to give up.

If anything it has made my resolve stronger, especially hearing half of my friends confess their new years resolution is to lose weight. At least I know they understand, and heck I'm already ahead of the game because I started last year.

This year, I have decided, will be the year of change. Its already happening, my family dynamics, friendships, work, travel, health... they are all on the brink of change, and this year is the year I see them all going over the edge.

Lets just hope I don't get too caught up in the change and can still focus on myself.

To the new year!!


This is only a short blog, and probably the only one until after the holiday season (yay!)

I am now 2.5kg lighter- woohoo. Slow and steady. And while I am dissapointed as it looks like I won't be hitting my 8kg by end of December goal, at least I have lost some weight and am still determined to stick with it.

Coincidently reading an article this morning which says that for the best weight loss results aim for half a pound a week. By that equation I'm doing quite well. As it has been roughly 6 weeks (this being the 7th) since I started and have lost 5.5 pounds.

It also means that should I continue to lose about half a pound a week I will actually lose the total amount of weight I want to lose long before I thought I would. (haha now thats a tongue twister)
By July or some such actually. Rather than October. Scary. In 6 months I could look totally different!

It will also mean I need to re- evaluate my goals.So : I want  to lose 10 kgs by the end of February. (Right before my girls weekend to Sydney!)

Some small steps to make sure I stay on track for the holidays are:

Limited alcohol. While Im not a big drinker, I may try one or two drinks, especially as mum might be making cocktails! I will stick to water and tonic water and lime most of the time though!

No over eating. I can try something but I don't need to eat an entire piece of pudding, with custard and cream, plus christmake cake, plus all those other things that mums been cooking up! A mouthful (or two) is fine.

Excercise! Seeing as we have a dam, and I'm pretty close to some nice bush trails I might spend my time enjoying some swimming and walking instead of the gym. The best thing is, I can do it with the family, and it won't feel like I'm the grinch (off to the gym while everyones trying out the latest game/toys that they were given for xmas.)

I hope everyone has a wonderful christmas and new year- and best of luck staying on top of their weight loss goals!

The things I learnt this morning..

So after reading my morning array of weight loss articles and news there are quite a few things I didn't know. Here are just a couple.

To lose one pound or half a kilo, you have to burn 3500 calories AND cut your intake by 150 calories.
(My question is - how do you measure that? I mean sure you can be on the treadmill and the bike and see how many calories you burn on that, but what about when you do strength training or skipping or crunchies and squats and all those wonderful things? Or do personal trainers work all that out for you?? )

Secondly, stress really does affect weight loss. And if you reduce your stress you maintain or lose weight, but if you continue to be stressed you'll continue to gain weight. Scary isn't it?

Supposedly coffee or caffeine is good for workouts. They just haven't worked out how much caffeine is needed, but apparently it helps you to go harder and longer, and actually want to go back and do it again!

You can exercise all you want, but really, if you don't eat right, theres nor guarantee you'll lose any weight.
(While I already kind of understood this, its still interesting to read that people exercise, only to put whatever they want into their mouths and expect results.)

Well thats my learning from this morning summed up. Tomorrow I weigh myself again.. I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing!

Fitness First. Weight Loss Second.

Went to the gym last night. And believe me I was in the zone. It was great! I did 45 min on the bike, on level 9 and worked off 680 calories! Woot!
It felt Aaaamazing! And afterwards I wasnt event tired or sore or even panting hard.

3 weeks ago and I wouldn't have been able to have done that. 3 weeks ago and I would have barely made it through 10 min on the bike.

Its great to see results in my fitness, even if the scales aren't exactly reflecting that right about now.. but it got me thinking..

Should I really be worrying about my weight loss so much, when I am clearly in a better place than I was a month ago? I mean I'm eating healthier, exercising more often and harder, my skin looks amazing and I have so much more energy... shouldn't I be happy with that? Besides everyone knows weight loss doesnt exactly follow a logical order, and the scales don't reflect the amount of muscle that I might have either.. so maybe I need to chill and be happy with what I have.

Then, reading this article this morning, and thought I would share. Essentially it says that its maintaining and improving your fitness levels that prevents cardiovascular problems (heart attacks etc) not decreasing your BMI.

"It means that we can tell people to continue to exercise even if they're not seeing changes overtly physically," Narula continued. "It can be disheartening for people exercising and dieting to not see results. Being able to say its effects are going on at a level that you may not visibly see may translate into long-term outcomes; that's a powerful message."
"So, to live longer you need to exercise more even if you're not shedding pounds."

So really, if I was to become incredibly fit, and still weighed what I did today, I would still reduce my risk of heart disease.. good news!

(Secretly if I was incredibly fit I would hope my body didn't weigh the same as it does today- I mean, I want to look good too!)

But it does mean looking at going to the gym differently, I'm there to get fit, not just to lose weight, to be fitter and healthier. I want to be one of those people that can run marathons at the end of my weight loss, not someone that hate's the thought of exercising and gains weight all over again.

Ariticle :

What motivates you? Do you need more reasons to go to the gym other than weight loss? (personally the good looking guys does help A LOT) Or is weight loss enough to motivate you?

Me v's the bikini

I finally took some photo's the other day. Scary. It's one thing to see yourself in your clothes, that are specifically chosen to show off your best parts (and hide the rest) and quite another to see yourself in an ill fitting 3 year old pair of bathers. Urgh.

There is a reason why I avoid looking at and wearing bathers. All I can say is that I am trying to change and hopefully not to long in the future I won't be so depressed when I see myself in the mirror in the same pair of bathers.

Saying that- great motivation! Especially as I only have a few weeks to go before I need to reach my first goal of 8kg... I'd be happy with 6, but I'll try for 8. I mean theres no harm in trying to lose more right? Feeling a bit impatient right about now though- I mean I'm eating like a MILLION times healthier, well maybe not a million,  but pretty close, and NADA. Sigh.

It's just that last time it was so easy. I lost 5kg in one week once! Not exactly healthy perhaps, but great for my ego!

I know it won't be as easy this time, things are different, setting, age, diet etc etc but it would be good to have a little sign right about now to say - yes you are on the right track, keep going, its making a difference!- you know one of those..

Ah well. I'm determined that I will win against my worst enemy: the Bikini and this time next year I will laugh in its face and dare it to make me feel fat again. Take that.

One step for..well.. me!

After reading many scarily good blogs from people in the same situation, I am feeling quite daunted by the thought of updating this blog. It will never be as cool or as quirky as some of the others, but then again, it's not really about that is it? Its about me pouring my thoughts out into this poor little blog while I struggle with weight loss.

Weight loss. Funny, when I talk to most people they say they are trying to lose weight, that they are going to do something, try the newest craze, do the latest fitness class, but do they really mean it?

Most of them don't really need to, most of my family says that they are going on a diet of some sort, yet they have no trouble fitting in their size 10/12 clothes and sporting the latest bikini.

After reading some of the many, many awesome blogs out there, I am happy and inspired to finally meet real live people that are in similar situations as myself. I am not alone!

More excitingly is that after opening up to my friends, and asking for them to watch out for me and to confiscate those fries from my plate if need be- which they all jumped at, I might add- I might have actually inspired someone else to finally make the next step in losing weight, to make the plunge so to speak.

I hope she does. It would be awesome to have a person to share goals and achievements with.

Speaking of which. Its been two weeks since I started exercising properly and watching what I eat, and guess what? The proof is in the scales. I've already lost 1.5 kg or 3.3lbs for those that don't use the metric system :P

My first goal for weight loss is 8kg, or 17.6 lbs. This would get me well past my stumbling block and put me into my 90's (or about the 210lbs mark). The lightest I'll have been in over a year. A scary thought!!

After coming home from the gym last night and aching all over and wondering if going to the gym ever stops hurting? I couldn't help but fantasize what it would be like if I did lose all the weight. I've never been small. EVER. This would be like going into unknown terrritory, I wouldn't know what to dress like, what I will look like, or whether after all this I'll be happy with my body? I don't know if I'll still be.. me?

* Note to self: Seeing as everyone seems to be posting A- mazing photos, or before/after shots of themselves I must endeavour to take a photo to put on this blog. I normally shy away from photos, but I will try my best

The Five Steps to Acceptance

They say that there are 5 steps of acceptance. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally, Acceptance.

Why am I talking about Acceptance? Perhaps because like so many people that have problems with their weight I have struggled to accept myself. I have denied how much my weight was affecting my life, how much it has started to control who I am and what I do, and has slowly affected my normal confident self and the relationships around me.

Step 1: DENIAL.

After years of saying how I am going to lose the weight and make a difference in my life, it finally came to me that I was in denial. I didn't really think I would lose the weight, and I was just making it into something I would do one day, in the future sometime, but not right now. Suddenly years had passed and I was still overweight and still hadn't made an effort to help myself.

So I decided. That's it. No more lying to myself. It was time to make a change and actually do what I said I would do. So this is it, the first week of the rest of my life. So to speak.

So to start with I decided I needed goals. Something to motivate me, keep me going. So I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to do that my weight was holding me back on.

Learn to dance.
Buy clothes off the rack.
Go swimming at the beach.
Having a relationship.
Go Scuba Diving
Get a tattoo. ( Maybe. I don't know. I'm pretty scared of the idea really)

Then I started another list, this time with weight loss goals and what I would do to reward myself once I got there.

December 2011: 8kgs
Reward: Day Spa Treatment.

February 2012: 8kgs
Reward:  Go see a play or concert.

March 2012: 4kgs
Reward: New Laptop (or a really expensive bag)

May 2012: 5kgs
Reward:  Burn all of my old clothes! Have a party to celebrate!

July 2012: 5kgs
Reward: Go Bungy Jumping

October 2012: 5kgs
Total: 35kgs

Go Scuba Diving.

And finally another list (I just love lists) to guide myself in what would be a new way of living.

I have to eat breakfast.
I have to eat salad or vegetables with lunch and dinner.
No late night snacks after dinner.
No alcohol.
Eat fruit everyday.

Now after reading all this, you might think that this is just another diet, just another fat person trying to lose weight, and in many ways you're right. Or you could be thinking I should do this too, I should make a change, set some goals and see how I go. And it's for those people that I am writing this, for them and for myself.

I haven't reached the second stage of acceptance yet, but I am sure that on my weight loss journey I will no doubt find my anger.