Settling In: living life my way

So it's been a week since I moved out of home and have been settling into my own home and way of life. All I can say is, I think this is going to work for me.

I don't know what it is, but I honestly feel like I have more time during the week, and less time over the weekend. Possibly because that's when visitors come a-calling.

Eating has been ace. I have had a bit of a wake up call on how much I actually eat. It's actually a lot less than I thought! So I have had so much leftovers this week. The upside is that I have not had to buy lunch and thus am saving money. Sunday I used up some leftover chicken and made a massive curry. Normally this would feed the family (of 4) but for me it was dinner, lunch and leftovers which I spooned into some ramekins and made pies. I wrapped these in alfoil and chucked them in the freezer for lunches during the week.

I also made some banana bread and brownies and froze half of each for another day. The rest were devoured by all my guests on the weekend. Which I am grateful for. Less for me to graze on!

One thing I am prone to, is to snack on unhealthy foods when bored. So once I finish off the unhealthy stuff in the cupboard I am determined not to buy more and just focus on fruit and other healthy snacks.

My diet during the week at work has very much been: Porridge with full cream milk and small sprinkling of cinnamon and brown sugar. Fruit for morning tea- usually a couple of apples or a punnet of strawberries. Left overs for lunch and another snack in the afternoon. I am trying to work it that I just drink tea or coffee instead of snacks in the afternoon and really pack my dinners and lunches with as much veggies as possible. Trying!

My diet is all about trying to find something that works for me and my budget. Fills me up. Is easy. And also is as nutritionally dense as possible. So a lot of home cooking and vegies and fruit. So far it's going well and I am excited to try some new things and work in veggies in a more imaginative way. I really do love being creative and cooking is definitely a passion of mine. The upside of living out of home is that there is less work to be done, and I don't need to cater for everyone's tastes, so I can make stuff that I want and eat. Winning!

Lot's to do this week, heaps of stuff that I need to get sorted with the house and still trying to get into a routine with exercise etc. I thought mornings might have been the way to go, but I think I like the idea of going for a nice walk at the end of the day to clear my head before coming back and getting into the kitchen for dinner. We'll see.

All I can say, is that while I haven't been exercising as much as I used to, I don't feel heavy/bloated like I used to and actually have a bit of energy. I have noticed a slight gain around the hips, but I'm hoping that as I really concentrate on my diet and upping my exercise I can get rid of that and get back to losing weight. Wish me luck!

Overhaul: All by myself

So I officially moved out on Friday. And simultaneously was excited to finally take my health into my own hands, while also wondering how I was going to afford everything.

Because I now have a house and mortgage to pay. All by myself. On my small wage with a charity organisation. And of course not living out of home before, I did not have all those things that people have when they live out of home. Plus there is all the other things, the added extras that you need to pay, such as painting, rates, fans, gardening and retic and air conditioning etc

All by myself.

Anyways, as you can imagine my brain is in overload right now. Especially with all the things I need to organise. Summer is only a couple of months here and I would ideally like some air conditioning before then... but that could take a while to save up, should I not just get TV and some fans instead??

Plus food, and exercise. So far I have a been a bit busy and too tired to exercise but I hope to start going for walks/jogs around the neighbourhood soon. Just need to settle in and unpack a few things first.

Food has been good. I've been wanting to experiment with being more vegetarian for a while, so decided now was the perfect chance to. So that's what I've been doing so far. Plus I made a batch of soup and put it in the freezer in preparation of those days when I won't want to cook. So proud of myself!

Knowing that finances is going to be difficult for a while means that I'm trying to plan ahead and think of ways I can shop better and make food last longer. Left overs for lunches and meals in the freezer so I don't resort to buying expensive take-away for instance. Plus selling off a few things that I don't need for some spare cash.

It's going to be a long haul, and very hard for me to hold back and not want to get everything sorted RIGHT NOW. Rather than wait until next week when I know how much money I have. But hey, I think I can do it. I am quite ambitious after all and have no problem with not having a social life for while.

I'm hoping with the combination of smaller meals, more vegetables and healthier foods, plus the introduction of walking/jogging most days I can get back onto the band wagon and stop the creeping kilos. It's been a few months since I stopped PT and I miss it, and feel like I've put on 1-2kgs. Possibly it's just a lack of muscle, but I don't want to take the chance of it being a long term thing.

Once I've settled in and got some expensive items out of the way, I'll look into the possibility of dance classes or something to up the ante.

But here's cheers to learning how to live thrifty, and healthy, all by myself.

Confidence; Do you have it and how do you show it?

I read a blog today where the author writes 10 things that she would like the confidence to do, a bucket list for confident activities.

It made me think about what makes us seem confident, and what we consider an activity that confident people do.

One of the items on the list was walking with eyes and head up right. Not downcast.

Now I am a confident person. I am confident in my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, I am confident that I know who I am and what I am capable of, and that it is not related to my body. Mostly. So for me, walking eyes up front is not something I would consider as being on my bucket list. I do it most days.

I think it also comes back to the philosophy of facing things head on- shoulders up, back straight and face your fears. I am the sort of person who realises my flaws and tries to work on them. To show that I am more than my fears and eventually overcomes them. For example; as an introvert, I hate crowds of random people and struggle to start a conversation. So one night I went out on the town by myself, went to a bar, sat down and tried to make a conversation with some randoms. It was a great night and it made me feel so much more confident in myself and my abilities.

Another lady mentioned that they wish they could wear a bikini in public. I actually did this in summer. Originally I had a t-shirt on over the top but it was annoying and baggy and was going to take my forever to get dry. So I was like you know what, I don't give a damn, and took it off. And swam and had a ball and even got a few glances from some males. No one glared or looked away disgusted. No one got up and left or looked me up and down as if to say 'you're wearing that?'. It was just another reminder to me, which is happening more and more, that for everyone person who bullies and bashes being chubby there are so many more who don't care. Who have family, friends, partners, colleagues who look like I do and all they really want is for you to be happy and get on with life.

It's heartening, encouraging and inspiring.

So what do I want the confidence to be able to do? I want the confidence to wear sexy clothing and not worry about my cellulite or stretchmarks or saggy belly (damn you weight loss!). I want the confidence to look someone in the eye and say 'Fuck you, I am beautiful too'. I want the confidence to be myself without having to worry about what people think, without worrying that I need to justify myself. I want the confidence to jog down the street and puff and pant and simply relish being able to run, not worry about the people will be looking at everything 'jiggling'.

Simple things, but important ones to me. So what does confidence mean to you?

Jogging- It's a big deal

So since not having a PT anymore, I've started looking into my exercise options. At the moment I am mostly walking and concentrating on health (still not 100%). However I know that if I leave it too long then I will get into the habit of NOT exercising and possibly fall back into other old bad habits.

I have never been a runner. But I have always admired people who were. It just seems like an easy free and freeing exercise. Much like cycling. Except that cycling in Australia you need a helmet for and also ride next to crazy drivers, which does not appeal to me at all.

Anyways yesterday I took the dog for a walk and decided, you know what? I'm going to try a jog most of the way to my (new) house which is a couple of blocks from where I am now. To my surprise, I actually could jog most of the way there and I also wasn't out of breathe so much as sore from using long unused muscles.

This was both surprising and heartening. I have always struggled with my breathing and it has always deterred me from taking up a few sports.

But maybe I am getting past that? Maybe jogging/running is something I can do after all?

I'm trying not to think too much about it and pressure myself into doing something that I might regret or end up hating. But I would like to give it a crack and see how I go. Maybe one day I'll be able to jog to and from my new house to the old? Maybe I'll be able to be one of those people who happily goes for a jog after work? Who knows. Time will tell.

2014, My Year, My Way.

So I have been training for quite a while now, almost 2 years now. Yet I probably only shifted 15kgs and am still struggling with running the stairs on Thursday afternoons.

In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.

The difference? Diet.

I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.

I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.

I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).

Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.

Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.

It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).

The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.

I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!

I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.

If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.

Wish me luck!

Retreat

It's hard for me to face the world. All I want to do is block it all out and focus on my thoughts. To try and figure myself out before I deal with people and their comments and looks and judgement.

It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.

Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.

They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.

It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.

No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.

Enough is enough.

Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.

So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.

So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.

New Year, New Goals.

So it's a new year and customary to make new goals. You would think that as this is mostly about weight loss, that it would be all weight loss goals? Not quite.

One of the biggest things I learnt in 2013 was that how I am living the rest of my life has a direct impact on my weight. Or more accurately, what I eat and how much I exercise.

One of my main goals last year was that no matter what, I was to keep exercising. This meant that no matter how stressed, how sore or in pain, how tired or fat or emotional, I just had to keep going.

Mostly that meant sticking to routine and forcing myself to say 'yes' whenever my trainer confirmed an appointment. It also meant that when I was sick or sore (I had some back problems late last year) to talk to my trainer about alternative exercises we could do, or simply doing as much as I could outside of training.

I am glad to say that this was something that I kept up and most weeks I trained at least 2-4 times a week. That may seem low to other people losing weight, but I am working on creating a long term lifestyle change and 2-4 times a week is something I can commit to long term. Heck, I've just done it for a whole year!

I think being able to stick to this one goal has meant that I could focus more effectively. Sure I could have half a dozen goals that I am working on, but when things got tough, that was the one thing I couldn't break. And I have noticed the difference. In the last month alone when everyone has been complaining about not fitting into their summer bikini or favourite dress, I was buying new clothes and squeezing into a pair of jeans that are no longer too small for me. Hallelujah!

Another of my goals for 2013, was to get back into my arts and crafts more. Which I have been doing, I have been painting something almost every month.

I am so glad that I made this a goal and committed to it. I had forgotten how much I missed it and it has made a huge difference in how I feel. Painting for me has always been an emotional vent, often this results in very abstract and bold paintings, sometimes though I am in a more serene state and will do some watercolour landscapes. For me painting has helped me to handle stress, to be more patient and find my inner peace, and to vent my feelings onto something other than food. NEVER underestimate how important this is.

So, two goals for 2013 that made a huge impact onto my life. What will I concentrate on in 2014?

My diet is a major goal for me this year. I will not be going on a diet but I really want to concentrate on eating right and making sure I am not sabotaging myself. Which is what I am doing, particularly when stressed.

Apart from that, I really want to tick a few things off my bucket list. Things like skydiving which I can only do if under 99kgs. Things that I would like to do while young.

Another area I want to work on is using my time and money more effectively. I feel like I have done pretty well cruising along. But once I have a house this will change. I feel like if I can get into some good habits now, it will help tremendously down the track.

I hope everyone else had a great break for Christmas and the New Year and I look forward to reading everyone elses goals and aims for the year ahead.

Simple is the new mantra of Summer.

Finally we have some sunshine here in Perth! You can't imagine how happy that makes me!

I'm a real morning and daylight person. I pretty much go into hibernate mode as soon as the cold, night, chill creeps in. I'm sure you can appreciate how this might slow me down and affect my weight loss.. except this year I made a conscious effort to not skip my workouts. To make sure that I at least went to as many as I could unless I was sick and to eat a lot more soups than other comfort foods.

And it worked! Out of all my trainers clients she says I have made the most improvements this year, going from 2x 30min session and one boxing session late last year, to upping it to first 2 x hour long sessions, then adding the 2 boxing sessions and finally adding in the stairs session as well, as I realised I needed to keep pushing myself.

I now train a minimum of 3 times a week, often 5 times a week (group classes are cancelled from time to time due to numbers). And I feel great for it. I have noticed a huge improvement in my fitness and overall well being and stamina. Especially since starting doing the stairs. I have also lost cm's as proven by my clothes and need for new ones.

Something I realised is that if I didn't push myself over winter, it was only going to make it harder in summer. Because then I would have had the extra kgs over winter to lose as well, and less time to lose it.

While numbers on the scale is not what I am really care about, being able to look good and feel good in my clothes is. I want to be healthy. In all senses of the word.

As always, I am constantly tweaking and cutting back. I am not one of those people who can go all or nothing, instead I focus on one part of my diet and work hard to make that part right. Once I am used to say, not drinking soft drink or cutting back on coffee, then I tweak my diet somewhere else.

Eventually I would like to say that I create all my meals myself, including sauces and condiments, and that it is as organically produced as possible.

At the moment I have started concentrating on increasing my protein, but cutting back on my meat. I truly believe that we eat too much meat. Especially as both lunches and dinner can include meat of some sort, plus we eat larger portions than what we should. There is also a cost factor, which as someone soon to be a first home buyer, I need to keep in mind.

So at the moment I have been concentrating on not eating meat for lunch- by meat I mean I would usually eat chicken or ham in a sandwich. Instead I have been focusing on having vegetarian sandwich's with eggs and salad or roast vegetables or salmon with salad.

Since doing this I have felt unbelievably better. It took me a while to understand what the source was, but I eventually realised that by not eating meat so often I felt lighter and healthier. I was naturally eating more vegetables to help keep me full and this was also in turn making me want more healthy, vegetable laden meals.

Not to say that I am now eating vegetables with every meal and pretty much a vegetarian. I'm not. As I live at home, I often have limited choices with meals. But all in all my diet is much better than what it was.

My next step will be to improve my snacks (which aren't bad, but I need something a bit more filling so I'm not tempted by that piece of chocolate in the afternoon) and start improving dinners.

Other things, non-diet related, that I have been working on, is getting back in touch with my creative side. I am proud to say that I have started painting again and that this makes me amazingly happy and relaxed on the weekends.

I also have decided 'simple' is going to be mantra this summer. Simple living, simple clothes, simple room, simple meals, simple lifestyle. Nothing complicated or hard. Nothing cluttered and meaningless. Quality over quantity, essentially. No more wasting time or money on cheap jewellery or clothes when I can buy one good pair of jeans or dress which will last longer and do more for me.

It's time to start appreciating the small things in life; sunshine, friends, family. Not spending money on material possessions.

It's time to keep things Simple. :)

Seeking balance and making new goals.

Lately I have been quite busy, with work and my social life, training and starting to date again.

It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.

Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.

A few things that have been happening lately:

I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.

I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.

I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.

I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.

I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!

I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!

Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!

This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D

As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.

Building blocks

Last week was a big week for me. Thursday night I sat down with mum and a man from Homebuyers Centre here in WA and by Friday afternoon I was building a house and had secured a block of land!

It's only a small block with 3x2 on it with a small courtyard out the back and double garage but for a young single person it's all I need right now.

I told my friends on Saturday night and they were equal parts excited and 'you crazy'. To them owning a home is too much of a commitment or simply costs too much. They look at me in surprise when I say that I managed to get my deposit together myself, it was just that the bank wanted me to pay my HECS (university fees) off first which I needed mum's help with.

I understand that they have higher living costs than I do. I live at home and contribute to bills and cooking and the food and all that but I don't pay rent.

On the other hand most of my friends are earning more than me or have been working for longer than me. I have only been full time for a year and a half. I'm 24 in September.

What it comes down to is motivation, focus and perseverance. I was lucky, I got used to living on a budget when I was at uni and haven't got out of the habit yet. Which means at the end of the first few months of working full time I realised I needed to set myself a goal or I wouldn't know what to do with my money. (Sounds silly doesn't it?) So I decided to get into the property market. Here in WA houses are EXPENSIVE and really hard to get into. There are just so many people wanting to buy at the moment (there were 12 other people who wanted my block of land!!). So I wanted to get in while I could and hopefully in a few years I'll be able to sell and move into something bigger... that's the plan anyways!

Now I want to use that same determination to losing the weight and making changes permanently. At the moment I have been trialing a few things but haven't found anything that I have really stuck to and got results. There are other things I want to do as well, for a more well rounded life balance.

So here are a few goals I have set for the next 6 months or so:

Save really hard. Yup I'll need all the spare cash I can get for things that pop up and for those initial moving in costs.

Stop drinking. I'm not usually a drinker, but lately I have had so many bdays and the like that I have found that I'm drinking almost every weekend. And I don't like it. So besides for my friends bday in June, I don't want to drink for the next 6 months. At least.

Cut back on the take away coffee. I usually will have a nice cup of coffee 2-4 times a week. That can mean $20 on a coffee a week! Sure I don't do this all the time but I need to get out of the habit of being tired and going and spending $5 on a nice cuppa in the morning. I want to get it down to 1-2 times a week initially and then down to twice a fortnight, or once a week.

Bring/ make my lunch at least 5 times a week.  I have been training more lately which means in the evening I come home exhausted. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. I need to get in the habit of getting myself organised in the evenings as in the morning I just get up and go, go, go.

Get back into my craft zone. I used to do a lot of art and craft things when I was at uni and younger. Lately I feel that I need to get back in touch with these roots. Maybe I can even do a few artsy pieces for my new place?

I want to increase my incidental exercise. But it's also going into winter here and I hate the dark and being wet. So not sure yet how I am going to combat that.. will look into it further and report back!

What do you want out of life?

What is that motivates you each day? That gets you out of bed in the morning? That makes you put that ice coffee down and pick up the weights instead?

Why do you go to work today, tomorrow or the next? Why do you see your friends, have a BBQ or go away for the weekend?

What do you want out of your life?

These are some of the questions that have been bubbling around my head more and more often. I am now at the age where my friends are either off travelling or settling down with their partners (some of them are further along in that department than others).

I have travelled, or at least enough that I don't have that "urge" to get "out" that my travelling friends seem to feel.

I don't want to "settle down" either.

So that doesn't leave a lot of options. Ha. What a joke!

I'm a big planner. I like planning and having direction in my life. Most people who come to know me realise this. So they often ask me what plan I am sticking to with my weight loss.

While I agree everyone should have a plan, that they should have strategies and things that they stick to, people also need to work out what works for them. Which is different for everyone, and there is not right or wrong answer.

For me, right now, I am not "planning" so much as "doing" my weight loss. I spent so much time thinking I wanted to lose weight while eating myself into gaining 5kgs. I was thinking so much about going to the gym, about walking each day, about cutting the calories that I never actually did it.

So I stopped thinking about it and started doing it. Obviously there are things I still need to plan and use, there are tricks that I have picked up and use and I plan to stay away from fast food and plan to exercise this week.

But I am not following a plan. Nor do I believe I will succeed if I do. Not for the long term anyways.

This is my life. This is not some short term stint that is supposed to whip me magically into shape and somehow I will be able to follow a no- carb, low sugar, 8 hours of exercise a week diet.

No, this is long term. This is permanent. This is about re-learning how I think about food, exercise and life.

Which brings me back to the question: What do you want out of life? What do I want out of life?

I want to be healthy. I want to be normal. To not be the person who always eats salad when everyone eats a curry. I want to enjoy eating and going out with friends without being self conscious.
I want to enjoy life to the fullest. I want to breathe easier, lift easier, walk easier.

I want sunshine, grass, walks by the river, sweat and tears, muscles, toned arms and stomach. I want to create yummy recipes which are also healthy.

I DON'T want to always be looking over my shoulder. To always count my food or to feel guilty, or unhappy or cheated. I DON'T want to be fat and lonely and left out. I DON'T want to feel like life is passing me by.

So now comes the part where I do what I need to do to make that things I WANT happen.

And that is not counting calories, it is not denying myself. It is going to training at least three times a week and fitting in other sessions when I can. It is making sure I eat my fruit and veg daily. Drinking my water, getting out in the sun, putting myself out there and joining in. It is about me changing my mind and to stop thinking of junk food and large portions as something I need and am entitled to.

To think of quality not quantity. To think that a good coffee and catch up with friends is better (and it is) than sitting at home eating chocolate while watching a DVD. It's about changing my lifestyle not just what I put into my mouth.

And that is what I am doing. I now exercise regularly. I eat good food. I snack less. I eat smaller portions. I think twice about eating junk food, but don't cut myself up if I do.

And my pants and getting bigger and bigger, I am getting stronger and fitter.

This is working for me. It may not work for you. And that's ok.

I'm not planning I am doing.

Welcome Back!

So welcome to the new year: 2013!

Have you decided what you are doing this year? Travel plans? Weight loss goals? Personal/life goals?

The new year is always a time to recap and decide where I want to go in the future. It's a time for me to evaluate how much I did in the past year and decide where I want to go in the next year, and I don't just mean weight loss.

2012 was a big year for me- a lot of firsts happened. My parents decided to get divorced, I started working full time, I decided to get my training underway in April and finally take control of my health and weight. I let go of a lot of personal issues and started to build what I think is a healthy relationship with myself.

So where do I want to go in 2013? Well for starters I have a bucket list, and while I knocked off a few things last year I still have a few more to go! So this year I think I would like to go Bungee Jumping, get my boating licence and learn how to dance.

Dancing is something I have always enjoyed, even if I am not very good at it :P For new years I was lucky enough that a couple of young men were teaching me to fox trot and it made me realise just how much I wish I knew how to dance properly. I just think it is one of those things you miss out on now as a young person.

So I have decided 2013 I am going to learn a couple of new dances :)

Besides for my bucket list, I really want to change the way I train this year, possibly because my living circumstances are about to change as well. I am looking at swapping from evenings to mornings now that I am moving closer to where I am training and I am thinking of getting back into bike riding and walking now that I will be living closer to maintained footpaths. ( Where I live now is rural and there are no footpaths and the roads can be quite dangerous to ride- there have been a few accidents before.)

Besides that I have decided to volunteer a few times this year. I work for a charity, so I am quite familiar with volunteering, but I would like to get some new experiences outside of my organisation. Also a couple of my close friends are going abroad this year, so I see volunteering as a good way of meeting some new and interesting people.

Saving money is always a goal with me. I am one of those people that really wants to be financially secure and thinks about money a lot. Probably because of having a father that went broke. It something that I think has become ingrained and that I never want to be that way in my own lifestyle.

Finally, while I have progressed really well in the last year, I have come to a plateau. Partly because now that I am finally fitting into "normal" clothes and feeling good about myself I have lost some of the motivation to lose my weight. Something I need to keep reminding myself is that while I have lost weight, I am still a far cry from healthy or normal.

Right now I am probably a size 16, almost all over (which is a first because normally I have huge differences between top and bottom!) but I really want to get down to a size 12/14 which is the average size of a woman in Australia.

So time to get more motivated!

Me, my life and where I want to be..

This is not a weight loss post. This is a more general where I am at, where I want to be and how I am going to get there post. You know.. one of those.

Where I am at..

So right now I am 23 years old, I live at home, I am overweight, I work full time for a not-for-profit that helps children with a disability by providing therapy services.

I am single. I have great friends. I am going to Sweden at the end of the year for 3 weeks. My parents are divorcing, we are moving house. My younger sister has moved out with her boyfriend, has a house, dog, birds and I swear all the latest gadgets.

My brother is working and generally enjoying being 18 (legal age to drink in Australia) and his gap year while trying to figure out what he wants to do at Uni.

Oh, I only finished uni last year in July.I have a degree in Mass Communications; Public Relations and Film and TV.  I only started working Full time at the beginning of the year.

Where I want to be..

In 3 years time.. I want to be a healthy size. I want to have a boyfriend. I want my own home. I want a new car. I want to have/will be travelling again. I want to have paid off my HECS fees ( uni fees) .

In truth, I want a lot of things.
But then I have never been daunted by the impossible. It's all about setting goals, planning, breaking things down into bite size pieces that actually look achievable. THINKING POSITIVE.

It's part of the reason Mum loves me. Especially with what she is going through right now (divorce) simply because rather than letting her be overwhelmed with everything, I make her break things down and face what she can do right this instant. Everything else has to be put off until she can do something about it.

No point worrying about what you can't change. No point in making yourself stress and be sick and depressed over the things in life you can't do anything about. You'll never get past things by making them bigger than what they are.

How I am going to do it..

Well I have been looking into buying a house a lot lately. How to do it, what I need to do etc and I have decided me and Mum are going to buy an investment property together and rent it out.

I've already saved $10k this year and plan on doing the same next year. If mum puts in the same we'll get a pretty good house and land package. In 3 years if we sell it, we should have something like 3 times what we initially invested. If all goes well of course.

3x$20k .. I could buy a car. I can pay off my HECS fees and I would be able to put a down payment on a house, just for me.

Hows that for a plan?

I'm already working on the losing weight, great figure, boyfriend part. (To be honest though the great figure +house+ car +no debt is more important than the boyfriend part)

Lucky for me I'm a good saver. After all only last year I earned under $20k and now I'm earning twice that. Rather than go woohoo! look at all the things I can buy - well I did, a little. But I already own a car and I like living at home (Mum likes it too so it's ok people with disapproving glances!!) so instead I started thinking about where I wanted to be in life and how I wanted to get there.

Because you see, I don't want to end up fat with loads of health problems. I don't want to rely on my partner or family to help me own my own home. I want to travel and go on holidays. I want to be set up for retirement and not worry about going on the pension or going into an old person's home.

I want to be a great example for my kids. I want to give them great experiences and education in life.

And all that takes money. And money takes planning and saving and working hard.

And if I start now, then maybe, just maybe I might actually make it happen. Even with detours and mistakes on the way.

Heavy I know for a 23 year old. But I've always been told that I am an old soul.