Needless to say I was devo. I had been doing so well that I had lost my motivation and just wanting to enjoy myself meant giving in to all temptations around me. That day I ate well and gave myself a serious talk and some serious self loathing came into it.
It is always like this. I slip, I lose motivation, I get too comfortable and bam! I gain weight and hate myself again.
The thing is, it's not my body that I hate. I actually get along quite well with my body. We have gotten used to each other. (In fact I am even a bit scared of what losing weight will do to my body because it will mean more change and unfamiliar territory because I have never been skinny.)
The part I don't like is peoples judgement and looks I get when I go out with my super hot and skinny friends, or try to find clothes that actually cover up my thighs rather than sitting underneath my bum just waiting to flash everyone.
I don't like it when I think everyone must think I eat junk food, sit on the couch and watch telly all day. When thats not true at all.
But worse than that, is that I know I can be much more than I am. I can do better, I can be better. But I just have to find the will power and strength to do it.
So for the next two weeks I am going to go hard- harder than I have been doing. To make up for the weekend and hopefully reach my next goal of 2 kgs. If I can do that I can enjoy my friends birthday and have one or two drinks. (and actually feel good dressing up)
To help me stick to it I have brought in my little piggy bank in, and every time I slip ( that piece of chocolate for example) I have to put a gold coin in. Depending on how much I have in there the money will go towards getting some equipment at home, for example a skipping rope.
I am also getting up and half an hour early to do some lunges and squats and make my food for the day.
Hopefully at the end of the two weeks I will feel better about myself, feel motivated and on track and maybe even have reached my goal of being under 100 kgs.
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