Cravings, portion control and in tune with my body.

I touched on this briefly my last post. But I honestly feel like I have finally started feeling in tune with my body. Hard to believe, I know.

What I am talking about is the art of realising when one is full. Of knowing when you are actually hungry and when you are bored. Of sitting down and enjoying meals and not picking constantly throughout the day. Of not eating just for the sake of it being 8am, 12pm, 6pm.

I am constantly surprised by this. Mostly because I am so used to eating all the time. To be constantly looking for the next meal. To have snacks and food surround me for fear of hunger.

Now it is different. Slowly but surely I am learning to actually listen to my body. What makes it feel good, what doesn't. Coffee my warm friend in the morning, is actually becoming a turn off as the heavy weight of the milk hits my stomach and makes me feel gross. Grapes I am loving at the moment. Same with banana and peanut butter on toast (random I know, but great when I get sick of eggs or porridge).

Once upon a time I looked forward to the weekend so that I could enjoy a massive cooked breakfast ( I love eggs). Now I can't even get through the same size plate. Instead I enjoy eggs with avocado on toast. Occasionally bacon for a guilty pleasure.

Cooked chicken from the super market actually makes me feel sick.

I still enjoy 'the good stuff'. I still occasionally over eat, as I adjust my eyes to that of my stomach and learn to say, 'I'm full'. But it is slowly but surely happening.

I am also delighted that my new partner has been very supportive. Happy to encourage me to do better, but appreciating me for who I am now. It's nice to have that encouragement come from a place of love. Too many people 'mean well' but their comments hurt rather than help.

So watch this space. Maybe 2015 will be my year after all!

Overhaul: All by myself

So I officially moved out on Friday. And simultaneously was excited to finally take my health into my own hands, while also wondering how I was going to afford everything.

Because I now have a house and mortgage to pay. All by myself. On my small wage with a charity organisation. And of course not living out of home before, I did not have all those things that people have when they live out of home. Plus there is all the other things, the added extras that you need to pay, such as painting, rates, fans, gardening and retic and air conditioning etc

All by myself.

Anyways, as you can imagine my brain is in overload right now. Especially with all the things I need to organise. Summer is only a couple of months here and I would ideally like some air conditioning before then... but that could take a while to save up, should I not just get TV and some fans instead??

Plus food, and exercise. So far I have a been a bit busy and too tired to exercise but I hope to start going for walks/jogs around the neighbourhood soon. Just need to settle in and unpack a few things first.

Food has been good. I've been wanting to experiment with being more vegetarian for a while, so decided now was the perfect chance to. So that's what I've been doing so far. Plus I made a batch of soup and put it in the freezer in preparation of those days when I won't want to cook. So proud of myself!

Knowing that finances is going to be difficult for a while means that I'm trying to plan ahead and think of ways I can shop better and make food last longer. Left overs for lunches and meals in the freezer so I don't resort to buying expensive take-away for instance. Plus selling off a few things that I don't need for some spare cash.

It's going to be a long haul, and very hard for me to hold back and not want to get everything sorted RIGHT NOW. Rather than wait until next week when I know how much money I have. But hey, I think I can do it. I am quite ambitious after all and have no problem with not having a social life for while.

I'm hoping with the combination of smaller meals, more vegetables and healthier foods, plus the introduction of walking/jogging most days I can get back onto the band wagon and stop the creeping kilos. It's been a few months since I stopped PT and I miss it, and feel like I've put on 1-2kgs. Possibly it's just a lack of muscle, but I don't want to take the chance of it being a long term thing.

Once I've settled in and got some expensive items out of the way, I'll look into the possibility of dance classes or something to up the ante.

But here's cheers to learning how to live thrifty, and healthy, all by myself.

This weekend was glorious

I had an amazing weekend. I managed to get done pretty much everything I meant to, did some great relaxing activities, caught up with friends, spent time in the sunshine and even baked!

I painted, I read, I watched movies, I did the cleaning, ironing and even managed to fit in a few walks with the dog.

It left me feeling relaxed, satisfied and proud. I didn't feel stressed, or that I didn't make the most of my weekend. I embraced it and enjoyed it and had plenty of downtime to boot.

It's coming back to priorities and what really makes me happy. Do I really want to spend all weekend eating junk food and watching movies? Does that make me happy? Leave me feeling satisfied? Or does it make me feel bad about myself, make me feel like I've wasted my weekend and created a binging cycle where I hate myself even more for the way I look.

I've started identifying the things that really make me happy and making sure I include these in my weekend. Sure I may have to work, or do some chores around the house, or do some of those mundane things. But the key is to make sure I block out some 'me' time. And not just wait for it to happen, but be proactive about it and make sure it happens and include things I really want to do.

And what do I really want to do? Spend time outdoors in the sun. Play with my dog. Talk with friends. Enjoy a good coffee. Be pampered. Explore around me.

I don't want to be sick, tired, sore and watch life pass me by. That is not what I want to be like.

Sure some people might say that I'm watching life pass me by because I don't go out on a Saturday night. But if going out, getting dressed up, being splilt drinks on, coming home, tired, seedy and gross is what entails going out and living life, then I am happy to pass that opportunity up. Life is what we make of it, not what our friends or peers do. Do what you enjoy, not what everyone else enjoys. Otherwise you'll only have regrets.

Jogging- It's a big deal

So since not having a PT anymore, I've started looking into my exercise options. At the moment I am mostly walking and concentrating on health (still not 100%). However I know that if I leave it too long then I will get into the habit of NOT exercising and possibly fall back into other old bad habits.

I have never been a runner. But I have always admired people who were. It just seems like an easy free and freeing exercise. Much like cycling. Except that cycling in Australia you need a helmet for and also ride next to crazy drivers, which does not appeal to me at all.

Anyways yesterday I took the dog for a walk and decided, you know what? I'm going to try a jog most of the way to my (new) house which is a couple of blocks from where I am now. To my surprise, I actually could jog most of the way there and I also wasn't out of breathe so much as sore from using long unused muscles.

This was both surprising and heartening. I have always struggled with my breathing and it has always deterred me from taking up a few sports.

But maybe I am getting past that? Maybe jogging/running is something I can do after all?

I'm trying not to think too much about it and pressure myself into doing something that I might regret or end up hating. But I would like to give it a crack and see how I go. Maybe one day I'll be able to jog to and from my new house to the old? Maybe I'll be able to be one of those people who happily goes for a jog after work? Who knows. Time will tell.

Moving in a new direction

So I have not been posting so much on here lately. Mostly because I have recently discovered instagram and the amazing community of body positivity on there.


I am a huge believer in body positivity. I believe that no matter what size or shape you are that you should be able to feel good about yourself. Not depressed, not deprived, not angry or disgusted. These negative emotions do not help someone to lose weight or make a difference in their lives, instead they lead to more eating and drinking, drugs or suicidal thoughts. Making someone feel bad about how they live their life does not achieve anything except perhaps to make you feel better about how you live yours.


That does not mean I support being unhealthy, overweight and lack of exercise. But I am more accepting that there are people out there that do eat well and look after themselves that do not fit into the standard shape or weight range. Perhaps they have just started their good health journey, or perhaps that is just what their body looks like, or perhaps that is what they are happy with looking like? Who am I to judge. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or personal trainer.


Anyways, back to my own personal troubles. I have been in a bit of a slump, however I am slowly but surely coming back out of it. It was a combination of a few things, being really unwell, stressed and exhausted had a lot to do with it. Basically I had pushed myself too far with work and it had taken it's toll. At the same time my PT made the decision to go back to full time work in order to get the bank loan she needed for her house. Which means two things a) I have more money now that I am not doing PT and b) that I need to find some sort of physical activity to do.


I've been taking it slow as I really just wanted to get my health back and to prove to myself that I wouldn't fall off the band wagon just because I wasn't doing PT and having someone look over my shoulder. I did binge a little, but I have regrouped and am pulling myself back again. Key to this as always is preparation. The more meals I plan in advance the less thinking I have to do and the less chance I have of making decisions that I later regret. So far so good.


Right now I am focusing on finding healthier alternatives to satisfy my sweet tooth and looking into new physical activities to try- dancing or martial arts perhaps. But it is nice to know that after 3 years I am finally in control of my life and that even when I fall off the band wagon it is not for long. I just pick myself up and dust myself off and start again :)

2014, My Year, My Way.

So I have been training for quite a while now, almost 2 years now. Yet I probably only shifted 15kgs and am still struggling with running the stairs on Thursday afternoons.

In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.

The difference? Diet.

I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.

I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.

I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).

Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.

Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.

It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).

The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.

I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!

I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.

If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.

Wish me luck!

The benefits of losing weight- shopping!

I had forgotten how good it feels to be able to fit into smaller clothes. To see something nice in a shop and think, oh that looks like it will fit- and it does.

I had forgotten how much I avoid certain shops, because their clothes were on the smaller side.

I had forgotten how much I relied on stretchy fabric and flowing designs to hide my figure.

Yesterday reminded me how much I had changed.

Yesterday I was looking in Myer and killing some time when I happened to be walking through Cue and noticed some stunning dresses. Dresses that I would not have looked at before this journey. Dresses that I still thought I probably wouldn't fit into- even if it said a size 16!

Anyways, I decided to try it on. What the hell. If it didn't fit then at least that was motivation to continue on my journey.

They didn't have a 16, only a 14. And this was not a stretchy fabric or loose dress. This was fitted around the boobs and waist before flairing out around the hips- perfect for my pear shaped figure.

I pulled the zip up and it stopped and I turned to check the back, wondering how far I had gotten, imagining that it had snagged just above my waist (where I flair back out again). And realised that the zip was at the top of the dress!

You cannot imagine how excited I was.

IT FIT!

I was in a size 14, fitted, amazing, gorgeous dress from a brand that I had always loved but thought I would never wear.

AMAZING.

I was on a shopping high.

As someone that has been slowly losing weight, you often don't notice the transformation as much as others around you.

This was one of those moments when you just need to do a happy dance and be grateful for all the hardwork that you've done. Wearing that dress is definitely worth it!

Retreat

It's hard for me to face the world. All I want to do is block it all out and focus on my thoughts. To try and figure myself out before I deal with people and their comments and looks and judgement.

It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.

Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.

They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.

It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.

No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.

Enough is enough.

Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.

So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.

So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.

New Year, New Goals.

So it's a new year and customary to make new goals. You would think that as this is mostly about weight loss, that it would be all weight loss goals? Not quite.

One of the biggest things I learnt in 2013 was that how I am living the rest of my life has a direct impact on my weight. Or more accurately, what I eat and how much I exercise.

One of my main goals last year was that no matter what, I was to keep exercising. This meant that no matter how stressed, how sore or in pain, how tired or fat or emotional, I just had to keep going.

Mostly that meant sticking to routine and forcing myself to say 'yes' whenever my trainer confirmed an appointment. It also meant that when I was sick or sore (I had some back problems late last year) to talk to my trainer about alternative exercises we could do, or simply doing as much as I could outside of training.

I am glad to say that this was something that I kept up and most weeks I trained at least 2-4 times a week. That may seem low to other people losing weight, but I am working on creating a long term lifestyle change and 2-4 times a week is something I can commit to long term. Heck, I've just done it for a whole year!

I think being able to stick to this one goal has meant that I could focus more effectively. Sure I could have half a dozen goals that I am working on, but when things got tough, that was the one thing I couldn't break. And I have noticed the difference. In the last month alone when everyone has been complaining about not fitting into their summer bikini or favourite dress, I was buying new clothes and squeezing into a pair of jeans that are no longer too small for me. Hallelujah!

Another of my goals for 2013, was to get back into my arts and crafts more. Which I have been doing, I have been painting something almost every month.

I am so glad that I made this a goal and committed to it. I had forgotten how much I missed it and it has made a huge difference in how I feel. Painting for me has always been an emotional vent, often this results in very abstract and bold paintings, sometimes though I am in a more serene state and will do some watercolour landscapes. For me painting has helped me to handle stress, to be more patient and find my inner peace, and to vent my feelings onto something other than food. NEVER underestimate how important this is.

So, two goals for 2013 that made a huge impact onto my life. What will I concentrate on in 2014?

My diet is a major goal for me this year. I will not be going on a diet but I really want to concentrate on eating right and making sure I am not sabotaging myself. Which is what I am doing, particularly when stressed.

Apart from that, I really want to tick a few things off my bucket list. Things like skydiving which I can only do if under 99kgs. Things that I would like to do while young.

Another area I want to work on is using my time and money more effectively. I feel like I have done pretty well cruising along. But once I have a house this will change. I feel like if I can get into some good habits now, it will help tremendously down the track.

I hope everyone else had a great break for Christmas and the New Year and I look forward to reading everyone elses goals and aims for the year ahead.

What's in my head

I am a big thinker. I think, I analyse, I think again. Sometimes I will get so sick of thinking that I will just make a snap decision and do something. It's annoying, it's frustrating, it's who I am.

At the moment I have a few things going on in my brain that I just need to get out somewhere.

Dating
Ok, not the topic you were thinking of right? I have started dating again after starting to feel happier about myself and where I am with my body. I have been on a few dates and met some nice guys.. but no spark. No sizzle. No.. anything.

In the past, part of the reason I didn't date much was that I always assumed that the reason I hadn't met anyone was because of me. It was me that needed to be fixed or wasn't quite right or at my best. It was because I was too fat, too shy, liked my books over walks etc etc.

Now I am right back at that same spot again and all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and refocus on getting me 'right'. Fixing all my problems in time to me the right one.

How insane does that sound? And yet I am struggling to not give in again.

Diet
I am struggling more and more with dairy. Everything I eat seems to make me sick, which in turn makes me unhappy and feeling gross which makes me either want to just lay down and not move or find some sort of food that doesn't make me sick.

Plus I have been super stressed and tired lately (Headache's again argh) and this means that I haven't been making lunches and snacks like I normally would. I have been spending a bit more money so that I buy healthier options, but sometimes I just slip.

This doesn't make me happy. I WANT to do better. I WANT to be healthier. I WANT to lose that last bit of weight and get down to a happy size 14. And yet I can't seem to summon up the energy or enthusiasm to be able to follow through.

So I am going to go see a naturopath and see whether they can help me with my dietary problems and hopefully put me on the right path.

Family
I am so sick of my family at the moment. Mostly my Sister and her Partner. They are on a massive health fix at the moment and it is driving me insane.

They will spend up to $250 on food for one person in a week. How insane is that!!!

That's because her Partner is on some high protein diet and he eats good quality steak like 4 times a day. I don't know how he isn't sick of it yet.

It seems to be working for them and I am happy for them. But oh my god I just wish they would be more considerate. They constantly judge us on what food we eat, because it might have some cheese or pasta in it. They cook for themselves and not the rest of us. But when we cook there's a 50/50 chance of them eating. You just never know. It's just not fair.

And it is so frustrating hearing them tell me what I should be doing. Just because they have had some success on a radical fad diet does not mean they have the right or the knowledge to tell me how to lose weight. I am doing it the right way, with diet and exercise and losing weight consistently over long term.

These are just a few of the swirls of thoughts going round my head. There is more, like travel plans, problems with friends, work, work and more work... it just keeps going and I feel like I barely have a chance to breathe and catch up and get myself in a good place again. I feel like I don't have time to relax and concentrate on me. Just me. No one else.

I hope I can find some time soon to stop and relax. To process and refocus. Soon, please.

Simple is the new mantra of Summer.

Finally we have some sunshine here in Perth! You can't imagine how happy that makes me!

I'm a real morning and daylight person. I pretty much go into hibernate mode as soon as the cold, night, chill creeps in. I'm sure you can appreciate how this might slow me down and affect my weight loss.. except this year I made a conscious effort to not skip my workouts. To make sure that I at least went to as many as I could unless I was sick and to eat a lot more soups than other comfort foods.

And it worked! Out of all my trainers clients she says I have made the most improvements this year, going from 2x 30min session and one boxing session late last year, to upping it to first 2 x hour long sessions, then adding the 2 boxing sessions and finally adding in the stairs session as well, as I realised I needed to keep pushing myself.

I now train a minimum of 3 times a week, often 5 times a week (group classes are cancelled from time to time due to numbers). And I feel great for it. I have noticed a huge improvement in my fitness and overall well being and stamina. Especially since starting doing the stairs. I have also lost cm's as proven by my clothes and need for new ones.

Something I realised is that if I didn't push myself over winter, it was only going to make it harder in summer. Because then I would have had the extra kgs over winter to lose as well, and less time to lose it.

While numbers on the scale is not what I am really care about, being able to look good and feel good in my clothes is. I want to be healthy. In all senses of the word.

As always, I am constantly tweaking and cutting back. I am not one of those people who can go all or nothing, instead I focus on one part of my diet and work hard to make that part right. Once I am used to say, not drinking soft drink or cutting back on coffee, then I tweak my diet somewhere else.

Eventually I would like to say that I create all my meals myself, including sauces and condiments, and that it is as organically produced as possible.

At the moment I have started concentrating on increasing my protein, but cutting back on my meat. I truly believe that we eat too much meat. Especially as both lunches and dinner can include meat of some sort, plus we eat larger portions than what we should. There is also a cost factor, which as someone soon to be a first home buyer, I need to keep in mind.

So at the moment I have been concentrating on not eating meat for lunch- by meat I mean I would usually eat chicken or ham in a sandwich. Instead I have been focusing on having vegetarian sandwich's with eggs and salad or roast vegetables or salmon with salad.

Since doing this I have felt unbelievably better. It took me a while to understand what the source was, but I eventually realised that by not eating meat so often I felt lighter and healthier. I was naturally eating more vegetables to help keep me full and this was also in turn making me want more healthy, vegetable laden meals.

Not to say that I am now eating vegetables with every meal and pretty much a vegetarian. I'm not. As I live at home, I often have limited choices with meals. But all in all my diet is much better than what it was.

My next step will be to improve my snacks (which aren't bad, but I need something a bit more filling so I'm not tempted by that piece of chocolate in the afternoon) and start improving dinners.

Other things, non-diet related, that I have been working on, is getting back in touch with my creative side. I am proud to say that I have started painting again and that this makes me amazingly happy and relaxed on the weekends.

I also have decided 'simple' is going to be mantra this summer. Simple living, simple clothes, simple room, simple meals, simple lifestyle. Nothing complicated or hard. Nothing cluttered and meaningless. Quality over quantity, essentially. No more wasting time or money on cheap jewellery or clothes when I can buy one good pair of jeans or dress which will last longer and do more for me.

It's time to start appreciating the small things in life; sunshine, friends, family. Not spending money on material possessions.

It's time to keep things Simple. :)

Mixing it up and increasing my sessions: bring on the new me!

So I have swapped my workout routine around. Hopefully it should help me to fit more workouts in overall.

What did I change?
Well normally I work out 4-5 times a week between 5.30-6.30pm, this included 2 x PT sessions, 2x GX boxing sessions and an occasional stairs session.

But often what happens is something will come up at work or I'll be invited out by friends after work which often results in a) cancelling my session or b) missing out on being with friends.

Also recently I have started volunteering with my local shire to help with an October event and they meet at Wednesday's at 6.30 pm.

So to stop myself from the temptation of cancelling my sessions and so that I can enjoy some free time after work to meet friends and get those annoying chores out of the way I have swapped my 2 PT sessions from Mon + Wed @ 5.30pm to Tues and Thurs @ 6am.

For the first time I will be working out in the morning.. this is going to be interesting!

I feel good about it though because I am less likely to cancel in the morning and it doesn't change my routine too much at all. I already get up at 6, so now I just get up a little bit earlier for my workout and get to work later.

I eventually want to get into a routine of working out every morning, even if it is as little as a walk/jog around the block in the mornings. I'll start slow and will eventually build up to working out 8 times a week.. well that's the plan anyways!

Since starting doing stairs I have noticed a real improvement in my overall fitness. Things like jogging, walking, bending, mountain climbers etc are all a lot easier. I think it's do with the type of movement- they all consist of bending my knees and lifting my legs.

For me as a pear, my bottom half is the part that needs the most improvement, not that my top half is amazing but it's a size to two sizes smaller.. anyways because I have always carried so much weight there I have always felt uncomfortable running, jogging and generally moving that area. This of course just meant it got worse not better.

So now finally I am tackling this issue and challenging myself and my body!

Once again diet is being re tweaked. I really fell off the bandwagon last week after jumping on the scales and being hugely disappointed. This is why I don't weigh myself!!! Now that I am over my binge I'm back to being motivated to getting myself down to where I need to be.

While I love that I have changed shape and that people can see the difference, the scales are still not reflecting my commitment. And amongst other things I want the scales to say 70-75 kilos. I don't mind being higher than that if I feel like my body is in a good place, but I still think I should aim for a healthy BMI.

I had a taste of mixed martial arts last night and really enjoyed it. It was very different but really practical, in the sense that you could actually use the moves should you need to defend yourself. Something I find quite reassuring being a young female.

So let's see how the new work out routine goes and hopefully if all goes well I'll be adding in more flexible workouts- walks and jogs etc to the routine and maybe by the end of this year I might actually see some results on the scales as well.. one can only hope!

Working-out.

I don't often post about what sort of work outs I do each week, mostly because I assume people are aware of the different work outs you can do and because this blog is pretty much just for me to blurt out all my feelings about weight loss.

So lately I have been working out quite a bit. Well at least for me I have. I have been doing 2 x hour PT sessions a week, 2 X GX Boxing sessions and when I miss one as I have had to work late, I have been doing a stairs session.

PT

This is amazing. I changed from going to the gym to getting a PT over a year ago now. I started doing just 2 x 30 minutes a week and I could immediately tell the difference between PT and going to the gym. Unless you're dedicated, motivated and educated in the different exercises you can and should do, I feel like the gym can be a bit of waste of time.

For example I would go to the gym 3x a week, work out for at least 45 minutes and just do cardio, bike riding mostly. Just because I thought that would be what burnt calories and what I was comfortable doing. I definitely wasn't comfortable doing weights or classes and I always tried to go to the gym at off peak times to avoid being seen by others. Yes I was afraid of being judged.

PT pushes me, it challenges me to do things with my body that I would never have thought of doing. It has shown me time and time again that I am capable of more than I thought I was. It makes me feel strong and healthy and I keep going back despite the pain haha. This means to me that this is right for me.

Starting this year I stared doing 2x 1 hour session after some pushing from my trainer. My trainer thought I wouldn't come back after my hour session! But I realised that I could do it and that I needed to constantly push myself to keep going and not plateau. This is where GX came in.

 

GX Boxing

GX is a form of high intensity boxing. Or rather exercising using boxing moves. So no fighting in the ring! We do several punch/kick combinations, each one 3 times and rotating with your partner. (You hit, they hit etc) The first time is to get used to the moves, the second is for strength (hit as hard as you can) and third for speed.

After your punches/kicks we always end with 2 minute knock out rounds. This is where my trainer (who runs these classes) chooses 3 exercises and we have to do each one for 2 minutes. This could be squats, lunges, burpees, push ups, planks, sit ups etc etc it changes constantly.

It is amazing and sweaty and makes you feel strong and powerful and even 6 months in I still feel it the next day.

Stairs

Stairs is something I have only recently started doing. Again from being pushed by my trainer. She runs a class on Thursday nights at the local stairs (30 steps approx). Usually we do something like 5 (up and down) stairs then push ups. 5 stairs, tricep dips, 5 stairs something else. Usually about 25-30 stairs before ending with an ab workout.

It is exhausting and I hate it. But it is a great work out and means that I can keep doing 4 sessions a week even if I miss one of my other classes.

The main thing I love about these work outs is that they challenge me. I never feel like something is getting too easy, because the work outs are always changing and getting harder.

I also love the mix of weights and cardio. I love weights and I hate cardio, but I know I need to do cardio as well. I feel like I am building muscle and losing fat and slowly cardio is getting easier for me. Easier not Easy!

Last night I tried on some pants that I kept from when I was at my smallest. I can now get them up over my thighs but I cannot do them up. Needless to say I had mixed feelings. Joy that I could get them up so far and am so close to being back to where I used to be and disappointment that I was so small and let myself go and am still not at that point anymore.

Ah well. I am probably healthier and stronger mentally and physically than I was anyway. Always look on the bright side!

Seeking balance and making new goals.

Lately I have been quite busy, with work and my social life, training and starting to date again.

It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.

Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.

A few things that have been happening lately:

I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.

I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.

I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.

I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.

I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!

I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!

Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!

This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D

As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.

Embarrasing boxing sessions!

So last night was my GX boxing class at 5.30pm. I put on a pear of exercise pants that I haven't worn in a little while and head out the door.

We start getting into our boxing session, doing a lot of kicks and knee exercises and I can feel my pants starting to fall down. The first time we take a break I take off my gloves and haul my pants back up.

But then we start going a bit harder and faster and before I know it my trainer has to step in and pull my pants up because they're half way down my arse.

Thank god a) it's an all female class and b) I was wearing good undies!! It could have been soooo much worse.

All I can say is that at least my work outs and eating have payed off!

I still need to work on my eating habits, as I've slipped up a few times, but I have cut back a lot of my processed foods lately and upped my fruit and veg intake instead. Still struggling with portion sizes with some days acing it and others not so much. But the days where I am doing better is getting more and more. It's hard in winter when all you want is comfort food and to snuggle in bed.

At the moment I'm concentrating on reducing my sweets/chocolate intake as for a while there I was  having a chocolate (fun size) almost every day. That's not something I want to maintain!

I want to keep it to maybe once or twice a week, mostly on weekends when I might enjoy sharing a dessert over dinner or a muffin with a friend over coffee.

At the moment I'm about 3 times a week. So a lot better to what I was but still not where I want to be!

Here is a recent photo of me with my friends from a weekend away :)

Facing your insecurities

Everyone has insecurities.

Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.

I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.

Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.

Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.

I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?'  rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.

There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:

That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.

The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.

Feeling the buzz!

I had a great weekend. I really did! Friday night I went to dinner with two of my besties at a new Japanese restaurant then headed to watch Fast and the Furious 6 at the movies. Unfortunately it was sold out so we watched Hangover 3 instead. Not as good but not bad.

Saturday I did part of my assignment for Interior Design, cleaned up the house and then headed out early for a friends birthday. We spent 6 hours at the pub catching up with old friends and having a great time before heading into the city to a club that's not really my scene. Me and a friend left shortly after as we weren't comfortable there and she was starting to feel a bit sick- probably because of all the strobe lights!

Sunday I did more of my assignment. It had been wet and windy all weekend and finally at about 4 me and my sister decided to brave the weather and take the dogs for a walk. I'm really glad we did, the dogs loved it and it was great to get outside and work off some energy. Unfortunately we got caught in the rain heading home, but nothing a nice hot shower couldn't fix!

I love it when my life is like this. Busy but with enough time to do things like cleaning and cooking. Spending time with friends and getting outside for a bit. It keeps me moving and active.

It made me realise how far my life has changed.

I used to spend weekends like this in bed reading or watching movies eating junk food.

I would never msg someone to organise something. I would wait for them to msg me.

I would never head out in the rain for a walk.

I never used to have this buzz of energy that needed to be worked off. That I felt like I should be doing something, rather than just sitting around.

I would have eaten far more than what I did. Actually I almost forgot to eat for most of the weekend. Except breakfast- I can't miss breakfast!

And the biggest change of all? I looked in the mirror and I could see the way my body had changed. No longer massive rolls showing through my dresses or jeans. No longer big hips and thighs making me a massive pear.

In the last few weeks I have lost even more weight and my work clothes are starting to be a problem - I will need to down size soon. :)

Soon I will need to post pictures! Happy Monday all!

Building blocks

Last week was a big week for me. Thursday night I sat down with mum and a man from Homebuyers Centre here in WA and by Friday afternoon I was building a house and had secured a block of land!

It's only a small block with 3x2 on it with a small courtyard out the back and double garage but for a young single person it's all I need right now.

I told my friends on Saturday night and they were equal parts excited and 'you crazy'. To them owning a home is too much of a commitment or simply costs too much. They look at me in surprise when I say that I managed to get my deposit together myself, it was just that the bank wanted me to pay my HECS (university fees) off first which I needed mum's help with.

I understand that they have higher living costs than I do. I live at home and contribute to bills and cooking and the food and all that but I don't pay rent.

On the other hand most of my friends are earning more than me or have been working for longer than me. I have only been full time for a year and a half. I'm 24 in September.

What it comes down to is motivation, focus and perseverance. I was lucky, I got used to living on a budget when I was at uni and haven't got out of the habit yet. Which means at the end of the first few months of working full time I realised I needed to set myself a goal or I wouldn't know what to do with my money. (Sounds silly doesn't it?) So I decided to get into the property market. Here in WA houses are EXPENSIVE and really hard to get into. There are just so many people wanting to buy at the moment (there were 12 other people who wanted my block of land!!). So I wanted to get in while I could and hopefully in a few years I'll be able to sell and move into something bigger... that's the plan anyways!

Now I want to use that same determination to losing the weight and making changes permanently. At the moment I have been trialing a few things but haven't found anything that I have really stuck to and got results. There are other things I want to do as well, for a more well rounded life balance.

So here are a few goals I have set for the next 6 months or so:

Save really hard. Yup I'll need all the spare cash I can get for things that pop up and for those initial moving in costs.

Stop drinking. I'm not usually a drinker, but lately I have had so many bdays and the like that I have found that I'm drinking almost every weekend. And I don't like it. So besides for my friends bday in June, I don't want to drink for the next 6 months. At least.

Cut back on the take away coffee. I usually will have a nice cup of coffee 2-4 times a week. That can mean $20 on a coffee a week! Sure I don't do this all the time but I need to get out of the habit of being tired and going and spending $5 on a nice cuppa in the morning. I want to get it down to 1-2 times a week initially and then down to twice a fortnight, or once a week.

Bring/ make my lunch at least 5 times a week.  I have been training more lately which means in the evening I come home exhausted. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. I need to get in the habit of getting myself organised in the evenings as in the morning I just get up and go, go, go.

Get back into my craft zone. I used to do a lot of art and craft things when I was at uni and younger. Lately I feel that I need to get back in touch with these roots. Maybe I can even do a few artsy pieces for my new place?

I want to increase my incidental exercise. But it's also going into winter here and I hate the dark and being wet. So not sure yet how I am going to combat that.. will look into it further and report back!

Jumping straight back into it..

So I have been off for about a week visiting the family in rural NSW. I tell ya, we always put on extra kgs when we visit because all you do is eat, eat and eat.

Which is fine, I ate more but I also said no quite a lot too.

I also jumped straight back into training again on Friday night with boxing. I was a little worried because it had been over a week since I had had a solid training session, but I did fine. Really good actually. I have started to make it more and more around the park without stopping (Booyah!) and in the two minute rounds I can now do most exercises for two minutes without stopping.

So I felt good, I got straight back into it and now feel more settled knowing my routine is back to normal.

For me having a routine is very important, otherwise there is just too much to decide and change. Changes for me can often lead to bad choices.

I understand that not everyone sees a routine the way I do, but I was a bit surprised by the number of people who asked me when I got back from training if I was going to have a bit of  a break before I started up again. (As in start on Monday, rather than Friday, or even later.)

For me it doesn't make sense to delay the inevitable, I have to go back at some point so I might as well jump straight back into it rather than putting it off.

Besides the sooner I get into it the sooner I can work off any excess that might have crept on while I was away.

The sooner I get back into it, the sooner I get out of 'holiday' mode. (And the better my body will be! )

I keep saying this lately, but I am really noticing big changes in my body and appearance.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I have also made the decision to stop buying so many clothes and actually wear the ones out in my wardrobe first... which means I am wearing clothes that have been in my cupboard for years but only pull out occasionally. ( So occasionally that it might be the first time I have worn it in 1-2 years.!!)

So the difference of how it fits is amazing. For example, I have an over sized blouse that I wear with a belt at the waist which I normally pair with a black skirt and leggings. This over sized blouse now is almost too over sized.

Other things that I have noticed is that pants and skirts are starting to get too big around the waist. Dresses are fitting  me better, particularly around the bust and waist, but also around my hips and stomach.

I am actually wearing JEANS more often! Which if you have read any of my previous posts you would know what a big deal that is..

I have lost weight in my face, you can see my cheek bones more and weirdly my fingers as well... my ring now feels a bit loose!

All in all I feel amazing. The more I notice the better I want to look after myself, I want to take care of this body that I am slowly falling back in love with. I want to make sure I look my best and feel my best always.

This means that I have started making more time for doing my nails, my hair, my makeup. Making more time to pack healthy lunches and snacks. Making more time to look after my skin. Making more time to do more exercise outside of training, liking taking the dogs for walks. (OK, this might have more to do with the fact that there is a very good looking jogger on the paths at this time.. but it counts right? )

But this means I feel more confident and happy with myself. I feel strong and beautiful and I think others are starting to notice that more and more. I see it in how my friends act around me. I see it in the male attention that I have started to receive.

It is both amazing and saddening. Sad because now I realise how far gone I was before, and amazing because I feel like I've finally started to live life again!

Not being the newbie anymore!

So I have been at an event for work since Thursday last week and finally got back in the office on Tuesday. While at the event I couldn't attend training of Friday and Monday, simply because I was not going to make it back in time.

Don't worry, I made sure to eat well and I was physically active, walking and carrying things around so that I still felt like I did something.

Honestly I probably did more weight training over the 4 days than I do in training! Some of those boxes were heavy!!

Anyways so Tuesday saw me return back to my normal routine. (For a day or two anyways before I fly out to Sydney and rural NSW for my cousin's wedding.)

I rocked up at boxing and guess what? There were newbies! That means I am no longer the newbie of the group :) I felt like I was hard core because I knew the moves and knew what I was getting into AND because I made it around the park jogging, not once stopping and well ahead of a chick that was WAY skinnier than me. Sad that I take pride in that haha.

Then I did awesome in the two minute knock out rounds and barely stopped the whole way through!

Felt like I did my trainer proud last night :)

I have training again tonight then I fly out to Sydney and rural NSW tomorrow with my family for my cousin's wedding. We'll be over there for a week and I'm looking forward to it because we'll get to see the whole family, which we don't often do as we live on the other side of the country.

For those that don't live in Australia, living on the other side of the country IS A BIG DEAL. It takes a 3-5 hour flight to get from Sydney-Perth or vice versa. To drive across it can take 3-7 days. That's right DAYS! We did it once as a family and managed to do it in 3 1/2 days. That was doing 120kms/hour and stopping for sleep, food and pee breaks only.

So yeah, we don't see the family often and quite looking forward to it! Will push myself hard tonight in preparation for not doing training for the next week, although I'll try and keep active over there.

On other news, I have slowly been throwing out all my size 18 bottoms and getting size 16's. My wardrobe is now almost entirely full of size 16s and size 14s.

My goal is to get down to a size 12 top and size 14 bottom. ONLY ONE MORE SIZE TO GO!! :) At the moment I am the most even I have ever been between my top and bottom half (I'm a pear, so that's a big deal!) so buying clothes is lots of fun right now! I have to remember not to go overboard and that soon I will be dropping more clothes sizes :)