So I have not been posting so much on here lately. Mostly because I have recently discovered instagram and the amazing community of body positivity on there.
I am a huge believer in body positivity. I believe that no matter what size or shape you are that you should be able to feel good about yourself. Not depressed, not deprived, not angry or disgusted. These negative emotions do not help someone to lose weight or make a difference in their lives, instead they lead to more eating and drinking, drugs or suicidal thoughts. Making someone feel bad about how they live their life does not achieve anything except perhaps to make you feel better about how you live yours.
That does not mean I support being unhealthy, overweight and lack of exercise. But I am more accepting that there are people out there that do eat well and look after themselves that do not fit into the standard shape or weight range. Perhaps they have just started their good health journey, or perhaps that is just what their body looks like, or perhaps that is what they are happy with looking like? Who am I to judge. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or personal trainer.
Anyways, back to my own personal troubles. I have been in a bit of a slump, however I am slowly but surely coming back out of it. It was a combination of a few things, being really unwell, stressed and exhausted had a lot to do with it. Basically I had pushed myself too far with work and it had taken it's toll. At the same time my PT made the decision to go back to full time work in order to get the bank loan she needed for her house. Which means two things a) I have more money now that I am not doing PT and b) that I need to find some sort of physical activity to do.
I've been taking it slow as I really just wanted to get my health back and to prove to myself that I wouldn't fall off the band wagon just because I wasn't doing PT and having someone look over my shoulder. I did binge a little, but I have regrouped and am pulling myself back again. Key to this as always is preparation. The more meals I plan in advance the less thinking I have to do and the less chance I have of making decisions that I later regret. So far so good.
Right now I am focusing on finding healthier alternatives to satisfy my sweet tooth and looking into new physical activities to try- dancing or martial arts perhaps. But it is nice to know that after 3 years I am finally in control of my life and that even when I fall off the band wagon it is not for long. I just pick myself up and dust myself off and start again :)
Showing posts with label mind set. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mind set. Show all posts
Thursday, 10 July 2014
Thursday, 20 February 2014
2014, My Year, My Way.
So I have been training for quite a while now, almost 2 years now. Yet I probably only shifted 15kgs and am still struggling with running the stairs on Thursday afternoons.
In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.
The difference? Diet.
I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.
I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.
I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).
Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.
Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.
It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).
The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.
I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!
I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.
If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.
Wish me luck!
In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.
The difference? Diet.
I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.
I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.
I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).
Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.
Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.
It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).
The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.
I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!
I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.
If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.
Wish me luck!
Monday, 20 January 2014
Retreat
It's hard for me to face the world. All I want to do is block it all out and focus on my thoughts. To try and figure myself out before I deal with people and their comments and looks and judgement.
It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.
Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.
They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.
It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.
No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.
Enough is enough.
Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.
So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.
So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.
It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.
Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.
They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.
It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.
No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.
Enough is enough.
Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.
So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.
So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Seeking balance and making new goals.
Lately I have been quite busy, with work and my social life, training and starting to date again.
It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.
Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.
A few things that have been happening lately:
I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.
I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.
I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.
I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.
I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!
I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!
Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!
This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D
As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.
It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.
Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.
A few things that have been happening lately:
I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.
I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.
I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.
I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.
I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!
I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!
Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!
This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D
As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.
Monday, 24 June 2013
Facing your insecurities
Everyone has insecurities.
Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.
I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.
Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.
Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.
I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?' rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.
There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:
That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.
The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.
Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.
I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.
Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.
Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.
I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?' rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.
There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:
That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.
The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.
Monday, 3 June 2013
Teeth, headaches, sunshine and Funruns!
Ok, so here is a bit of an update of what is happening over the last week or so:
I'm going halves with mum and building a house. Needless to say there is a lot of paperwork and stress and organising going on.
I have been getting headaches every day because I was grinding my teeth. So I had to get a splint (mouth guard) to wear at night. $500 dollars later and I no longer have headaches-hurray!!
Because of the headaches I wasn't getting much sleep and got sick and had to take a few days off life- work, exercise, friends. I just rested. Now I feel so much better!
It's coming into winter here and highlights just how much I love the sunshine. I get up early and I go to bed early, because of the daylight. Now of course there is so little daylight I get depressed and just want to sleep and read and snuggle in bed. This weekend was glorious and we had so much sunlight it was amazing. I felt like I spent most of it soaking it up, through walks or reading outdoors or playing with the dogs. Hopefully it lasts me a little while.
Yesterday instead of training we did a 6k Funrun with my trainer and a few of the other girls. I think I did alright. Running is something I absolutely hate and don't get. I jogged as much as I could and walked the rest. Today I'm so sore. But I feel good for giving something different a whirl and pushing myself to try stuff even if I don't like it.
I have been getting back into healthy eating again after slipping while I was tired and had headaches. It really is about being well rested and alert that keeps me on track. I'm finding that more and more I don't need to eat as much. I still get hungry regularly, but I don't eat as much at each sitting. I'm also craving fruit and salad rolls/sandwiches.
I got myself organised on the weekend- things like organising my paperwork and folders, clothes that need to be chucked out etc and now feel like my mind is a bit more organised too. Now I want to concentrate on getting myself to eat well all the time, not just Monday-Friday.
I also want to concentrate on giving myself so me time. I'm an introvert and really need to time to myself to process everything and centre myself and lately that's the first thing that gets thrown out the window.
So no more doing that! It might be doing a bit of arts and crafts or reading a book or a long shower and pamper session (doing my nails, a face mask etc) to just wind down.
Well that's the goal anyway! I'm still doing my exercise and doing well. Still losing weight and toning up, as shown by my loose exercise pants.
Happy Tuesday!
Oh wait! I forgot to tell you! I bought another pair of JEANS! Yes that's right, you heard me! Size 16! They look great on me and are actually comfy! :D
I'm going halves with mum and building a house. Needless to say there is a lot of paperwork and stress and organising going on.
I have been getting headaches every day because I was grinding my teeth. So I had to get a splint (mouth guard) to wear at night. $500 dollars later and I no longer have headaches-hurray!!
Because of the headaches I wasn't getting much sleep and got sick and had to take a few days off life- work, exercise, friends. I just rested. Now I feel so much better!
It's coming into winter here and highlights just how much I love the sunshine. I get up early and I go to bed early, because of the daylight. Now of course there is so little daylight I get depressed and just want to sleep and read and snuggle in bed. This weekend was glorious and we had so much sunlight it was amazing. I felt like I spent most of it soaking it up, through walks or reading outdoors or playing with the dogs. Hopefully it lasts me a little while.
Yesterday instead of training we did a 6k Funrun with my trainer and a few of the other girls. I think I did alright. Running is something I absolutely hate and don't get. I jogged as much as I could and walked the rest. Today I'm so sore. But I feel good for giving something different a whirl and pushing myself to try stuff even if I don't like it.
I have been getting back into healthy eating again after slipping while I was tired and had headaches. It really is about being well rested and alert that keeps me on track. I'm finding that more and more I don't need to eat as much. I still get hungry regularly, but I don't eat as much at each sitting. I'm also craving fruit and salad rolls/sandwiches.
I got myself organised on the weekend- things like organising my paperwork and folders, clothes that need to be chucked out etc and now feel like my mind is a bit more organised too. Now I want to concentrate on getting myself to eat well all the time, not just Monday-Friday.
I also want to concentrate on giving myself so me time. I'm an introvert and really need to time to myself to process everything and centre myself and lately that's the first thing that gets thrown out the window.
So no more doing that! It might be doing a bit of arts and crafts or reading a book or a long shower and pamper session (doing my nails, a face mask etc) to just wind down.
Well that's the goal anyway! I'm still doing my exercise and doing well. Still losing weight and toning up, as shown by my loose exercise pants.
Happy Tuesday!
Oh wait! I forgot to tell you! I bought another pair of JEANS! Yes that's right, you heard me! Size 16! They look great on me and are actually comfy! :D
Tuesday, 2 April 2013
Small milestones!
Just a quickie post.
Yesterday I had GX boxing with the girls. Before boxing we usually do a lap around the park to warm up.
I HATE IT.
I SUCK at running. I always have. Everything jiggles, my legs don't go fast enough or far enough and I breathe really heavy.
I have often been asked if I have asthma. I've never been tested so I don't know. I just think I'm overweight.
Anyways. Yesterday I jogged the entire park WITHOUT STOPPING! WOOOOOOOOO!
First time for everything :)
It's the small things like that that makes you feel proud, and the difference between where I was and where I am now.
Clothes are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and fitter and I am feeling better.
And it is that feeling that is the most important. Because my confidence in myself, my body, my personality, is returning and it is amazing. I am finally getting back to the real me. The me that has hidden behind walls and junk food and my layers of fat and shyness for the last 3 years.
Watch our world , I'm coming for you!
Yesterday I had GX boxing with the girls. Before boxing we usually do a lap around the park to warm up.
I HATE IT.
I SUCK at running. I always have. Everything jiggles, my legs don't go fast enough or far enough and I breathe really heavy.
I have often been asked if I have asthma. I've never been tested so I don't know. I just think I'm overweight.
Anyways. Yesterday I jogged the entire park WITHOUT STOPPING! WOOOOOOOOO!
First time for everything :)
It's the small things like that that makes you feel proud, and the difference between where I was and where I am now.
Clothes are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and fitter and I am feeling better.
And it is that feeling that is the most important. Because my confidence in myself, my body, my personality, is returning and it is amazing. I am finally getting back to the real me. The me that has hidden behind walls and junk food and my layers of fat and shyness for the last 3 years.
Watch our world , I'm coming for you!
Monday, 11 March 2013
The difference between fat and fit..
The difference between the fat and the fit.. is more than just the waistline! It is about motivation, commitment and the belief that you can do something.
My biggest problem when I train is that I am so used to not being able to do something, that I still have that mentality, even when it is no longer true.
The biggest difference between someone who is fit and someone who is fat, is that they know what they are capable of, and believe that they can do something. So they are able to push themselves harder and further than someone who is not fit. And in turn, stay fit.
Last night I pushed myself. I pushed myself hard, and it was worth it.
I was given 3 rounds of 5 exercise to complete as fast I can. My trainer had done it earlier in 19 min, one of her clients had done it in 42 min. I was told I had to beat the clients time.
The exercises were:
10 x push up then bring your knee up as close to your arm/shoulder as possible, try and touch the ground near your knee with your elbow then stretch up and behind you. Repeat on the other leg.
20 x kneeling with 8kg weight, hold it to one side, bring the weight round and above your head in a tight controlled circle before resting on the side opposite the one you started on. Repeat by alternating which direction you take the weight.
20x backwards lunges with the 8kg weight held at your centre. When in your lunge, make a controlled turn from the waist with the weight. If you right leg is down, the turn to your left and vice versa.
20 x in the plank position, bring your knee straight up above the ground, then twist out to the side. Replace on the ground and repeat on the other side.
30x on a wobble board (but with the flat side down, so you are standing on the soft side) stand with one leg on the board and one off. Now jump to the other side, landing so that your inner leg is now on the board. Touch the ground near your outer leg with your inner arm.
I did it in 24min!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't believe how happy I was. Not only had I thrashed the time I had to beat but I came close to my trainers as well!!
I finished the session off with 1000m on the rower plus a couple ab exercises before cooling down on the treadmill.
I almost died at the end, but I feel fantastic now. So worth it!
My biggest problem when I train is that I am so used to not being able to do something, that I still have that mentality, even when it is no longer true.
The biggest difference between someone who is fit and someone who is fat, is that they know what they are capable of, and believe that they can do something. So they are able to push themselves harder and further than someone who is not fit. And in turn, stay fit.
Last night I pushed myself. I pushed myself hard, and it was worth it.
I was given 3 rounds of 5 exercise to complete as fast I can. My trainer had done it earlier in 19 min, one of her clients had done it in 42 min. I was told I had to beat the clients time.
The exercises were:
10 x push up then bring your knee up as close to your arm/shoulder as possible, try and touch the ground near your knee with your elbow then stretch up and behind you. Repeat on the other leg.
20 x kneeling with 8kg weight, hold it to one side, bring the weight round and above your head in a tight controlled circle before resting on the side opposite the one you started on. Repeat by alternating which direction you take the weight.
20x backwards lunges with the 8kg weight held at your centre. When in your lunge, make a controlled turn from the waist with the weight. If you right leg is down, the turn to your left and vice versa.
20 x in the plank position, bring your knee straight up above the ground, then twist out to the side. Replace on the ground and repeat on the other side.
30x on a wobble board (but with the flat side down, so you are standing on the soft side) stand with one leg on the board and one off. Now jump to the other side, landing so that your inner leg is now on the board. Touch the ground near your outer leg with your inner arm.
I did it in 24min!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't believe how happy I was. Not only had I thrashed the time I had to beat but I came close to my trainers as well!!
I finished the session off with 1000m on the rower plus a couple ab exercises before cooling down on the treadmill.
I almost died at the end, but I feel fantastic now. So worth it!
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Bushfire Drama and learning to take pride in myself
So yesterday was a bit of a drama. One of the hazards of living in Australia is that bush fires do tend to occur, particularly if you live near bushland and in hot, dry summers and on a windy days.. well, lets just say that not many people are surprised if a fire or two pops up.
In the last year or so we have been evacuated 2-3 times. Nothing has ever reached our house, thankfully, and no lives have been lost but several homes, sheds and gardens etc have been destroyed.
Yesterday we got the call/text msg that we had to get out of our homes while I was at work. Often I think it would be easier to be at home when these things occur, at least then you are able to hear and see for yourself, rather than relying on second and third-hand information and patiently waiting for the latest update on the news and radio.
So after a stressful afternoon of fearing the worst I managed to get home fine, hearing on the radio that they had it all under control. It was 4.45pm. My trainer msgd me saying training was still on at 5.30pm.
I can tell you right now, that all I wanted to do was to go to bed. To curl up and be grateful nothing had happened and finally not let me mind run around in circles, imaging what I would do if the worst had happened.
I have also been tired, so so tired. And feel like I am getting a cold. Which does not make me feel any happier.
All these things were running around in my head, even as I went and put my exercise clothes on, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.
She put me through a killer work out, and I came home even more exhausted and tired, and sore. But more importantly PROUD!.
More and more I am winning. I am going to training, and I am killing it.
No I am not as good as some of the other girls that I occasionally train with, but compare to where I was even two months ago, I have come a long way. I am training harder, longer and better. I am more determined.
And all I can put it down to is the fact that when I came back from holidays I decided 2013 was going to be my year and everything just shifted. After all I believed it was my year.
And people are noticing. Mum has noticed, and started to be proud and admire my dedication, rather than constantly watching me put another mouthful away. My work mates are noticing my weight loss, my trainer is thrilled and pushes me harder every day.
And my clothes are getting bigger and looser (?) and I am so happy.
It is tiring and painful. But it is worth it. Finally I can be proud of myself and my body again. :D
In the last year or so we have been evacuated 2-3 times. Nothing has ever reached our house, thankfully, and no lives have been lost but several homes, sheds and gardens etc have been destroyed.
Yesterday we got the call/text msg that we had to get out of our homes while I was at work. Often I think it would be easier to be at home when these things occur, at least then you are able to hear and see for yourself, rather than relying on second and third-hand information and patiently waiting for the latest update on the news and radio.
So after a stressful afternoon of fearing the worst I managed to get home fine, hearing on the radio that they had it all under control. It was 4.45pm. My trainer msgd me saying training was still on at 5.30pm.
I can tell you right now, that all I wanted to do was to go to bed. To curl up and be grateful nothing had happened and finally not let me mind run around in circles, imaging what I would do if the worst had happened.
I have also been tired, so so tired. And feel like I am getting a cold. Which does not make me feel any happier.
All these things were running around in my head, even as I went and put my exercise clothes on, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.
She put me through a killer work out, and I came home even more exhausted and tired, and sore. But more importantly PROUD!.
More and more I am winning. I am going to training, and I am killing it.
No I am not as good as some of the other girls that I occasionally train with, but compare to where I was even two months ago, I have come a long way. I am training harder, longer and better. I am more determined.
And all I can put it down to is the fact that when I came back from holidays I decided 2013 was going to be my year and everything just shifted. After all I believed it was my year.
And people are noticing. Mum has noticed, and started to be proud and admire my dedication, rather than constantly watching me put another mouthful away. My work mates are noticing my weight loss, my trainer is thrilled and pushes me harder every day.
And my clothes are getting bigger and looser (?) and I am so happy.
It is tiring and painful. But it is worth it. Finally I can be proud of myself and my body again. :D
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
The Constant Battle inside my Head
So yesterday I was tired, and sore from my awesome work out the day before and from about 11am I had a running battle inside my head: To go to training or not.
It went something like this:
I'm sooo tired, I just want to go home and sleep.
But you know you always feel better when you go.
Yeah but I probably won't put in as much effort if I go, and besides I need to rest my body too.
But it's not like you are going to sleep anyways so what's the point? And then you'll just feel guilty anyways.
But I've eaten really well today so it's not that bad..
Yeah but that's not really an excuse, you should do that anyways.
blah blah blah blah....
This happens to my quite often when I am tired.
But you know what? Despite the argument, one side is winning more and more.. and that is the training side. Lately I realise that I don't really have any worthwhile excuses, I'm not going to spend my time better, and beside going for half an hour to an hour still gives me plenty of time in the evening to do what I need to do. So really, why not train? Even if I am tired, I still need to exercise.
My evenings this week have started to take on a routine:
Get home, chuck clothes in the wash and change into my workout gear. Tidy up, maybe grab a snack and fill my water bottle. Jog the oval before training. Go to training. Come home and take the dogs for a walk (great way to fully stretch after my work out and the dogs appreciate it!). Come back, take a shower and make dinner. Have dinner and start planning what I need for the next day (work clothes, books, food etc)
Finally if I'm not tired I might read a book or watch TV.
It's amazing what you can fit into your day when you're not watching TV or just chilling out on the coach and by prioritising my health, I feel so much better and am able to get out and be in the sunshine for a bit which I love.
I fully understand that there are people who can't keep this sort of routine: children, weather, work hours can all get in the way. But by carving out a time and making a commitment to myself to exercise first before everything else I find that I can always make time for the rest. Especially as I come home energised and pumped after training that I just power through things.
Not everyone needs to train in the morning, evening definitely works for me!
It went something like this:
I'm sooo tired, I just want to go home and sleep.
But you know you always feel better when you go.
Yeah but I probably won't put in as much effort if I go, and besides I need to rest my body too.
But it's not like you are going to sleep anyways so what's the point? And then you'll just feel guilty anyways.
But I've eaten really well today so it's not that bad..
Yeah but that's not really an excuse, you should do that anyways.
blah blah blah blah....
This happens to my quite often when I am tired.
But you know what? Despite the argument, one side is winning more and more.. and that is the training side. Lately I realise that I don't really have any worthwhile excuses, I'm not going to spend my time better, and beside going for half an hour to an hour still gives me plenty of time in the evening to do what I need to do. So really, why not train? Even if I am tired, I still need to exercise.
My evenings this week have started to take on a routine:
Get home, chuck clothes in the wash and change into my workout gear. Tidy up, maybe grab a snack and fill my water bottle. Jog the oval before training. Go to training. Come home and take the dogs for a walk (great way to fully stretch after my work out and the dogs appreciate it!). Come back, take a shower and make dinner. Have dinner and start planning what I need for the next day (work clothes, books, food etc)
Finally if I'm not tired I might read a book or watch TV.
It's amazing what you can fit into your day when you're not watching TV or just chilling out on the coach and by prioritising my health, I feel so much better and am able to get out and be in the sunshine for a bit which I love.
I fully understand that there are people who can't keep this sort of routine: children, weather, work hours can all get in the way. But by carving out a time and making a commitment to myself to exercise first before everything else I find that I can always make time for the rest. Especially as I come home energised and pumped after training that I just power through things.
Not everyone needs to train in the morning, evening definitely works for me!
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Sleepless in Seattle
Ok so I'm not in Seattle. But I am feeling pretty sleep deprived. Last night I swear I woke up every couple of hours. This could be verified by the clock : 11.30, 00.55, 1.30, 2.50, 5.35.. and then alarm at 6am.
However, surprisingly, despite the lack of sleep, I am feeling better than yesterday. Probably because while I am tired, I don't feel like crap. I don't feel like I've derailed and want nothing else but to jump into a bowl of cookie and cream ice cream with mini m&m's ... and here's why...
I had a productive day at work yesterday. I ate my cereal and rice milk. Then went to a meeting and at 2pm had lunch, I had a chicken and salad sandwich on multigrain bread. I had a coke and a piece of chocolate. I came home from work and went to my 45min boxing group, then I went home and took the dog for a 30 min walk.
Afterwards I had a shower, ducked to the shops and came home and made a baby spinach, feta and roasted pumpkin salad with chicken (which is also my lunch today FYI) with a small bowl of oven cooked fries.
So reading that ^^ I know a lot of people would be "That is so unhealthy! I don't understand.." but the thing is I was expecting to it be a lot worse. I expected to go right off the bandwagon. But I didn't. I ate salad, I didn't eat ice cream. I did more exercise than I normally do in one day. And I feel good. I feel like I can get back on track and really start to buckle down again.
I think part of that is because of a few blogs I have been reading, about other people struggling and realising I really am not the only one. And also realising I really am not ready to stop yet. I still have a long way to go, and I really want to get there.
I had lunch with a friend the other day. I love her to bits, we are very similar in many ways, including our struggle with weight. And right now she is at the stage where she doesn't have the time or energy to do anything about it. Which I get completely. But it also really brought home how much I don't want to be in the same position. I want to do this. I want to have a body I am happy with and comfortable with and don't have to feel self conscious about when I am next to my family and friends.
I want to do this.
I want to be healthy. I want to be able to say when I eat a piece of chocolate that it really is my first for the week/month. I want to be able to say that I exercise every day. I want to be able to fit into size 14 jeans. I want to have a flat stomach. I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want to be able to move freely and not breathe heavily after a short jog.
I want to change.
So time to stop the excuses, to stop pretending I'm normal and can get away with eating what I want. Time to actually do the work and get this body in shape!
<<<My friend just sent me this photo from New Years a few years a go ( It was 80's themed)
However, surprisingly, despite the lack of sleep, I am feeling better than yesterday. Probably because while I am tired, I don't feel like crap. I don't feel like I've derailed and want nothing else but to jump into a bowl of cookie and cream ice cream with mini m&m's ... and here's why...
I had a productive day at work yesterday. I ate my cereal and rice milk. Then went to a meeting and at 2pm had lunch, I had a chicken and salad sandwich on multigrain bread. I had a coke and a piece of chocolate. I came home from work and went to my 45min boxing group, then I went home and took the dog for a 30 min walk.
Afterwards I had a shower, ducked to the shops and came home and made a baby spinach, feta and roasted pumpkin salad with chicken (which is also my lunch today FYI) with a small bowl of oven cooked fries.
So reading that ^^ I know a lot of people would be "That is so unhealthy! I don't understand.." but the thing is I was expecting to it be a lot worse. I expected to go right off the bandwagon. But I didn't. I ate salad, I didn't eat ice cream. I did more exercise than I normally do in one day. And I feel good. I feel like I can get back on track and really start to buckle down again.
I think part of that is because of a few blogs I have been reading, about other people struggling and realising I really am not the only one. And also realising I really am not ready to stop yet. I still have a long way to go, and I really want to get there.
I had lunch with a friend the other day. I love her to bits, we are very similar in many ways, including our struggle with weight. And right now she is at the stage where she doesn't have the time or energy to do anything about it. Which I get completely. But it also really brought home how much I don't want to be in the same position. I want to do this. I want to have a body I am happy with and comfortable with and don't have to feel self conscious about when I am next to my family and friends.
I want to do this.
I want to be healthy. I want to be able to say when I eat a piece of chocolate that it really is my first for the week/month. I want to be able to say that I exercise every day. I want to be able to fit into size 14 jeans. I want to have a flat stomach. I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want to be able to move freely and not breathe heavily after a short jog.
I want to change.
So time to stop the excuses, to stop pretending I'm normal and can get away with eating what I want. Time to actually do the work and get this body in shape!
<<<My friend just sent me this photo from New Years a few years a go ( It was 80's themed)
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Tired of perfection
I am so sick and tired of those that seem to be the perfect weight loss loser.
You have more will power than me, you can stick to your diet goals, you're going harder at the gym.
Woohoo good for you. There is no need to brag about it in my face.
I am genuinely happy for you. But don't you dare make me feel as if my weight loss is not good enough.
Just because my journey is different to yours does not mean it is right or wrong. People work through things differently.
I understand that I have a lot of emotions tied to food. And I know it will take time to work through those. Just because I give in to those now or then, or because I seem more relaxed about it does not mean I am not dealing with it.
All I have heard about dieting is that is bad for you. You stick to one restricted plan for too long and you crack. I have heard that almost 95% of dieters regain their weight and then some within 2 years of losing it.
Why? Because they haven't worked through their issues. They lose the will power to stay on something so restrictive and they start to go back to old habits. I have been so good for so long I deserve to have a piece of cake now and then. And so it begins.
That is NOT how I want to be. I want to work through my problems. Find a balance between the food I love and the foods I need. To enjoy and actually want to do exercise. To be able to go out with friends and enjoy the same foods without being judged or judging them.
I want to be normal.
Yes that sounds idyllic. And so many people will say that I am being unrealistic to think I can make any changes without dieting or restricting.
BUT
It has worked for me so far.
I CAN go out. No I don't eat dessert, I make a healthy choice for dinner, and I do NOT feel guilty.
I CAN eat a piece of chocolate when I am tired and stressed.
I CAN enjoy life.
I do NOT need to be good ALL the time.
As long as I exercise more than I eat. Then I am fine. Which is what I plan to keep on doing.
Yes I might hit a plateau and need to change something to keep losing weight. But that does not mean I need to drop everything in my life, go completely organic within a week and then crash and burn within 3 days.
I understand my body, my mentality and what I need to do to make sure I achieve my goals. So congratulations that you have done so well. So have I. Now leave me alone.
You have more will power than me, you can stick to your diet goals, you're going harder at the gym.
Woohoo good for you. There is no need to brag about it in my face.
I am genuinely happy for you. But don't you dare make me feel as if my weight loss is not good enough.
Just because my journey is different to yours does not mean it is right or wrong. People work through things differently.
I understand that I have a lot of emotions tied to food. And I know it will take time to work through those. Just because I give in to those now or then, or because I seem more relaxed about it does not mean I am not dealing with it.
All I have heard about dieting is that is bad for you. You stick to one restricted plan for too long and you crack. I have heard that almost 95% of dieters regain their weight and then some within 2 years of losing it.
Why? Because they haven't worked through their issues. They lose the will power to stay on something so restrictive and they start to go back to old habits. I have been so good for so long I deserve to have a piece of cake now and then. And so it begins.
That is NOT how I want to be. I want to work through my problems. Find a balance between the food I love and the foods I need. To enjoy and actually want to do exercise. To be able to go out with friends and enjoy the same foods without being judged or judging them.
I want to be normal.
Yes that sounds idyllic. And so many people will say that I am being unrealistic to think I can make any changes without dieting or restricting.
BUT
It has worked for me so far.
I CAN go out. No I don't eat dessert, I make a healthy choice for dinner, and I do NOT feel guilty.
I CAN eat a piece of chocolate when I am tired and stressed.
I CAN enjoy life.
I do NOT need to be good ALL the time.
As long as I exercise more than I eat. Then I am fine. Which is what I plan to keep on doing.
Yes I might hit a plateau and need to change something to keep losing weight. But that does not mean I need to drop everything in my life, go completely organic within a week and then crash and burn within 3 days.
I understand my body, my mentality and what I need to do to make sure I achieve my goals. So congratulations that you have done so well. So have I. Now leave me alone.
Monday, 27 August 2012
Self Harm and Foods
There are many ways of hurting yourself, and mine was chocolate.
Now this might not sound like I'm doing myself any harm, and was actually rewarding myself, but I wasn't.
You see I get sick from eating rich foods, so cream, chocolate cake, chocolate, anything really rich, and generally sweet and not long after eating some, I would be gagging and trying to bring it up (and not by choice.)
When I was particularly down and unhappy with myself, hating myself for my eating choices, the way I looked, what I was doing to myself and generally having a pity party, I would have to have chocolate.
Except instead of stopping at a couple of pieces I would the entire block until I was physically sick.
And my reasoning for my behaviour? I deserved it. I deserved to be sick for the way I treated myself, for eating the way I did. For being fat, for giving in to temptation, for not being better, stronger, healthier etc etc
Thinking about it now, I realise of course that it was not reasonable, it was not sensible, and it certainly didn't help me and my weight. But of course, like many things, you only see that when you look back.
I still struggle with that today. I still struggle not to punish myself unnecessarily for giving in to temptation, for falling of the band wagon, for having something I shouldn't, or for not reaching my goals in time, for not pushing myself harder, faster, better.
For not being better, stronger, healthier.
And I think a lot of that comes down to my own self perception, and letting go of constantly wanting to be perfect and meet these unrealistic expectations. To try and stop thinking about how people might be judging me for eating chocolate or having an extra slice of pie, when they don't know who I am, what I am trying to do, how hard I have been working.
I feel like when I read blogs about weight loss and they meet success after success and have lost amazing amounts of weight that I have even more pressure to meet those standards.
But then I take a step back, and think, is that really realistic? Is that sustainable? Are they going to be able to maintain that progress in the long term, or are they going to burn up? Or are they simply in a better place, more supported, more motivated than me?
Who am I to say. All I know is that at the moment my own worst enemy is myself. I am the one that puts the pressure on, that says yes or no to that extra slice, that puts in the effort at the training sessions. Or not.
I feel like I need to start taking more responsibility for my actions, and to stop punishing myself for not achieving everything the first time.
Now this might not sound like I'm doing myself any harm, and was actually rewarding myself, but I wasn't.
You see I get sick from eating rich foods, so cream, chocolate cake, chocolate, anything really rich, and generally sweet and not long after eating some, I would be gagging and trying to bring it up (and not by choice.)
When I was particularly down and unhappy with myself, hating myself for my eating choices, the way I looked, what I was doing to myself and generally having a pity party, I would have to have chocolate.
Except instead of stopping at a couple of pieces I would the entire block until I was physically sick.
And my reasoning for my behaviour? I deserved it. I deserved to be sick for the way I treated myself, for eating the way I did. For being fat, for giving in to temptation, for not being better, stronger, healthier etc etc
Thinking about it now, I realise of course that it was not reasonable, it was not sensible, and it certainly didn't help me and my weight. But of course, like many things, you only see that when you look back.
I still struggle with that today. I still struggle not to punish myself unnecessarily for giving in to temptation, for falling of the band wagon, for having something I shouldn't, or for not reaching my goals in time, for not pushing myself harder, faster, better.
For not being better, stronger, healthier.
And I think a lot of that comes down to my own self perception, and letting go of constantly wanting to be perfect and meet these unrealistic expectations. To try and stop thinking about how people might be judging me for eating chocolate or having an extra slice of pie, when they don't know who I am, what I am trying to do, how hard I have been working.
I feel like when I read blogs about weight loss and they meet success after success and have lost amazing amounts of weight that I have even more pressure to meet those standards.
But then I take a step back, and think, is that really realistic? Is that sustainable? Are they going to be able to maintain that progress in the long term, or are they going to burn up? Or are they simply in a better place, more supported, more motivated than me?
Who am I to say. All I know is that at the moment my own worst enemy is myself. I am the one that puts the pressure on, that says yes or no to that extra slice, that puts in the effort at the training sessions. Or not.
I feel like I need to start taking more responsibility for my actions, and to stop punishing myself for not achieving everything the first time.
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Revisiting my goals
As I was reading some of the posts from the blogs I follow and I was reminded of my weight loss goals and decided it was time to revisit them. It's not that I haven't been thinking about it, but the fact is my goals have shrunk to things like doing better in training and eating better day to day. I haven't weighed myself in quite a while, however my clothes are becoming loose so I know I am staying on track. So keeping that in mind, I estimate that I am about 95ish kgs now- I am basing this purely on which clothes I am fitting back into.
July 1st 8kgs Smallest I have been in almost 3 years :(
Challenge: Jog for 5 minutes without panting.
Reward: A new handbag.
So I didn't achieved this goal by the date, however I have lost about 10kgs which is rewarding. It's scary to think this is the smallest I have been in about 3 years! I can jog for 5 minutes but I am still breathing hard -but not exhausted.
August 5th 16kgs
Be able to fit into old “skinny” clothes such as jeans, shorts etc
Challenge: Finish a 8km Obstacle course
Reward: Day Spa Treatment.
So I didn't achieve this goal by the set date either, but I am on my way there! My new goal is:
New Goal:
September 21st*: 16kgs
Challenge: Hold a plank for 1 minute.
Reward: Hour long massage.
*This is the date for my ball, so hopefully by losing this weight I will fit into my ball dress no problems!
Obviously I am not going to reach my goals by my original set dates, but I am still confident that I can make them within the next 6 months. Fingers crossed. And even if I don't, I know I will have made progress which is achievable and long term. Which to me is far more important.
So for the rest of my goals I am just going to set new dates.
October 31st: September 16th 20kgs
As skinny as I was when I came back from Sweden. Time to reminisce!
Challenge: Do 50 "real" push ups.
Reward: Buying a new pair of Jeans. I haven't bough jeans in about 3 years..
November 30thOctober 28th 25kgs
Uncharted Territory! It’s time to start thinking about where to go from here..
Challenge: Able to do 10 pull ups (lifting my own body weight)
Reward: Burn all of my old clothes! Have a party to celebrate!
January 1st November 25th 30kgs
SOOOO Close! Time to start thinking about new clothes/style!
Challenge: Go Bungee Jumping
Reward: SHOPPING SPREE!!!
Reward: A new handbag.
So I didn't achieved this goal by the date, however I have lost about 10kgs which is rewarding. It's scary to think this is the smallest I have been in about 3 years! I can jog for 5 minutes but I am still breathing hard -but not exhausted.
Be able to fit into old “skinny” clothes such as jeans, shorts etc
Challenge: Finish a 8km Obstacle course
Reward: Day Spa Treatment
So I didn't achieve this goal by the set date either, but I am on my way there! My new goal is:
New Goal:
September 21st*: 16kgs
Challenge: Hold a plank for 1 minute.
Reward: Hour long massage.
*This is the date for my ball, so hopefully by losing this weight I will fit into my ball dress no problems!
Obviously I am not going to reach my goals by my original set dates, but I am still confident that I can make them within the next 6 months. Fingers crossed. And even if I don't, I know I will have made progress which is achievable and long term. Which to me is far more important.
So for the rest of my goals I am just going to set new dates.
October 31st:
As skinny as I was when I came back from Sweden. Time to reminisce!
Challenge: Do 50 "real" push ups.
Reward: Buying a new pair of Jeans. I haven't bough jeans in about 3 years..
November 30th
Uncharted Territory! It’s time to start thinking about where to go from here..
Challenge: Able to do 10 pull ups (lifting my own body weight)
Reward: Burn all of my old clothes! Have a party to celebrate!
January 1st
SOOOO Close! Time to start thinking about new clothes/style!
Challenge: Go Bungee Jumping
Reward: SHOPPING SPREE!!!
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Keeping Busy
One of the many things that I struggle with weight loss is how to maintain everything when I get busy. It's like as soon as I have something to do, I take my mind off what I should be eating or exercising and that's it, all my good intentions go out the window.
This weekend was not my best weekend. I caved. BAD. But as I tell myself now, when was the last time you had popcorn, coke and an icecream at the movies, let alone in day to day life? At least 6 months ago, probably more.
When was the last time you had a slice of pavlova (which I heaped the strawberries and banana on btw) .. probably about 6 months ago, if not more.
So when I think about it. I realise it's not so bad. I have been doing really well lately. Cutting back on the number of foods that I buy in packets or premade. Making everything myself. EVEN cutting back on chocolate.
Lately I have also noticed a change in my thinking as well, instead of saying "Well I've already had a piece of chocolate, I might as well eat the cookie as well" I have been saying "Well I had a piece of chocolate so I really shouldn't have that cookie as well." and thinking about what I should do to improve next time.
My goal is that eventually eating healthy will become a habit and I won't have to constantly plan and listen to those voices in my head, that eventually I'll think "I had a yogurt, I don't need the chocolate or the cookie" or some such. Eventually. And it seems I am on my way there.
I think it has something to do with seeing results, and feeling the difference in myself and realising I don't want to be the one to sabotage myself. I don't want to be the reason why I'm not moving forward.
And I am moving forward. On Saturday I went to the shops with a girlfriend and came across a dress that I absolutely loved from Cotton On. Now Cotton On is normally classed as one of those stores that "I used to buy from, but no longer fit into, and therefore only has "skinny sizes" ." Anyways I'm staring at this dress that I love and I'm like, just try it on, you've been doing really well lately, maybe this will motivate you to lose that bit more to fit into the dress.
The dress is stretchy and skin tight. AND is not normally something I would think to try on. Being heavier in the stomach and thighs I tend to buy things that sit tight around my bust and waist then flares around my problem area/s.
So this dress definitely didn't fit the bill. But I tried it on, and guess what? It a) fitted! b) looked good! I was in shock, I didn't actually think it would look good! I was waiting for the, oh it looks alright here, but you can still see my stomach there. Except it didn't happen. I liked the way it looked. Sure it would look way better on me if I lost another 10kgs. But it still looked good. It was like a dance up and down and squeal with excitement moment!!
Also looking at the sizing chart, I chose a large, which is the equivalent of an AU size 14- one size down! (Which is an equivalent of a US size 10.)
You can see the dress here http://shop.cottonon.com/shop/product/ariella-peplum-dress-6/
So from now on I am putting that dress at the front of my wardrobe, to remind me of how well I have done, and not to go back!
It's a new week ahead and it's time to start again with a clean slate and stop guilt tripping myself.
I have done well, I will do better.
This weekend was not my best weekend. I caved. BAD. But as I tell myself now, when was the last time you had popcorn, coke and an icecream at the movies, let alone in day to day life? At least 6 months ago, probably more.
When was the last time you had a slice of pavlova (which I heaped the strawberries and banana on btw) .. probably about 6 months ago, if not more.
So when I think about it. I realise it's not so bad. I have been doing really well lately. Cutting back on the number of foods that I buy in packets or premade. Making everything myself. EVEN cutting back on chocolate.
Lately I have also noticed a change in my thinking as well, instead of saying "Well I've already had a piece of chocolate, I might as well eat the cookie as well" I have been saying "Well I had a piece of chocolate so I really shouldn't have that cookie as well." and thinking about what I should do to improve next time.
My goal is that eventually eating healthy will become a habit and I won't have to constantly plan and listen to those voices in my head, that eventually I'll think "I had a yogurt, I don't need the chocolate or the cookie" or some such. Eventually. And it seems I am on my way there.
I think it has something to do with seeing results, and feeling the difference in myself and realising I don't want to be the one to sabotage myself. I don't want to be the reason why I'm not moving forward.
And I am moving forward. On Saturday I went to the shops with a girlfriend and came across a dress that I absolutely loved from Cotton On. Now Cotton On is normally classed as one of those stores that "I used to buy from, but no longer fit into, and therefore only has "skinny sizes" ." Anyways I'm staring at this dress that I love and I'm like, just try it on, you've been doing really well lately, maybe this will motivate you to lose that bit more to fit into the dress.
The dress is stretchy and skin tight. AND is not normally something I would think to try on. Being heavier in the stomach and thighs I tend to buy things that sit tight around my bust and waist then flares around my problem area/s.
So this dress definitely didn't fit the bill. But I tried it on, and guess what? It a) fitted! b) looked good! I was in shock, I didn't actually think it would look good! I was waiting for the, oh it looks alright here, but you can still see my stomach there. Except it didn't happen. I liked the way it looked. Sure it would look way better on me if I lost another 10kgs. But it still looked good. It was like a dance up and down and squeal with excitement moment!!
Also looking at the sizing chart, I chose a large, which is the equivalent of an AU size 14- one size down! (Which is an equivalent of a US size 10.)
You can see the dress here http://shop.cottonon.com/shop/product/ariella-peplum-dress-6/
So from now on I am putting that dress at the front of my wardrobe, to remind me of how well I have done, and not to go back!
It's a new week ahead and it's time to start again with a clean slate and stop guilt tripping myself.
I have done well, I will do better.
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Learning to love Myself.
Something which I have always struggled with, is loving who I am as a person, and what I look like as a whole.
In general there are things that I love about myself, my hair, eyes and lips. My quirky tastes in fashion, design and books.
But in general, what with the whole FAT- thing going on, I don't generally think of myself as WHOLE.
As I am doing more training, I am learning to love what I can do, I can do sit-ups non stop for a minute. I can do squats fro two minutes non stop. I can do burpees and push ups (not very good ones, but hey I'm working on it)
Slowly but surely I am learning to love myself. I love that standing up relaxed (not sucking in my belly) my stomach is NOT the biggest (OMG I HAVE BOOBS!!). I love that my pants are getting more and more loose, and the dresses flow smoothly over my hips and stomach.
I love losing weight and gaining strength and muscle and tone. I love learning more about what I CAN do, not what I CAN'T do.
I love learning about the new me. :)
In general there are things that I love about myself, my hair, eyes and lips. My quirky tastes in fashion, design and books.
But in general, what with the whole FAT- thing going on, I don't generally think of myself as WHOLE.
As I am doing more training, I am learning to love what I can do, I can do sit-ups non stop for a minute. I can do squats fro two minutes non stop. I can do burpees and push ups (not very good ones, but hey I'm working on it)
Slowly but surely I am learning to love myself. I love that standing up relaxed (not sucking in my belly) my stomach is NOT the biggest (OMG I HAVE BOOBS!!). I love that my pants are getting more and more loose, and the dresses flow smoothly over my hips and stomach.
I love losing weight and gaining strength and muscle and tone. I love learning more about what I CAN do, not what I CAN'T do.
I love learning about the new me. :)
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