Hynotherapy and Positive Thinking

My thing at the moment is trying Hypnotherapy (Hypnosis) and one of the things that came up was the language we use- like Trying. Which implies that we have to try and that it is a struggle and there is a chance of failure. Since I got pulled up on it I've noticed that I use that language a lot with diet and exercise - 'I will try to eat well this week', 'I will try and get some exercise in today', and my favourite in response to any questions about how great I'm doing 'Yeah for now' and 'We'll see'.

To which I was pulled up on and corrected into - You will eat better today. You will exercise today. You will reach your goal weight. You will live healthier etc etc

It really highlighted to me just how much I self sabotage and don't believe in myself. And by simply not believing whole heartedly in myself I am essentially allowing myself to fail.

Every year I say, this is my year, I will do better, I will reach my goal. But then I get busy, I get tired, I get stressed and my health becomes the last thing on my list to worry about. But that is going to stop. This year is my year and the reason is because I have achieved everything I need to on my list at the moment, except my weight. I am determined to get this last thing on my list right.

I am also feeling extremely positive at the moment. Which I think is because my work schedule has finally balance, cash flow is finally happening again (building a house takes it's toll!) and because I've decided I need to focus on me and do the things I actually want to do, not what I feel obligated to do.

Anyways, saying all that, I am aware that I self sabotage myself. I know how to eat healthy, I know how to exercise, I know what to do lose weight. Yet I don't do it. Or I do it for a while then fall off the band wagon. Which is why I thought I would try Hypnotherapy and give my mind a reboot and hopefully stop myself from self sabotaging. I figure, if I've spent all that money on boot camp and it didn't work, then why not on Hypnotherapy? Especially when so many of the issues are in my head.

And if it does work, then it is definitely money well spent.

I've had one session so far and am listening to a CD once a day until my next session next week. After that we'll see how many sessions I need. In the lead up to Hypnotherapy I had already committed to eating healthier, so I was already on the right track- no chocolate, bread etc, portion sizing and eating fruit and vegetables and had done really well. This week I am committed to continuing the process and I think the hypnotherapy will help reinforce that positive attitude and self control I need.

The test will be in a months time if everything is still going along on track. Because it's not hard for me to maintain control and be healthy for weeks on end, but months? That's a whole different band wagon. But this time I will do it!

I will reach my goal weight. I will be healthier. I will live a healthy life style. I will exercise every day. I will not self sabotage myself. I will be a better me. I will be a more positive me. I will be a happier me. I will live my life.

Jumping on the band wagon

So for a while now smoothies and juices have been making a splash as the new health thing to do. Almost everyone I know is doing it and I've been holding back as I wasn't sure it was something I could get into. But finally I bit the bullet and bought myself a cheap blender that makes it easy and simply with no fuss and great travel cups.

Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, it's been going really well. I just have one first thing in the morning, keep it simple with bananas, frozen berries or mango and spinach. Most of the time I mix in ice and water, sometimes I had rice milk and LSA if I know I'm on the run a bit more and need something to get me through the day.

It's taken over a week but I've noticed a huge improvement in my eating habits- less snacks, and smaller portion sizes. I think that having something so fresh and healthy to start the day helps motivate me for the rest of the day. Plus it is filling, so between that and my coffee, it gets me through to lunch time, by which I will have some healthy leftovers which usually can get me through to dinner. If not, some yoghurt or carrots are my go to snacks so far.

I have been having dessert but since finishing off my tub of ice cream I've decided to not buy anymore, same with chips etc and see how I go. Hopefully by stocking up on healthy alternatives I can cut back on my bad habits.

The good thing about the smoothies is that I know that I have already had my fruit and 1 serve of vegetables before I've even started my day. So a great way to make sure I get some vegies and fruit in before things get busy. Then I just try and eat veggies with lunch and dinner and to try and get my 2+5.

It seems to be making a difference as well. The reason I started in the first place was because I was worried I was falling off the band wagon after finishing up PT and moving out of home. But by trying to make healthy convenient and tasty things have settled down and my clothes are already fitting better again. Good to feel back in control!

Settling In: living life my way

So it's been a week since I moved out of home and have been settling into my own home and way of life. All I can say is, I think this is going to work for me.

I don't know what it is, but I honestly feel like I have more time during the week, and less time over the weekend. Possibly because that's when visitors come a-calling.

Eating has been ace. I have had a bit of a wake up call on how much I actually eat. It's actually a lot less than I thought! So I have had so much leftovers this week. The upside is that I have not had to buy lunch and thus am saving money. Sunday I used up some leftover chicken and made a massive curry. Normally this would feed the family (of 4) but for me it was dinner, lunch and leftovers which I spooned into some ramekins and made pies. I wrapped these in alfoil and chucked them in the freezer for lunches during the week.

I also made some banana bread and brownies and froze half of each for another day. The rest were devoured by all my guests on the weekend. Which I am grateful for. Less for me to graze on!

One thing I am prone to, is to snack on unhealthy foods when bored. So once I finish off the unhealthy stuff in the cupboard I am determined not to buy more and just focus on fruit and other healthy snacks.

My diet during the week at work has very much been: Porridge with full cream milk and small sprinkling of cinnamon and brown sugar. Fruit for morning tea- usually a couple of apples or a punnet of strawberries. Left overs for lunch and another snack in the afternoon. I am trying to work it that I just drink tea or coffee instead of snacks in the afternoon and really pack my dinners and lunches with as much veggies as possible. Trying!

My diet is all about trying to find something that works for me and my budget. Fills me up. Is easy. And also is as nutritionally dense as possible. So a lot of home cooking and vegies and fruit. So far it's going well and I am excited to try some new things and work in veggies in a more imaginative way. I really do love being creative and cooking is definitely a passion of mine. The upside of living out of home is that there is less work to be done, and I don't need to cater for everyone's tastes, so I can make stuff that I want and eat. Winning!

Lot's to do this week, heaps of stuff that I need to get sorted with the house and still trying to get into a routine with exercise etc. I thought mornings might have been the way to go, but I think I like the idea of going for a nice walk at the end of the day to clear my head before coming back and getting into the kitchen for dinner. We'll see.

All I can say, is that while I haven't been exercising as much as I used to, I don't feel heavy/bloated like I used to and actually have a bit of energy. I have noticed a slight gain around the hips, but I'm hoping that as I really concentrate on my diet and upping my exercise I can get rid of that and get back to losing weight. Wish me luck!

Overhaul: All by myself

So I officially moved out on Friday. And simultaneously was excited to finally take my health into my own hands, while also wondering how I was going to afford everything.

Because I now have a house and mortgage to pay. All by myself. On my small wage with a charity organisation. And of course not living out of home before, I did not have all those things that people have when they live out of home. Plus there is all the other things, the added extras that you need to pay, such as painting, rates, fans, gardening and retic and air conditioning etc

All by myself.

Anyways, as you can imagine my brain is in overload right now. Especially with all the things I need to organise. Summer is only a couple of months here and I would ideally like some air conditioning before then... but that could take a while to save up, should I not just get TV and some fans instead??

Plus food, and exercise. So far I have a been a bit busy and too tired to exercise but I hope to start going for walks/jogs around the neighbourhood soon. Just need to settle in and unpack a few things first.

Food has been good. I've been wanting to experiment with being more vegetarian for a while, so decided now was the perfect chance to. So that's what I've been doing so far. Plus I made a batch of soup and put it in the freezer in preparation of those days when I won't want to cook. So proud of myself!

Knowing that finances is going to be difficult for a while means that I'm trying to plan ahead and think of ways I can shop better and make food last longer. Left overs for lunches and meals in the freezer so I don't resort to buying expensive take-away for instance. Plus selling off a few things that I don't need for some spare cash.

It's going to be a long haul, and very hard for me to hold back and not want to get everything sorted RIGHT NOW. Rather than wait until next week when I know how much money I have. But hey, I think I can do it. I am quite ambitious after all and have no problem with not having a social life for while.

I'm hoping with the combination of smaller meals, more vegetables and healthier foods, plus the introduction of walking/jogging most days I can get back onto the band wagon and stop the creeping kilos. It's been a few months since I stopped PT and I miss it, and feel like I've put on 1-2kgs. Possibly it's just a lack of muscle, but I don't want to take the chance of it being a long term thing.

Once I've settled in and got some expensive items out of the way, I'll look into the possibility of dance classes or something to up the ante.

But here's cheers to learning how to live thrifty, and healthy, all by myself.

This weekend was glorious

I had an amazing weekend. I managed to get done pretty much everything I meant to, did some great relaxing activities, caught up with friends, spent time in the sunshine and even baked!

I painted, I read, I watched movies, I did the cleaning, ironing and even managed to fit in a few walks with the dog.

It left me feeling relaxed, satisfied and proud. I didn't feel stressed, or that I didn't make the most of my weekend. I embraced it and enjoyed it and had plenty of downtime to boot.

It's coming back to priorities and what really makes me happy. Do I really want to spend all weekend eating junk food and watching movies? Does that make me happy? Leave me feeling satisfied? Or does it make me feel bad about myself, make me feel like I've wasted my weekend and created a binging cycle where I hate myself even more for the way I look.

I've started identifying the things that really make me happy and making sure I include these in my weekend. Sure I may have to work, or do some chores around the house, or do some of those mundane things. But the key is to make sure I block out some 'me' time. And not just wait for it to happen, but be proactive about it and make sure it happens and include things I really want to do.

And what do I really want to do? Spend time outdoors in the sun. Play with my dog. Talk with friends. Enjoy a good coffee. Be pampered. Explore around me.

I don't want to be sick, tired, sore and watch life pass me by. That is not what I want to be like.

Sure some people might say that I'm watching life pass me by because I don't go out on a Saturday night. But if going out, getting dressed up, being splilt drinks on, coming home, tired, seedy and gross is what entails going out and living life, then I am happy to pass that opportunity up. Life is what we make of it, not what our friends or peers do. Do what you enjoy, not what everyone else enjoys. Otherwise you'll only have regrets.

Confidence; Do you have it and how do you show it?

I read a blog today where the author writes 10 things that she would like the confidence to do, a bucket list for confident activities.

It made me think about what makes us seem confident, and what we consider an activity that confident people do.

One of the items on the list was walking with eyes and head up right. Not downcast.

Now I am a confident person. I am confident in my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, I am confident that I know who I am and what I am capable of, and that it is not related to my body. Mostly. So for me, walking eyes up front is not something I would consider as being on my bucket list. I do it most days.

I think it also comes back to the philosophy of facing things head on- shoulders up, back straight and face your fears. I am the sort of person who realises my flaws and tries to work on them. To show that I am more than my fears and eventually overcomes them. For example; as an introvert, I hate crowds of random people and struggle to start a conversation. So one night I went out on the town by myself, went to a bar, sat down and tried to make a conversation with some randoms. It was a great night and it made me feel so much more confident in myself and my abilities.

Another lady mentioned that they wish they could wear a bikini in public. I actually did this in summer. Originally I had a t-shirt on over the top but it was annoying and baggy and was going to take my forever to get dry. So I was like you know what, I don't give a damn, and took it off. And swam and had a ball and even got a few glances from some males. No one glared or looked away disgusted. No one got up and left or looked me up and down as if to say 'you're wearing that?'. It was just another reminder to me, which is happening more and more, that for everyone person who bullies and bashes being chubby there are so many more who don't care. Who have family, friends, partners, colleagues who look like I do and all they really want is for you to be happy and get on with life.

It's heartening, encouraging and inspiring.

So what do I want the confidence to be able to do? I want the confidence to wear sexy clothing and not worry about my cellulite or stretchmarks or saggy belly (damn you weight loss!). I want the confidence to look someone in the eye and say 'Fuck you, I am beautiful too'. I want the confidence to be myself without having to worry about what people think, without worrying that I need to justify myself. I want the confidence to jog down the street and puff and pant and simply relish being able to run, not worry about the people will be looking at everything 'jiggling'.

Simple things, but important ones to me. So what does confidence mean to you?

Brain dump.

It's a great feeling to know that despite stopping my PT training, I have not gone off track. Well I did, for a couple of weeks (I was also sick) and am now back into it. I think for me it is all about routine. And deceiving myself into thinking I have 'options'. I eat porridge for breakfast every day, it took me a while to get into the habit, but now that it's ingrained I no longer have to think about what I'm going to have in the morning and thus open myself up to all the bad choices I could make. However I do allow myself to occasionally have a bacon and egg sandwich from my fav café every once in a while. This way I feel like I can still have my bad foods- but the difference is that it is quality bad food. Not a Macca's breakfast but a gourmet sandwich. So I feel like I am indulging and it makes it worth it. But it also a little out of the way, so it has to be worth it going there and not just driving on auto pilot to work every day.

Anyways, I do similar 'tricks' for the rest of my meals. So that I feel like I can have variety if I really want it and it won't derail me.

Now that I have stopped my PT though, I woke up one morning in a panic worrying that I couldn't fit into my pants anymore because I had gained weight. I was scared that I was slipping. And that's when I knew I could not let that happen. So right now I am concentrating on sleeping properly- a big one for me as I make bad choices when tired- and getting into an exercise routine. For me I need to make a choice and stick with it and eventually it just becomes ingrained. The key is to realise that you do have enough time to do something, you just have to realise your priorities. TV and reading when I get home, are not a priority. Exercise is, then getting ready for the next day, then I can chill out. And feel good about it too. Not feel guilty and look out the window or look at my gut and think I should have done something.. but I didn't. I don't want those feelings anymore, so I'm working hard to make sure they don't happen.

So far so good. It's been almost 2 weeks and I haven't skipped a day of walking. I've even started extending the walks, going up hills, or jogging for parts of it, so that it is more of a work out and to increase the variety. Needless to say my dog is very happy, he is loving all the exploring we are doing.

Today is the test though. It is cold and wet outside. So far I feel like I am capable of going for a walk in the rain, I'll just make sure I am rugged up. But when I get home tired and cold, will I feel the same way? Probably. But you know what? I'm going to go anyway. Because sometimes a little bit of hardwork goes a long way, and in this case I need to keep moving forward not backwards!

I have not lost more weight, but I haven't gained anything substantially either. I feel that if I keep in this direction I will be ok. I will just keep adding things into my workouts to keep me going until I reach the right point for weight loss. And really, I'm happier right now. I feel like a weight has shifted in my mind about my body, about how to look after it and exercise in general. I feel like if I was just a bit more toned (who doesn't want to be toned??) then I would be happy with my size. Because I am happy and I am healthy, and isn't that the main thing??