Been a while

So it's been a while since my last post. A lot has been going on, with work and personal life and all those things that creep up on you.

In my last post I went on about how I needed to adjust my diet and really get of the carb wagon.

Since then I went quite seriously off carbs for a few weeks and then life got in the way and I went away and it became hard to control my food intake. BUT I have not gone back to what I was before and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

The reason being is that I noticed such a big difference in how I felt during those weeks, and also in how my stomach and intestine felt, and really noticed a difference in my energy levels as well.

I am still not eating too much gluten, trying to avoid it but for the occasional toast or sandwich, same with my dairy, and I am still reaping the benefits inside. Just not as much as before.

Other than that everything has been on track. I have had some incredibly stressful moments over the last few months but they have come to pass now, so it's time to take a moment for myself and really get back to being the healthiest and most rested I can be.

Key to getting through these moments have been in taking time out to paint, or draw, or to simply duck down to the beach or away for a picnic. Actually embracing the moment and getting outside is really beneficial to my moods and stress levels. I feel like I've actually achieved something and gotten away from things, even if only for a short while.

Another big moment happened a few weeks ago, a friend of mine and myself decided to join in the Perth skinny dip to try and crack the Guinness book of records and to also raise awareness and funds for those with eating disorders and mental illness. It was a fantastic event and I am so proud that we did something like that. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, but still such a huge achievement to be able to show my my bare body to so many people.

Such a big part of how happy we are is on the inside, inside our heads, not just the way we look on the outside of the number on the scale and it's important to acknowledge that and work on our own self worth and appreciation long before we make our goal weight.

2014, My Year, My Way.

So I have been training for quite a while now, almost 2 years now. Yet I probably only shifted 15kgs and am still struggling with running the stairs on Thursday afternoons.

In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.

The difference? Diet.

I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.

I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.

I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).

Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.

Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.

It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).

The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.

I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!

I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.

If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.

Wish me luck!

My relationship with food

For the longest time food has been a comfort, a friend, a delight. Something to turn to in despair, in happiness, in boredom, in loneliness and in creativeness.

It is because of this of course that I became overweight in the first place. Clearly this sort of relationship is not healthy. You should be able to to turn to friends and activities to help you with these emotions. Should being the key word in that sentence.

Slowly I have been working on changing how I view food. Trying to see it as nourishment- no more, no less.

Of course this has been easy on my good days, when I am happy and light and everything is right in the world. When I am stressed and tired, not so much.

Lately, however ,I have been sick quite a bit. While sick, every mouthful I have eaten has made me regret it later. It has caused me to feel rotten and gross and like my stomach has turned against me.

Because of this I have almost started to view food negatively. To view food as something necessary and not the comfort I have been used to.

I can't say for sure whether this is something permanent. It is only early days yet and my sickness is still fresh in my mind, who knows how I will feel in a month or two when this becomes a distant memory?

I am hoping it is something that sticks. I don't like the way I think of food. I do not like the way I turn to it when something goes wrong. It is this behaviour that could so easily derail me and make gain everything back if something was bad enough.

Let's hope it sticks.

Something that hurts

Something that always manages to hurt is other people's snide comments about what I eat. They seem to think that because they catch me eating a piece of chocolate or some hot chips that it gives them the right to criticise what I am doing.

They seem to think that just because I am not 100% sugar free, wheat free, dairy free etc etc that I don't eat healthy. That I am not doing 'enough'.

It makes me so angry and then it makes me sad.

Because every time I hear those comments I wonder why I don't push myself more, why I don't make those simply changes. Why I don't go harder, faster, longer...

It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. As if I'm the failure.

Despite going from not exercising at all to exercising 5 times a week.

From constantly snacking in my room after dinner to not snacking after dinner at all.

From barely touching fruit to eating fruit every morning, and feeling weird when I don't.

From skipping breakfast to eating cereal or wholegrain toast with boiled eggs every morning.

From shovelling fast food into me while in my car when I was hungry but too ashamed for anyone to see what I was eating.

From having fast food almost every week to less than once a month.

From drinking soft drink or juice every week to next to nothing.

From cutting back my meat consumption and increasing my fish and vegetables.

From going from someone who was about to go into a size 20 pants to someone who has to now go into a size 16. One size away from my goal.

From someone who was ashamed and disgusted with themselves and what their body looked like to someone who has finally rediscovered their confidence and joy in life. Who is HAPPY and who is HEALTHY and who is constantly improving.

Yes I am not 100% organic, sugar and wheat free. But my god I am a billion times better than what I was .

So SHUT THE F*** UP.

Breaking the Hate Circle

Catching up on posts from some of my favourite bloggers I came across Diane's post here>http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog/2013/05/the-judgmental-weight-loss-blogger/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+FitToTheFinish+%28fit+to+the+finish%29&doing_wp_cron=1369006643.5576798915863037109375.

Sorry for some reason I can't hyperlink.

Anyways the blog is about judgemental blogging within the weight loss community.

I have been very lucky that I have never come across any of the bloggers/blogs that attack struggling weight loss bloggers but it doesn't surprise me to hear that they exist. If they exist in real life then why shouldn't they exist in cyberspace?

One particular comment really got to me:

"Haters are going to hate. I know I cannot fix or change them just like I cannot fix or change a person who does not want to stop binge eating or loose weight.
Draw a circle around the haters. Don’t go in there. We have that choice. We also have delete buttons, ways to block people. Underused in the hater world. There’s hate within every community out there.
Bravo for not linking to the sites. It’s what they thrive on. Any site that is commercial will get money for the clicks. Since I like the right to free speech, and I have limited time and the freedom to choose, I read what takes me further. It’s nice to have that power.
Don’t step inside that circle you’ve drawn around the hater. I won’t change the hater, but I can change me."- Karen.P.

Another commenter said "Most people struggling with weight issues are mean enough to themselves without outside meanness"

I love the first comment about drawing a circle around the hater. Protect yourself and don't let them affect your life and your struggle because life is hard enough without someone hating on you.

The second comment I think really nails it, we are own worst critic. More than any hate blogger we criticise our efforts daily- hourly even.

I am sure there are many people who if they read my blog might not have seen much progress in my weight loss journey and would like to think I'm not trying hard enough. Yet, if they were to have met me a year ago and were to meet me today they would be able to see the difference. Daily I am grateful that I made the choice to take my weight and life in order. I am fitter and getting fitter all the time. I can do squats, sit ups, crunches, lunges, dips, push ups, reverse push ups, burpees and all the different versions of them. Slowly I am getting better and doing more of them. I can run around the block without stopping. I can walk up stairs without panting. Small things which make such a difference in how we live our lives.

My confidence has increased immensely. I am happy with myself and my body again. My measurements have decreased and every time I put on something I haven't worn in a while I have room where I didn't before.

Am I depressed that I am not losing faster? That I haven't got down to my "ideal" weight? To be perfectly honest- no. I have lost weight fast before and each time I have put it back on. This time I don't want to put it back on, which means I have to do something different. I have to figure out all the mental and emotional issues that goes along with weight gain and loss, and that takes time.

So long as I continually strive to improve myself and my body I am happy with the smaller changes. I have lost weight, I have dropped dress sizes and I am actually not that far off from where I want to be.

I am not in a hurry.

I want to do this once and do it right.

What do you want out of life?

What is that motivates you each day? That gets you out of bed in the morning? That makes you put that ice coffee down and pick up the weights instead?

Why do you go to work today, tomorrow or the next? Why do you see your friends, have a BBQ or go away for the weekend?

What do you want out of your life?

These are some of the questions that have been bubbling around my head more and more often. I am now at the age where my friends are either off travelling or settling down with their partners (some of them are further along in that department than others).

I have travelled, or at least enough that I don't have that "urge" to get "out" that my travelling friends seem to feel.

I don't want to "settle down" either.

So that doesn't leave a lot of options. Ha. What a joke!

I'm a big planner. I like planning and having direction in my life. Most people who come to know me realise this. So they often ask me what plan I am sticking to with my weight loss.

While I agree everyone should have a plan, that they should have strategies and things that they stick to, people also need to work out what works for them. Which is different for everyone, and there is not right or wrong answer.

For me, right now, I am not "planning" so much as "doing" my weight loss. I spent so much time thinking I wanted to lose weight while eating myself into gaining 5kgs. I was thinking so much about going to the gym, about walking each day, about cutting the calories that I never actually did it.

So I stopped thinking about it and started doing it. Obviously there are things I still need to plan and use, there are tricks that I have picked up and use and I plan to stay away from fast food and plan to exercise this week.

But I am not following a plan. Nor do I believe I will succeed if I do. Not for the long term anyways.

This is my life. This is not some short term stint that is supposed to whip me magically into shape and somehow I will be able to follow a no- carb, low sugar, 8 hours of exercise a week diet.

No, this is long term. This is permanent. This is about re-learning how I think about food, exercise and life.

Which brings me back to the question: What do you want out of life? What do I want out of life?

I want to be healthy. I want to be normal. To not be the person who always eats salad when everyone eats a curry. I want to enjoy eating and going out with friends without being self conscious.
I want to enjoy life to the fullest. I want to breathe easier, lift easier, walk easier.

I want sunshine, grass, walks by the river, sweat and tears, muscles, toned arms and stomach. I want to create yummy recipes which are also healthy.

I DON'T want to always be looking over my shoulder. To always count my food or to feel guilty, or unhappy or cheated. I DON'T want to be fat and lonely and left out. I DON'T want to feel like life is passing me by.

So now comes the part where I do what I need to do to make that things I WANT happen.

And that is not counting calories, it is not denying myself. It is going to training at least three times a week and fitting in other sessions when I can. It is making sure I eat my fruit and veg daily. Drinking my water, getting out in the sun, putting myself out there and joining in. It is about me changing my mind and to stop thinking of junk food and large portions as something I need and am entitled to.

To think of quality not quantity. To think that a good coffee and catch up with friends is better (and it is) than sitting at home eating chocolate while watching a DVD. It's about changing my lifestyle not just what I put into my mouth.

And that is what I am doing. I now exercise regularly. I eat good food. I snack less. I eat smaller portions. I think twice about eating junk food, but don't cut myself up if I do.

And my pants and getting bigger and bigger, I am getting stronger and fitter.

This is working for me. It may not work for you. And that's ok.

I'm not planning I am doing.

Setting February Goals

So what are your goals this month?

Despite grabbing Macca's on the way home.. that's Micky D's for you Americans.. I'm feeling pretty good about Feb so far. Possibly because my food intake in general has been really good, lots of fruit and veg, eating my cereal every morning and exercising more.

Less stress is also a huge one! I'm feeling far more relaxed and determined this year, that might sound like a contradiction, but being stress free about other things unblocks my mind to focus on me.

So let's keep that determination going with some monthly goals!

1. Before each training session I want to jog around the park.

So normally before boxing (which is at a park next to my trainers house) she would make us jog around the park as a warm up. I suck at running. I'm too heavy, I haven't done it in a while, and I start panting before I even start running (jks). Anyways I decided that I wanted to get better at this, and to stop myself from being the only one who can't jog the whole thing I would do it every time I go to training. So far so good!

2. Get a massage.

Ok, so probably not what you are expecting right? But I have been reading a few articles lately that say how important it is to treat yourself and your body with things other than food.. and massage was a suggestion. Seeing as I have only ever had a massage once in my life, and because now finally things have settled down and starting to be less stressed I thought it would be really nice to treat me, mum and my sister to a massage.

3. Eat fruit every day.

Ok so I haven't done this every day, but most days so far. I know a lot of people go on about not eating too much fruit, but I am one of those people. The benefits far outweigh any natural sugar you might consume. That and for me it curbs my sugar craving for unhealthy foods such as chocolate. I also really struggle to eat fruit, unless it's in front of me, chopped up and ready to eat, I probably won't eat it. So I want to change that.

4. Simplify my food.

Something I have been noticing lately is that if I reduce the number of ingredients in my food, it is a lot easier to prepare, I know exactly what it's in it,  and often incorporates more of the things that benefits me. Such as having a steak and veg, and no gravy. Having a ham and lettuce sandwich rather than some fancy salad, kebab or other prepared meal that I don't know what it contains. I can also focus more on what I am eating and each flavour involved.

5. Reduce my lunch sizes, increase my snacks.

So I tried increasing my lunch size so that I wouldn't snack outside of the 3 meals and it didn't work. Instead I was eating a massive lunch, dinner and snacks. NOT GOOD! So now I am going to reduce my lunch size and increase the size of my snacks. Clearly I am going to snack no matter what, so I need to make sure I can incorporate this into my diet. For snacks I have the choice of yogurt, fruit or corn cruskits with avocado and ham. 

Woo a few more goals than I thought I would do! But I think each of these are really important and if I can do them, even for just 80% of the time, then I will be in a lot better place by March!

**On a side note, I am finding it difficult to find clothes at the moment, my body shape is changing and what I know used to look good on my shape has now changed. I am also well and truly fitting into size 16 clothes- one of my personal goals, and one step closer to my final goal of getting into a size 14!

Is it worth the guilt?

So lately I have been taking a step back from eating and weight loss. Mostly because I just can't summon up the energy to deal with it all.

I just want to be relaxed and happy and constantly feeling guilty isn't helping.

I mean do I want to over think everything I eat and worry about every bad thing that I put into my mouth? Or think about the consequences of just enjoying myself? NO.

That's just not realistic, or normal, or healthy. And I don't want that.

I am a long way from where I was. I am fitter and exercise more than I probably ever did and am even looking at increasing that after my holiday over Christmas.

I am eating more vegetables and fruit and cut out so much- lollies, chocolate, chips, sugary drinks, fast food.

That doesn't mean I don't ever eat the above, but compared to having something from all of the above every day, I am eating MAYBE one of the above a couple times a week. (Mostly chocolate. Dam that delicious goodness!)

That's good isn't it? Yet I am constantly thinking about how I shouldn't have had those dip and crackers, or those two pieces of chocolate, or that wine. But I did. So deal with it.

I am sick of second guessing myself and making myself feel even worse about something that to many others is just normal eating habits!

So I am taking a step back and just trying to enjoy myself and not over think it too much. This does not mean I am going to lapse back into old habits and all that ( I don't think I could even if I wanted too!) it just means I have to accept I am not perfect and that I can only improve.

I mean for heaven's sake- I am only 23!

Breathe.

Yes I want to lose weight. But I want to do it long term. I don't want to do something drastic and shock my system and lose a massive amount of weight only to put it all back on again when I resume normal eating habits. How is that healthy? How is that going to help me?

It's not. So this is me taking a step back and a deep breathe and try and look at things from a new perspective.

Society Shift

I was reading one of the blogs I follow -Fit to Finish. Diane had written about Fat Acceptance on her blog which raises a controversial topic and one that is heavily talked about within "fat" circles. I have touched on this subject before, but reading it again in Diane's blog made me want to post about it again.

As someone who is overweight and not obese, I do not think my weight has affected me too much, but it HAS affected me and some of my choices in life. Sometimes more because I thought I was fat and shouldn't do something than because I actually physically couldn't do it. I can only imagine how that must feel for someone bigger than what I am.

Recently, I have made myself shift my way of thinking, forcing myself to stop thinking I can't do something, just because I think I shouldn't. But I get off topic.

I believe that people should be accepted for who they are, but that fundamentally as a society we need to shift towards a healthier way of living.

In my generation (Gen-Y) eating fast food, binge drinking, not being able to cook from scratch, energy drinks. Xbox, play stations, TV, iPad, iPhones and tablets are all things we have grown up with and simply what is done. Many people and younger do not know any other way of living. It is affecting our waist line.

So what do we do?

Like any other generation, we resent the comments "Back in my day.. " It is not your day, it is ours and things are very very different. Society has taken a fundamental shift from having to make do with what is in the cupboard, from simply being able to survive- to having excess. To have that feeling of affluence, of having things in our cupboard and going "you know what, I don't feel like that I am going to have this, this and this"

So we create these movements trying to force others to see it OUR way. Believing like every generation before us that WE are the ones that are RIGHT and know better. After all they didn't grow up with all this did they? We think we deserve this. We think that we work hard and deserve to reward ourselves with whatever we want.

But this not right. As anyone who wants to be healthy knows, what you want and what is good for you are two very different things. You want candy, but what good is that going to be for your body? Your body does not need sugar to function.

As a society we need to educate our young people to what is needed and what is not. That exercise is a NECESSITY not a choice. That HEALTH is important and cannot be compromised.

We need to teach children about growing, planting and eating from the garden. How to use those foods in cooking. How they benefit your body. How just like smoking, energy drinks are going to ruin their body. So too is being overweight and obesity. If not now, then in 20 years time as they start to slow down and stress, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and aches and pains start to kick in.

Already struggling to get pregnant, polysystic ovary syndrome and diabetes are kicking in for some of my friends who are overweight. They are only in their early 20's!!

If we as a society do not change, do not decide as a majority that we need to do something now I can only imagine what our future is going to be like.

My size

Part of a huge goal for me is to remove all my plus sized clothing and fit into the "normal" section of the clothing stores.

That means anything above a 16 needs to go.

The other day I managed to fit into a size 16 pair of jeans. And not a very stretchy pair of jeans I might add.

Now that I can fit into those pair of jeans I only own two pairs of pants that are size 18. That's it. Done. My wardrobe now consists of size 16's and size 14's.

I would also like to point out that I am from Australia hence the chart below.

The average size of a woman in Oz is a size 14. So basically I am one size away from being "normal".

How weird does that sound????

The difference is I want to be on the small size of a 14. So basically I want to be closer to a 12 than a 16. More hard work but better for me I think!

I have upped my training, so I am doing 3 sessions a week. One of which is GX boxing, or high energy boxing. It's supposed to help work the arms and legs in a fun way and great for losing weight apparently.

I've already tried it a couple of times to see if I like it and it's intense! But it is good fun, and I did better in it than I thought I would ( always a bonus!)

I am hoping to be down to a healthy size 14 by April next year as that's when my cousin is getting married and when I next see all my family. That and it will be the next time I have to be all dolled up and get some professional photos taken.

I want them to look good. I want to be able to poster them all over my Facebook page and not have to worry about the rolls or the double chins etc.

Wish me luck!

Australia	UK	US
6	6	0-2
8	8	2-4
10	10	4-6
12	12	6-8
14	14	8-10
16	16	10-12

Weekend Confession

This coming Friday is my birthday. I will be 23 years old! Or young. Depending on who you're talking to.

Any who, most of my friends had family things on this coming weekend, so I decided to celebrate early.

My weekend confession:

Thursday night I caught up with my friend for coffee. We talked for hours, it was a great night. Except I didn't eat dinner until 9.30pm and then it was a take away chicken roll (with salad!).

Friday night I went for drinks with the girls after work. I had four drinks and didn't eat again till 10pm- I had two pieces of toast with vegemite (like marmite but not) with cheese.

Saturday I had a big breakfast, two eggs, sunny side up, two pieces of bacon and a big mushroom- Yummy! (But definitely not on my eat every day list)
Then I went shopping and had a coffee AND did not eat lunch.

Then I headed out to a friends house party where several of my friends decided that they were going to get me drunk to celebrate my early birthday.

First of all, I do not normally drink. EVER. It's just not something I do. My friends have never ever seen me be drunk. Yes tipsy, having a good time, socialising, but never ever drunk. I usually just start off keeping up with everyone, then when they get too tipsy to notice if I'm drinking or not, I stop. I don't know why, it is just something I have always done. I think it might have something to do with control and letting go.

Well they saw me drunk on Saturday. Not only did they give me tequila, even when I told them not too! But because I hadn't eaten either. NOT A GOOD THING!

So yes I vomited. They all laughed and thought it was hilarious and now I feel like I have officially lived my youth and they can all stop trying to get me drunk.

It was funny though, as one of the comments I do remember was "What? You don't actually drink at all????!!" Obviously I had tried to tell people that I don't drink and they hadn't believed me. Maybe they just thought I don't drink much, but no, I don't drink at all.

For all that though, I was up at 6am on Sunday, barely a headache and felt fine. I did have a nice snooze in the sun in the afternoon and that was it.

So summary:

I ate very badly, and drank. More than I have in a long time. But I also know that this was a one-off. I don't plan on drinking like this every weekend. It's not my birthday every weekend. I don't want to start getting in bad habits.

On the other hand, this weekend I proved that I have finally started to break eating out of habit- "it's lunch time therefore I must eat lunch". Not because I am actually hungry.

This is something that I have been working on, that and making sure that everything I eat contributes to my overall health. This is something that I used to do a lot when I first lost weight but it has become harder as I struggle to plan and organise meals etc. I also have been under a lot of stress at work which I feel like I have finally been able to let go and relax.

All in all, I feel bad at what I did, but it just makes me feel more determined to do better and go harder. I have been doing really well in training so I feel like I don't want to ruin that with food.

I have even cut back on chocolate lately, and I haven't felt deprived or anything!

So looking forward, not back and here's hoping the next year of my life is positive, healthy and full of achievements!

The dreaded JEANS battle.

So after the last 5 weeks of Personal TrainingI have been feeling amazing- sore- but amazing. As if I am finally found that thing that could get me to my goal weight. Which is great! Because of that I have been more positive and feeling great and feeling like my clothes have been fitting better and all those nice things that comes from more confidence and a slightly better body shape.

Then came Sunday. So Sunday I went shopping with Mum when she suggests I buy some JEANS. Yes, JEANS. Yes it is winter here, and bloody freezing atm, but I have not bought JEANS since 5 years ago when I was at my lowest weight of 80kgs. I have since refused to buy JEANS because of the dreaded task of finding out what size I REALLY am. I mean leggings and stockings and all that don't really have sizes, but JEANS, now they have a number which tell you whether you're skinny or your not.

So in my new found confidence bliss, I said YES. (IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT). Now I am a pear. Which means my bottom half is always going to be bigger. At my skinniest I could fit into size 12 tops, and size 16 jeans. Now I'm probably and 14/16 on top (depending on the top of course) and now that I have tried on JEANS again I know I am about a size 18 on bottom.

Now being size 18 isn't actually a problem for me, I have been much bigger ( size 20- 22) and I know that means I am only two sizes away from my goal JEAN size, size 14. Still. All that wonderful confidence bliss went out the window when I realised I was a size 18, and not even a good size 18, where they look amazing and you can imagine losing a couple of kilos and you'll be a 16. I mean button straining across the stomach size 18. Sigh.

Then came personal training on Monday. And all this was bubbling around in my head, how after all this hard work and I still can't look good in JEANS. Because while I am doing it all for fitness and health and those nice reasons. My one vain dream of losing weight is that I want to look good in a pair JEANS.

So a little background on me and my relationship with the dreaded denim pants aka JEANS.
Being a bigger girl always, and being a pear shaped bigger girl, and being a tall pear shaped bigger girl, meant that finding a pair of Jeans that actually fit, comfortably and looked good and came down to the back of my heel instead of some sort of ankle cut offs was IMPOSSIBLE. I never ever looked good in Jeans and was comfortable at the same time. Always the dreaded camel toe, or too tight, or too short would come into it. And then of course I was always so uncomfortable with my size to go into other shops other than department stores, so there goes any cool designer Jeans like my friends. So some time in my late teens entering adulthood I just stopped wearing Jeans- and wallah the whole issue with sizes and putting myself through that self hate that comes with trying on several pairs of Jeans and only the biggest most stretchiest ones fit.. ENDED. It was great.

Which means of course that I am filled with the longing of having something that I can't have.. a nice pair of fitted JEANS that look good on me.

ANYWAYS... back to training on Monday. SO basically I went as hard as I could go. And almost ended up on the floor crying. It was just so hard, and the harder it was the more I realised how unfit I was and how far I had to go. I mean I don't expect to get results within a month but I realised that even if I have come a long way, I still have an even longer way to go to get to the fitness level I want to be at.

SO now to decide whether to forget that the JEANS incident ever happened and go back to happy confidence bliss or to try and use it to motivate me to train harder while inside I'm still sad and disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals. Sigh.

What would you do?

Memory Lane and lots of Pain.

That is what I am expecting this afternoon as I watch the clock creep up to 6pm. Tonight is my first personal training session, and I am expecting to be crippled tomorrow.

On one hand I am excited as I am starting to get motivated and in the swing of things again, eating better, and wanting to excercise, and now hopefully do things better with some guidance.

However I know this will not be easy, I know this will be painful.

Saying that I have been going through some of my old notes, stored on this computer, from when I first started this journey in November 2011.

I am surprised to see how much progress I have made, when I feel that I haven't progressed at all, especially when it comes to food.

Foods to eliminate: 

Chocolate- I have just gone through a month without chocolate and no longer feel the cravings I used to
Alcohol- Only drink at special occasions.
Artificial Sweeteners-
Chips, lollies, sweets- I have cut down on these dramatically. I can't even remember the last time I had a packet of chips..
Soft drink-A work in progress..

Foods to be avoided:
Full Fat Dairy Products- Done :)
Juice
White flour foods such as baked goods, bread, pastries etc -Besides bread, I have pretty much eliminated the rest!!


Foods to limit:
Dairy- I only have milk in my coffee, and the occassional yoghurt or piece of cheese now :)
Coffee- hmmm not sure I'm EVER going to kick this habit...
Foods to increase:
Vegetables- Check
Fruits- CheckHealthy Protein- CheckHerbs, spices- working on it
Legumes- working on it

Goals for losing weight: Here is where I have struggled. Now to readjust my goals.

July 1st December 2011: 8kgs                  Smallest I have been in almost 3 years :(
Challenge: Jog for 5 minutes without panting.
Reward: A new handbag.

August 5th February 2012: 16kgs
Be able to fit into old “skinny” clothes auch as jeans, shorts etc
Challenge: Finish a 8km Obstacle course
Reward: Day Spa Treatment.
September 16th  March 2012: 20kgs
As skinny as I was when I came back from Sweden. Time to reminisce!
Also MY BIRTHDAY!!
Challenge: Do 50 "real" push ups with ease.
Reward: Buying a new pair of Jeans. I haven't bough jeans in about 3 years..

October 28th May 2012: 25kgs
Unchartered Territory! It’s time to start thinking about where to go from here..
Challenge: Jog for 10 kms.
Reward: Burn all of my old clothes! Have a party to celebrate!

November 25th July 2012: 30kgs
SOOOO Close! Time to start thinking about new clothes/style!
Challenge: Go Bungy Jumping
Reward: SHOPPING SPREE!!!
Total: 30kgs by the end November 2012 :)

What do you think, am I being realistic? Do I need to give myself more time?

Diet Tweaks

So after almost a week of eating my so called diet, I need to make a few tweaks, mostly due to my inability to stick to my diet .. yes yes I know. I've only been on it for a few days and I can't even stick to it for that long! I have girls at my work on protein diet, organic diets, sugar free diets for weeks now and have managed to lose kilos. Unfortunately I'm just not one of them.

So tweaks I think I need to make:

More filling breakfast: Today I had a Turkish roll with avocado, 2 boiled eggs, a smear of cream cheese: toasted. It was A-Mazing. And filling. I also had my standard coffee.

Results? I didn't feel hungry till about 11 am. ( I usually have brekky about 8am) so that's pretty good.

Morning Tea: So I have been eating my two apples, sliced each morning and that has been going well. Something I could stick with.

But to make my diet better, I have added a glass of V8 juice (1 fruit, two veg in each glass- or so it says) and I think I will add a carrot as well and see how that goes.

Benefits: I eat 3 serves of fruit and 3 serves of veg before it's lunchtime. Which is good if I end up foods with less veg later. Also I don't eat fruit if it's not in the morning. I'm weird that way..
I know having juice is bad for you, however I don't drink any other liquids besides coffee and water most days so I feel that this ok. At least until I get in the habit of eating better, then maybe I won't need the juice :)

Lunch: Is going well. I was having salad roll and ham. However I find that it doesn't fill me up very much. So I think I will try and add more protein to the meal. Maybe a serve of chicken instead of ham or an egg or something so that I can make it that bit longer till dinner time.

Afternoon. I was snacking on lollies because lunch didn't fill me up, however I'm hoping that by increasing the protein in my lunch that this will deter unhealthy snacking. I have also started eating yoghurt again, so will try and eat a small tub of yoghurt if I do feel the need to snack.

Dinner: Is going well. Gradually lowering portion size and reducing snacking before and after dinner is cooking. I find that if I cook, I am less likely to snack. Not sure why, maybe because I am distracted by the process of cooking rather than drooking from the smells from the kitchen.

I will try and put this into place next week and see whether the tweaks help :) I have noticed that lately I have been sleeping better, my skin is clearing up again and I have more energy (probably due to a good nights sleep) so I am going to keep giving this a go until it works!!!