So it's been a week since I moved out of home and have been settling into my own home and way of life. All I can say is, I think this is going to work for me.
I don't know what it is, but I honestly feel like I have more time during the week, and less time over the weekend. Possibly because that's when visitors come a-calling.
Eating has been ace. I have had a bit of a wake up call on how much I actually eat. It's actually a lot less than I thought! So I have had so much leftovers this week. The upside is that I have not had to buy lunch and thus am saving money. Sunday I used up some leftover chicken and made a massive curry. Normally this would feed the family (of 4) but for me it was dinner, lunch and leftovers which I spooned into some ramekins and made pies. I wrapped these in alfoil and chucked them in the freezer for lunches during the week.
I also made some banana bread and brownies and froze half of each for another day. The rest were devoured by all my guests on the weekend. Which I am grateful for. Less for me to graze on!
One thing I am prone to, is to snack on unhealthy foods when bored. So once I finish off the unhealthy stuff in the cupboard I am determined not to buy more and just focus on fruit and other healthy snacks.
My diet during the week at work has very much been: Porridge with full cream milk and small sprinkling of cinnamon and brown sugar. Fruit for morning tea- usually a couple of apples or a punnet of strawberries. Left overs for lunch and another snack in the afternoon. I am trying to work it that I just drink tea or coffee instead of snacks in the afternoon and really pack my dinners and lunches with as much veggies as possible. Trying!
My diet is all about trying to find something that works for me and my budget. Fills me up. Is easy. And also is as nutritionally dense as possible. So a lot of home cooking and vegies and fruit. So far it's going well and I am excited to try some new things and work in veggies in a more imaginative way. I really do love being creative and cooking is definitely a passion of mine. The upside of living out of home is that there is less work to be done, and I don't need to cater for everyone's tastes, so I can make stuff that I want and eat. Winning!
Lot's to do this week, heaps of stuff that I need to get sorted with the house and still trying to get into a routine with exercise etc. I thought mornings might have been the way to go, but I think I like the idea of going for a nice walk at the end of the day to clear my head before coming back and getting into the kitchen for dinner. We'll see.
All I can say, is that while I haven't been exercising as much as I used to, I don't feel heavy/bloated like I used to and actually have a bit of energy. I have noticed a slight gain around the hips, but I'm hoping that as I really concentrate on my diet and upping my exercise I can get rid of that and get back to losing weight. Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label image. Show all posts
Sunday, 12 October 2014
Thursday, 7 August 2014
Confidence; Do you have it and how do you show it?
I read a blog today where the author writes 10 things that she would like the confidence to do, a bucket list for confident activities.
It made me think about what makes us seem confident, and what we consider an activity that confident people do.
One of the items on the list was walking with eyes and head up right. Not downcast.
Now I am a confident person. I am confident in my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, I am confident that I know who I am and what I am capable of, and that it is not related to my body. Mostly. So for me, walking eyes up front is not something I would consider as being on my bucket list. I do it most days.
I think it also comes back to the philosophy of facing things head on- shoulders up, back straight and face your fears. I am the sort of person who realises my flaws and tries to work on them. To show that I am more than my fears and eventually overcomes them. For example; as an introvert, I hate crowds of random people and struggle to start a conversation. So one night I went out on the town by myself, went to a bar, sat down and tried to make a conversation with some randoms. It was a great night and it made me feel so much more confident in myself and my abilities.
Another lady mentioned that they wish they could wear a bikini in public. I actually did this in summer. Originally I had a t-shirt on over the top but it was annoying and baggy and was going to take my forever to get dry. So I was like you know what, I don't give a damn, and took it off. And swam and had a ball and even got a few glances from some males. No one glared or looked away disgusted. No one got up and left or looked me up and down as if to say 'you're wearing that?'. It was just another reminder to me, which is happening more and more, that for everyone person who bullies and bashes being chubby there are so many more who don't care. Who have family, friends, partners, colleagues who look like I do and all they really want is for you to be happy and get on with life.
It's heartening, encouraging and inspiring.
So what do I want the confidence to be able to do? I want the confidence to wear sexy clothing and not worry about my cellulite or stretchmarks or saggy belly (damn you weight loss!). I want the confidence to look someone in the eye and say 'Fuck you, I am beautiful too'. I want the confidence to be myself without having to worry about what people think, without worrying that I need to justify myself. I want the confidence to jog down the street and puff and pant and simply relish being able to run, not worry about the people will be looking at everything 'jiggling'.
Simple things, but important ones to me. So what does confidence mean to you?
It made me think about what makes us seem confident, and what we consider an activity that confident people do.
One of the items on the list was walking with eyes and head up right. Not downcast.
Now I am a confident person. I am confident in my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, I am confident that I know who I am and what I am capable of, and that it is not related to my body. Mostly. So for me, walking eyes up front is not something I would consider as being on my bucket list. I do it most days.
I think it also comes back to the philosophy of facing things head on- shoulders up, back straight and face your fears. I am the sort of person who realises my flaws and tries to work on them. To show that I am more than my fears and eventually overcomes them. For example; as an introvert, I hate crowds of random people and struggle to start a conversation. So one night I went out on the town by myself, went to a bar, sat down and tried to make a conversation with some randoms. It was a great night and it made me feel so much more confident in myself and my abilities.
Another lady mentioned that they wish they could wear a bikini in public. I actually did this in summer. Originally I had a t-shirt on over the top but it was annoying and baggy and was going to take my forever to get dry. So I was like you know what, I don't give a damn, and took it off. And swam and had a ball and even got a few glances from some males. No one glared or looked away disgusted. No one got up and left or looked me up and down as if to say 'you're wearing that?'. It was just another reminder to me, which is happening more and more, that for everyone person who bullies and bashes being chubby there are so many more who don't care. Who have family, friends, partners, colleagues who look like I do and all they really want is for you to be happy and get on with life.
It's heartening, encouraging and inspiring.
So what do I want the confidence to be able to do? I want the confidence to wear sexy clothing and not worry about my cellulite or stretchmarks or saggy belly (damn you weight loss!). I want the confidence to look someone in the eye and say 'Fuck you, I am beautiful too'. I want the confidence to be myself without having to worry about what people think, without worrying that I need to justify myself. I want the confidence to jog down the street and puff and pant and simply relish being able to run, not worry about the people will be looking at everything 'jiggling'.
Simple things, but important ones to me. So what does confidence mean to you?
Tuesday, 22 April 2014
Been a while
So it's been a while since my last post. A lot has been going on, with work and personal life and all those things that creep up on you.
In my last post I went on about how I needed to adjust my diet and really get of the carb wagon.
Since then I went quite seriously off carbs for a few weeks and then life got in the way and I went away and it became hard to control my food intake. BUT I have not gone back to what I was before and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.
The reason being is that I noticed such a big difference in how I felt during those weeks, and also in how my stomach and intestine felt, and really noticed a difference in my energy levels as well.
I am still not eating too much gluten, trying to avoid it but for the occasional toast or sandwich, same with my dairy, and I am still reaping the benefits inside. Just not as much as before.
Other than that everything has been on track. I have had some incredibly stressful moments over the last few months but they have come to pass now, so it's time to take a moment for myself and really get back to being the healthiest and most rested I can be.
Key to getting through these moments have been in taking time out to paint, or draw, or to simply duck down to the beach or away for a picnic. Actually embracing the moment and getting outside is really beneficial to my moods and stress levels. I feel like I've actually achieved something and gotten away from things, even if only for a short while.
Another big moment happened a few weeks ago, a friend of mine and myself decided to join in the Perth skinny dip to try and crack the Guinness book of records and to also raise awareness and funds for those with eating disorders and mental illness. It was a fantastic event and I am so proud that we did something like that. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, but still such a huge achievement to be able to show my my bare body to so many people.
Such a big part of how happy we are is on the inside, inside our heads, not just the way we look on the outside of the number on the scale and it's important to acknowledge that and work on our own self worth and appreciation long before we make our goal weight.
In my last post I went on about how I needed to adjust my diet and really get of the carb wagon.
Since then I went quite seriously off carbs for a few weeks and then life got in the way and I went away and it became hard to control my food intake. BUT I have not gone back to what I was before and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.
The reason being is that I noticed such a big difference in how I felt during those weeks, and also in how my stomach and intestine felt, and really noticed a difference in my energy levels as well.
I am still not eating too much gluten, trying to avoid it but for the occasional toast or sandwich, same with my dairy, and I am still reaping the benefits inside. Just not as much as before.
Other than that everything has been on track. I have had some incredibly stressful moments over the last few months but they have come to pass now, so it's time to take a moment for myself and really get back to being the healthiest and most rested I can be.
Key to getting through these moments have been in taking time out to paint, or draw, or to simply duck down to the beach or away for a picnic. Actually embracing the moment and getting outside is really beneficial to my moods and stress levels. I feel like I've actually achieved something and gotten away from things, even if only for a short while.
Another big moment happened a few weeks ago, a friend of mine and myself decided to join in the Perth skinny dip to try and crack the Guinness book of records and to also raise awareness and funds for those with eating disorders and mental illness. It was a fantastic event and I am so proud that we did something like that. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, but still such a huge achievement to be able to show my my bare body to so many people.
Such a big part of how happy we are is on the inside, inside our heads, not just the way we look on the outside of the number on the scale and it's important to acknowledge that and work on our own self worth and appreciation long before we make our goal weight.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
2014, My Year, My Way.
So I have been training for quite a while now, almost 2 years now. Yet I probably only shifted 15kgs and am still struggling with running the stairs on Thursday afternoons.
In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.
The difference? Diet.
I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.
I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.
I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).
Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.
Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.
It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).
The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.
I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!
I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.
If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.
Wish me luck!
In comparisons one of the girls who started 6 months before me has lost 35kgs and is running loops around the rest of us.
The difference? Diet.
I have been touching on this again and again, my diet is my weakness. And it is costing me.
I keep thinking that if I trained hard enough I am doing enough to change my body. I keep thinking that I am tired and stressed and don't have the will power to stick with a strict diet.
I keep thinking that I can get away with still eating a block of chocolate or a bag of chips (every now and then).
Sure, my diet has been improving, I have cut out most junk food and bad foods. But I cave as soon as the going gets tough and still have a lot of things that probably aren't good for me.
Last night I was comparing myself and this other girl and realised that the only real difference is me. My inability, my weakness to let go of my old life and foods and to really change my lifestyle and nutrition.
It means putting more time and effort into my food choices. It will mean more grocery shopping and prepping and planning to stay on track. But in the end I wil be better for it and perhaps I can finally move on from the 99kg mark and get down to 80kgs (my goal).
The biggest thing I am concentrating on is not eating so much carbs. I am not cutting out carbs completely, but I think by reducing my bread (especially) in take, I will force myself to look to more nutritional sources of food to fill me up; such as beans, vegies or fruit.
I am going to create a reward sheet and track how many days I can stick to it, I just need to think of something really good to reward myself with so I can stick with it!
I will also start training more. So many of the girls try to fit in more workouts when they can, I need and can do that too. I just need to suck it up and realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I really wanted to be a size 12/14, then I would make the changes I needed to make.
If I really want to be healthy, if I really wanted to change, I will do this for myself.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, 5 February 2014
The benefits of losing weight- shopping!
I had forgotten how good it feels to be able to fit into smaller clothes. To see something nice in a shop and think, oh that looks like it will fit- and it does.
I had forgotten how much I avoid certain shops, because their clothes were on the smaller side.
I had forgotten how much I relied on stretchy fabric and flowing designs to hide my figure.
Yesterday reminded me how much I had changed.
Yesterday I was looking in Myer and killing some time when I happened to be walking through Cue and noticed some stunning dresses. Dresses that I would not have looked at before this journey. Dresses that I still thought I probably wouldn't fit into- even if it said a size 16!
Anyways, I decided to try it on. What the hell. If it didn't fit then at least that was motivation to continue on my journey.
They didn't have a 16, only a 14. And this was not a stretchy fabric or loose dress. This was fitted around the boobs and waist before flairing out around the hips- perfect for my pear shaped figure.
I pulled the zip up and it stopped and I turned to check the back, wondering how far I had gotten, imagining that it had snagged just above my waist (where I flair back out again). And realised that the zip was at the top of the dress!
You cannot imagine how excited I was.
IT FIT!
I was in a size 14, fitted, amazing, gorgeous dress from a brand that I had always loved but thought I would never wear.
AMAZING.
I was on a shopping high.
As someone that has been slowly losing weight, you often don't notice the transformation as much as others around you.
This was one of those moments when you just need to do a happy dance and be grateful for all the hardwork that you've done. Wearing that dress is definitely worth it!
I had forgotten how much I avoid certain shops, because their clothes were on the smaller side.
I had forgotten how much I relied on stretchy fabric and flowing designs to hide my figure.
Yesterday reminded me how much I had changed.
Yesterday I was looking in Myer and killing some time when I happened to be walking through Cue and noticed some stunning dresses. Dresses that I would not have looked at before this journey. Dresses that I still thought I probably wouldn't fit into- even if it said a size 16!
Anyways, I decided to try it on. What the hell. If it didn't fit then at least that was motivation to continue on my journey.
They didn't have a 16, only a 14. And this was not a stretchy fabric or loose dress. This was fitted around the boobs and waist before flairing out around the hips- perfect for my pear shaped figure.
I pulled the zip up and it stopped and I turned to check the back, wondering how far I had gotten, imagining that it had snagged just above my waist (where I flair back out again). And realised that the zip was at the top of the dress!
You cannot imagine how excited I was.
IT FIT!
I was in a size 14, fitted, amazing, gorgeous dress from a brand that I had always loved but thought I would never wear.
AMAZING.
I was on a shopping high.
As someone that has been slowly losing weight, you often don't notice the transformation as much as others around you.
This was one of those moments when you just need to do a happy dance and be grateful for all the hardwork that you've done. Wearing that dress is definitely worth it!
Monday, 20 January 2014
Retreat
It's hard for me to face the world. All I want to do is block it all out and focus on my thoughts. To try and figure myself out before I deal with people and their comments and looks and judgement.
It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.
Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.
They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.
It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.
No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.
Enough is enough.
Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.
So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.
So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.
It doesn't matter whether the comments are said out loud. It's all in a look, a gesture, a raised eyebrow or a turning away. That disappointment. They are disappointed in me.
Recently I took the plunge and joined online dating. After about 2 months, I've deleted my profile. I just can't handle it. The talking, the getting to know someone, developing that connection and finally meeting them. Then disappointment.
They are nice, they are sweet, they still talk to me and we become friends. But I am not what they are looking for, I am not what they are expecting. I am a disappointment, a failure.
It doesn't matter whether that's realistic or not. Whether I am imagining things, or whether I am being over the top. It's the first thing that comes into my head and it's the feeling that has accompanied almost all my dates.
No more. I am sick of this feeling. Sick of failing or the looks. Of being heartsore and lonely.
Enough is enough.
Enough moping. So you haven't met someone? So what. That just means more time with your friends, more time with family, more time working on your dream body and exercising and embracing life.
So what if people look at you for being the 'single' friend. The loner. Screw them. Life is meant to be lived, not spent waiting around for someone to make you feel 'special'.
So right now, it may look like I am retreating from the world, from dating and men. Again. But this time I am retreating in order to regroup, refocus and channel my energy. On me. The one who actually needs it.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013
What's in my head
I am a big thinker. I think, I analyse, I think again. Sometimes I will get so sick of thinking that I will just make a snap decision and do something. It's annoying, it's frustrating, it's who I am.
At the moment I have a few things going on in my brain that I just need to get out somewhere.
Dating
Ok, not the topic you were thinking of right? I have started dating again after starting to feel happier about myself and where I am with my body. I have been on a few dates and met some nice guys.. but no spark. No sizzle. No.. anything.
In the past, part of the reason I didn't date much was that I always assumed that the reason I hadn't met anyone was because of me. It was me that needed to be fixed or wasn't quite right or at my best. It was because I was too fat, too shy, liked my books over walks etc etc.
Now I am right back at that same spot again and all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and refocus on getting me 'right'. Fixing all my problems in time to me the right one.
How insane does that sound? And yet I am struggling to not give in again.
Diet
I am struggling more and more with dairy. Everything I eat seems to make me sick, which in turn makes me unhappy and feeling gross which makes me either want to just lay down and not move or find some sort of food that doesn't make me sick.
Plus I have been super stressed and tired lately (Headache's again argh) and this means that I haven't been making lunches and snacks like I normally would. I have been spending a bit more money so that I buy healthier options, but sometimes I just slip.
This doesn't make me happy. I WANT to do better. I WANT to be healthier. I WANT to lose that last bit of weight and get down to a happy size 14. And yet I can't seem to summon up the energy or enthusiasm to be able to follow through.
So I am going to go see a naturopath and see whether they can help me with my dietary problems and hopefully put me on the right path.
Family
I am so sick of my family at the moment. Mostly my Sister and her Partner. They are on a massive health fix at the moment and it is driving me insane.
They will spend up to $250 on food for one person in a week. How insane is that!!!
That's because her Partner is on some high protein diet and he eats good quality steak like 4 times a day. I don't know how he isn't sick of it yet.
It seems to be working for them and I am happy for them. But oh my god I just wish they would be more considerate. They constantly judge us on what food we eat, because it might have some cheese or pasta in it. They cook for themselves and not the rest of us. But when we cook there's a 50/50 chance of them eating. You just never know. It's just not fair.
And it is so frustrating hearing them tell me what I should be doing. Just because they have had some success on a radical fad diet does not mean they have the right or the knowledge to tell me how to lose weight. I am doing it the right way, with diet and exercise and losing weight consistently over long term.
These are just a few of the swirls of thoughts going round my head. There is more, like travel plans, problems with friends, work, work and more work... it just keeps going and I feel like I barely have a chance to breathe and catch up and get myself in a good place again. I feel like I don't have time to relax and concentrate on me. Just me. No one else.
I hope I can find some time soon to stop and relax. To process and refocus. Soon, please.
At the moment I have a few things going on in my brain that I just need to get out somewhere.
Dating
Ok, not the topic you were thinking of right? I have started dating again after starting to feel happier about myself and where I am with my body. I have been on a few dates and met some nice guys.. but no spark. No sizzle. No.. anything.
In the past, part of the reason I didn't date much was that I always assumed that the reason I hadn't met anyone was because of me. It was me that needed to be fixed or wasn't quite right or at my best. It was because I was too fat, too shy, liked my books over walks etc etc.
Now I am right back at that same spot again and all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and refocus on getting me 'right'. Fixing all my problems in time to me the right one.
How insane does that sound? And yet I am struggling to not give in again.
Diet
I am struggling more and more with dairy. Everything I eat seems to make me sick, which in turn makes me unhappy and feeling gross which makes me either want to just lay down and not move or find some sort of food that doesn't make me sick.
Plus I have been super stressed and tired lately (Headache's again argh) and this means that I haven't been making lunches and snacks like I normally would. I have been spending a bit more money so that I buy healthier options, but sometimes I just slip.
This doesn't make me happy. I WANT to do better. I WANT to be healthier. I WANT to lose that last bit of weight and get down to a happy size 14. And yet I can't seem to summon up the energy or enthusiasm to be able to follow through.
So I am going to go see a naturopath and see whether they can help me with my dietary problems and hopefully put me on the right path.
Family
I am so sick of my family at the moment. Mostly my Sister and her Partner. They are on a massive health fix at the moment and it is driving me insane.
They will spend up to $250 on food for one person in a week. How insane is that!!!
That's because her Partner is on some high protein diet and he eats good quality steak like 4 times a day. I don't know how he isn't sick of it yet.
It seems to be working for them and I am happy for them. But oh my god I just wish they would be more considerate. They constantly judge us on what food we eat, because it might have some cheese or pasta in it. They cook for themselves and not the rest of us. But when we cook there's a 50/50 chance of them eating. You just never know. It's just not fair.
And it is so frustrating hearing them tell me what I should be doing. Just because they have had some success on a radical fad diet does not mean they have the right or the knowledge to tell me how to lose weight. I am doing it the right way, with diet and exercise and losing weight consistently over long term.
These are just a few of the swirls of thoughts going round my head. There is more, like travel plans, problems with friends, work, work and more work... it just keeps going and I feel like I barely have a chance to breathe and catch up and get myself in a good place again. I feel like I don't have time to relax and concentrate on me. Just me. No one else.
I hope I can find some time soon to stop and relax. To process and refocus. Soon, please.
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
Simple is the new mantra of Summer.
Finally we have some sunshine here in Perth! You can't imagine how happy that makes me!
I'm a real morning and daylight person. I pretty much go into hibernate mode as soon as the cold, night, chill creeps in. I'm sure you can appreciate how this might slow me down and affect my weight loss.. except this year I made a conscious effort to not skip my workouts. To make sure that I at least went to as many as I could unless I was sick and to eat a lot more soups than other comfort foods.
And it worked! Out of all my trainers clients she says I have made the most improvements this year, going from 2x 30min session and one boxing session late last year, to upping it to first 2 x hour long sessions, then adding the 2 boxing sessions and finally adding in the stairs session as well, as I realised I needed to keep pushing myself.
I now train a minimum of 3 times a week, often 5 times a week (group classes are cancelled from time to time due to numbers). And I feel great for it. I have noticed a huge improvement in my fitness and overall well being and stamina. Especially since starting doing the stairs. I have also lost cm's as proven by my clothes and need for new ones.
Something I realised is that if I didn't push myself over winter, it was only going to make it harder in summer. Because then I would have had the extra kgs over winter to lose as well, and less time to lose it.
While numbers on the scale is not what I am really care about, being able to look good and feel good in my clothes is. I want to be healthy. In all senses of the word.
As always, I am constantly tweaking and cutting back. I am not one of those people who can go all or nothing, instead I focus on one part of my diet and work hard to make that part right. Once I am used to say, not drinking soft drink or cutting back on coffee, then I tweak my diet somewhere else.
Eventually I would like to say that I create all my meals myself, including sauces and condiments, and that it is as organically produced as possible.
At the moment I have started concentrating on increasing my protein, but cutting back on my meat. I truly believe that we eat too much meat. Especially as both lunches and dinner can include meat of some sort, plus we eat larger portions than what we should. There is also a cost factor, which as someone soon to be a first home buyer, I need to keep in mind.
So at the moment I have been concentrating on not eating meat for lunch- by meat I mean I would usually eat chicken or ham in a sandwich. Instead I have been focusing on having vegetarian sandwich's with eggs and salad or roast vegetables or salmon with salad.
Since doing this I have felt unbelievably better. It took me a while to understand what the source was, but I eventually realised that by not eating meat so often I felt lighter and healthier. I was naturally eating more vegetables to help keep me full and this was also in turn making me want more healthy, vegetable laden meals.
Not to say that I am now eating vegetables with every meal and pretty much a vegetarian. I'm not. As I live at home, I often have limited choices with meals. But all in all my diet is much better than what it was.
My next step will be to improve my snacks (which aren't bad, but I need something a bit more filling so I'm not tempted by that piece of chocolate in the afternoon) and start improving dinners.
Other things, non-diet related, that I have been working on, is getting back in touch with my creative side. I am proud to say that I have started painting again and that this makes me amazingly happy and relaxed on the weekends.
I also have decided 'simple' is going to be mantra this summer. Simple living, simple clothes, simple room, simple meals, simple lifestyle. Nothing complicated or hard. Nothing cluttered and meaningless. Quality over quantity, essentially. No more wasting time or money on cheap jewellery or clothes when I can buy one good pair of jeans or dress which will last longer and do more for me.
It's time to start appreciating the small things in life; sunshine, friends, family. Not spending money on material possessions.
It's time to keep things Simple. :)
I'm a real morning and daylight person. I pretty much go into hibernate mode as soon as the cold, night, chill creeps in. I'm sure you can appreciate how this might slow me down and affect my weight loss.. except this year I made a conscious effort to not skip my workouts. To make sure that I at least went to as many as I could unless I was sick and to eat a lot more soups than other comfort foods.
And it worked! Out of all my trainers clients she says I have made the most improvements this year, going from 2x 30min session and one boxing session late last year, to upping it to first 2 x hour long sessions, then adding the 2 boxing sessions and finally adding in the stairs session as well, as I realised I needed to keep pushing myself.
I now train a minimum of 3 times a week, often 5 times a week (group classes are cancelled from time to time due to numbers). And I feel great for it. I have noticed a huge improvement in my fitness and overall well being and stamina. Especially since starting doing the stairs. I have also lost cm's as proven by my clothes and need for new ones.
Something I realised is that if I didn't push myself over winter, it was only going to make it harder in summer. Because then I would have had the extra kgs over winter to lose as well, and less time to lose it.
While numbers on the scale is not what I am really care about, being able to look good and feel good in my clothes is. I want to be healthy. In all senses of the word.
As always, I am constantly tweaking and cutting back. I am not one of those people who can go all or nothing, instead I focus on one part of my diet and work hard to make that part right. Once I am used to say, not drinking soft drink or cutting back on coffee, then I tweak my diet somewhere else.
Eventually I would like to say that I create all my meals myself, including sauces and condiments, and that it is as organically produced as possible.
At the moment I have started concentrating on increasing my protein, but cutting back on my meat. I truly believe that we eat too much meat. Especially as both lunches and dinner can include meat of some sort, plus we eat larger portions than what we should. There is also a cost factor, which as someone soon to be a first home buyer, I need to keep in mind.
So at the moment I have been concentrating on not eating meat for lunch- by meat I mean I would usually eat chicken or ham in a sandwich. Instead I have been focusing on having vegetarian sandwich's with eggs and salad or roast vegetables or salmon with salad.
Since doing this I have felt unbelievably better. It took me a while to understand what the source was, but I eventually realised that by not eating meat so often I felt lighter and healthier. I was naturally eating more vegetables to help keep me full and this was also in turn making me want more healthy, vegetable laden meals.
Not to say that I am now eating vegetables with every meal and pretty much a vegetarian. I'm not. As I live at home, I often have limited choices with meals. But all in all my diet is much better than what it was.
My next step will be to improve my snacks (which aren't bad, but I need something a bit more filling so I'm not tempted by that piece of chocolate in the afternoon) and start improving dinners.
Other things, non-diet related, that I have been working on, is getting back in touch with my creative side. I am proud to say that I have started painting again and that this makes me amazingly happy and relaxed on the weekends.
I also have decided 'simple' is going to be mantra this summer. Simple living, simple clothes, simple room, simple meals, simple lifestyle. Nothing complicated or hard. Nothing cluttered and meaningless. Quality over quantity, essentially. No more wasting time or money on cheap jewellery or clothes when I can buy one good pair of jeans or dress which will last longer and do more for me.
It's time to start appreciating the small things in life; sunshine, friends, family. Not spending money on material possessions.
It's time to keep things Simple. :)
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Something that hurts
Something that always manages to hurt is other people's snide comments about what I eat. They seem to think that because they catch me eating a piece of chocolate or some hot chips that it gives them the right to criticise what I am doing.
They seem to think that just because I am not 100% sugar free, wheat free, dairy free etc etc that I don't eat healthy. That I am not doing 'enough'.
It makes me so angry and then it makes me sad.
Because every time I hear those comments I wonder why I don't push myself more, why I don't make those simply changes. Why I don't go harder, faster, longer...
It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. As if I'm the failure.
Despite going from not exercising at all to exercising 5 times a week.
From constantly snacking in my room after dinner to not snacking after dinner at all.
From barely touching fruit to eating fruit every morning, and feeling weird when I don't.
From skipping breakfast to eating cereal or wholegrain toast with boiled eggs every morning.
From shovelling fast food into me while in my car when I was hungry but too ashamed for anyone to see what I was eating.
From having fast food almost every week to less than once a month.
From drinking soft drink or juice every week to next to nothing.
From cutting back my meat consumption and increasing my fish and vegetables.
From going from someone who was about to go into a size 20 pants to someone who has to now go into a size 16. One size away from my goal.
From someone who was ashamed and disgusted with themselves and what their body looked like to someone who has finally rediscovered their confidence and joy in life. Who is HAPPY and who is HEALTHY and who is constantly improving.
Yes I am not 100% organic, sugar and wheat free. But my god I am a billion times better than what I was .
So SHUT THE F*** UP.
They seem to think that just because I am not 100% sugar free, wheat free, dairy free etc etc that I don't eat healthy. That I am not doing 'enough'.
It makes me so angry and then it makes me sad.
Because every time I hear those comments I wonder why I don't push myself more, why I don't make those simply changes. Why I don't go harder, faster, longer...
It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. As if I'm the failure.
Despite going from not exercising at all to exercising 5 times a week.
From constantly snacking in my room after dinner to not snacking after dinner at all.
From barely touching fruit to eating fruit every morning, and feeling weird when I don't.
From skipping breakfast to eating cereal or wholegrain toast with boiled eggs every morning.
From shovelling fast food into me while in my car when I was hungry but too ashamed for anyone to see what I was eating.
From having fast food almost every week to less than once a month.
From drinking soft drink or juice every week to next to nothing.
From cutting back my meat consumption and increasing my fish and vegetables.
From going from someone who was about to go into a size 20 pants to someone who has to now go into a size 16. One size away from my goal.
From someone who was ashamed and disgusted with themselves and what their body looked like to someone who has finally rediscovered their confidence and joy in life. Who is HAPPY and who is HEALTHY and who is constantly improving.
Yes I am not 100% organic, sugar and wheat free. But my god I am a billion times better than what I was .
So SHUT THE F*** UP.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Mixing it up and increasing my sessions: bring on the new me!
So I have swapped my workout routine around. Hopefully it should help me to fit more workouts in overall.
What did I change?
Well normally I work out 4-5 times a week between 5.30-6.30pm, this included 2 x PT sessions, 2x GX boxing sessions and an occasional stairs session.
But often what happens is something will come up at work or I'll be invited out by friends after work which often results in a) cancelling my session or b) missing out on being with friends.
Also recently I have started volunteering with my local shire to help with an October event and they meet at Wednesday's at 6.30 pm.
So to stop myself from the temptation of cancelling my sessions and so that I can enjoy some free time after work to meet friends and get those annoying chores out of the way I have swapped my 2 PT sessions from Mon + Wed @ 5.30pm to Tues and Thurs @ 6am.
For the first time I will be working out in the morning.. this is going to be interesting!
I feel good about it though because I am less likely to cancel in the morning and it doesn't change my routine too much at all. I already get up at 6, so now I just get up a little bit earlier for my workout and get to work later.
I eventually want to get into a routine of working out every morning, even if it is as little as a walk/jog around the block in the mornings. I'll start slow and will eventually build up to working out 8 times a week.. well that's the plan anyways!
Since starting doing stairs I have noticed a real improvement in my overall fitness. Things like jogging, walking, bending, mountain climbers etc are all a lot easier. I think it's do with the type of movement- they all consist of bending my knees and lifting my legs.
For me as a pear, my bottom half is the part that needs the most improvement, not that my top half is amazing but it's a size to two sizes smaller.. anyways because I have always carried so much weight there I have always felt uncomfortable running, jogging and generally moving that area. This of course just meant it got worse not better.
So now finally I am tackling this issue and challenging myself and my body!
Once again diet is being re tweaked. I really fell off the bandwagon last week after jumping on the scales and being hugely disappointed. This is why I don't weigh myself!!! Now that I am over my binge I'm back to being motivated to getting myself down to where I need to be.
While I love that I have changed shape and that people can see the difference, the scales are still not reflecting my commitment. And amongst other things I want the scales to say 70-75 kilos. I don't mind being higher than that if I feel like my body is in a good place, but I still think I should aim for a healthy BMI.
I had a taste of mixed martial arts last night and really enjoyed it. It was very different but really practical, in the sense that you could actually use the moves should you need to defend yourself. Something I find quite reassuring being a young female.
So let's see how the new work out routine goes and hopefully if all goes well I'll be adding in more flexible workouts- walks and jogs etc to the routine and maybe by the end of this year I might actually see some results on the scales as well.. one can only hope!
What did I change?
Well normally I work out 4-5 times a week between 5.30-6.30pm, this included 2 x PT sessions, 2x GX boxing sessions and an occasional stairs session.
But often what happens is something will come up at work or I'll be invited out by friends after work which often results in a) cancelling my session or b) missing out on being with friends.
Also recently I have started volunteering with my local shire to help with an October event and they meet at Wednesday's at 6.30 pm.
So to stop myself from the temptation of cancelling my sessions and so that I can enjoy some free time after work to meet friends and get those annoying chores out of the way I have swapped my 2 PT sessions from Mon + Wed @ 5.30pm to Tues and Thurs @ 6am.
For the first time I will be working out in the morning.. this is going to be interesting!
I feel good about it though because I am less likely to cancel in the morning and it doesn't change my routine too much at all. I already get up at 6, so now I just get up a little bit earlier for my workout and get to work later.
I eventually want to get into a routine of working out every morning, even if it is as little as a walk/jog around the block in the mornings. I'll start slow and will eventually build up to working out 8 times a week.. well that's the plan anyways!
Since starting doing stairs I have noticed a real improvement in my overall fitness. Things like jogging, walking, bending, mountain climbers etc are all a lot easier. I think it's do with the type of movement- they all consist of bending my knees and lifting my legs.
For me as a pear, my bottom half is the part that needs the most improvement, not that my top half is amazing but it's a size to two sizes smaller.. anyways because I have always carried so much weight there I have always felt uncomfortable running, jogging and generally moving that area. This of course just meant it got worse not better.
So now finally I am tackling this issue and challenging myself and my body!
Once again diet is being re tweaked. I really fell off the bandwagon last week after jumping on the scales and being hugely disappointed. This is why I don't weigh myself!!! Now that I am over my binge I'm back to being motivated to getting myself down to where I need to be.
While I love that I have changed shape and that people can see the difference, the scales are still not reflecting my commitment. And amongst other things I want the scales to say 70-75 kilos. I don't mind being higher than that if I feel like my body is in a good place, but I still think I should aim for a healthy BMI.
I had a taste of mixed martial arts last night and really enjoyed it. It was very different but really practical, in the sense that you could actually use the moves should you need to defend yourself. Something I find quite reassuring being a young female.
So let's see how the new work out routine goes and hopefully if all goes well I'll be adding in more flexible workouts- walks and jogs etc to the routine and maybe by the end of this year I might actually see some results on the scales as well.. one can only hope!
Monday, 22 July 2013
Inspiration: What keeps me going.
There are often days that you just wonder why? Why am I still doing this? Why do I put myself through this for no reason?
Why should I have to watch what I eat? Why should I have to exercise and be sore and tired all the time? Why, why why..
The reality is we know why. Or I know why. Because I didn't take care of my body. I didn't look after it, respect it, give it what it needed and deserved and I ended up overweight and over 100kgs before I took stock of myself and where I was going.
I realised that I did NOT want to be an overweight mother who couldn't run after her kids or who died early from a heart attack. I did NOT want to be the fat friend who constantly missed out on things. I did NOT want to say no because I was ashamed of my body.
And to make that happen means hard work. All the time. It means a lifestyle change, it means never going back.
But there are some days when the doubt creeps in, those days when everything seems too much and you just want a break or give up and cave in to your cravings and indulgences.
On these days it's good to stop, take a breath and remember why you started this journey in the first place.
For me it's about the above. It's also about me fitting into clothes that I've never felt comfortable wearing before (figure hugging clothing, a bikini, sexy lingerie etc) . It's about becoming the person I want to be, the person I see in my head.
I found this really great quote on a postcard today:
This is an example of what I would love to look like and wear. Though with a little more curves ;)
Why should I have to watch what I eat? Why should I have to exercise and be sore and tired all the time? Why, why why..
The reality is we know why. Or I know why. Because I didn't take care of my body. I didn't look after it, respect it, give it what it needed and deserved and I ended up overweight and over 100kgs before I took stock of myself and where I was going.
I realised that I did NOT want to be an overweight mother who couldn't run after her kids or who died early from a heart attack. I did NOT want to be the fat friend who constantly missed out on things. I did NOT want to say no because I was ashamed of my body.
And to make that happen means hard work. All the time. It means a lifestyle change, it means never going back.
But there are some days when the doubt creeps in, those days when everything seems too much and you just want a break or give up and cave in to your cravings and indulgences.
On these days it's good to stop, take a breath and remember why you started this journey in the first place.
For me it's about the above. It's also about me fitting into clothes that I've never felt comfortable wearing before (figure hugging clothing, a bikini, sexy lingerie etc) . It's about becoming the person I want to be, the person I see in my head.
I found this really great quote on a postcard today:
"I want to experience it all. At this very moment. Without hesitation."
Which I think sums it up pretty well what I want- without hesitation. I don't want to hesitate because of my weight or insecurities. And that's why I keep struggling, keep moving, keep exercising and eating well and moving forward. Because one day, I can say that is me.This is an example of what I would love to look like and wear. Though with a little more curves ;)
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Seeking balance and making new goals.
Lately I have been quite busy, with work and my social life, training and starting to date again.
It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.
Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.
A few things that have been happening lately:
I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.
I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.
I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.
I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.
I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!
I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!
Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!
This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D
As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.
It's left me feeling a bit scattered, unorganised and not in the right space mentally.
Thankfully for me starting this weekend I will get some down time and can finally relax and get myself on track.
A few things that have been happening lately:
I have started an online interior design course, which I just submitted my first assignment for and am now starting the second. It has been a few years since I studied and it's surprising how hard it is to get back into it, but I enjoy design and history, so I'm quite liking the course.
I am building a house. I am just finalising the home loan papers and then I have to start picking out my colours, ranges, tiles etc and all that. So that is going to be taking up some of my time and money. But it will be well worth it next year when I move into my own home.
I have started doing stairs with my trainer, this means that I am working out a minimum of 4 sessions a week, sometimes 5. It also gives me more variety and something else to try and improve. It is both disheartening and encouraging working out with women who are 10 years older than me and who are fitter and healthier than me. Thankfully they have also been on this journey a lot longer than me.
I have started dating again. Jesus, what was I thinking? It has been both nice and disappointing. Nice to know that there are genuinely nice guys out there and that I must have something going for me. Disappointing because I have yet to find anyone that I have a connection with. Plus there are some serious losers out there. Sad, but true.
I am slowly undergoing a make over. Longer more natural looking hair. Getting my nails done, and changing my style a bit. I want something a bit classier but still a little eccentric. I like my bows, buttons, patterns etc but time to tone it down a little. I want something more sleek and toned- kinda like the body I want!
I am trying to get my arse together and organise a few trips before I move into my house and have a mortgage. Hopefully go to Ireland, Canada and maybe Fiji or something. I want to do something because I know once I have a mortgage money and time will be hard to find and it will be at least a few years before I will be able to go travelling again!
Lastly, I have decided that when I move into my house I want to have a few of these things done. Like travel plans out of the way. Down to my goal weight (I really hope so!). Finish my interior design course. This is giving me some motivation to get things done- it's only a year away after all!
This year was/is for me and my personal life. Next year it will be about financial goals and getting some more experience/tools/training under my belt. Do some volunteering and work experience (interior design) and start looking at my career goals. That and I suspect I will be focusing a lot on DIY and craft things for my house. :D
As you can see a lot going on and a lot more to come. But I want to live life to the fullest so that means tackling things now, not later. Particularly as I want to have a family and who knows how that will affect my time and money.
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
Time for some photo's!
Anyway, last night a friend of mine posted some photo's up from over the last three years.. who know's where she has been storing them!
And I was amazed at the difference. Not just in style and in hair (in each photo I have different hair colour.. brown, blonde (reallly blonde) and to almost black.
So I just wanted to share that I am still going, still plodding along, changing one meal at a time, still working out min of 3 times a week, sometimes 4-5. Starting new things, getting better clothes, feeling better and generally taking more care in my appearance and looks.
It's all coming together folks!
So to cap, the bottom photo is about 2-3 years ago now. The top photo is still about 6 months old.
This one is from the other night :)
Monday, 24 June 2013
Facing your insecurities
Everyone has insecurities.
Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.
I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.
Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.
Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.
I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?' rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.
There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:
That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.
The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.
Talking with trainer last night and reading some of the blogs I follow this morning really made me think about my insecurities and how I am slowly overcoming them.
I've always been a bigger girl. Gaining weight in high school until I was about 105kgs. Then I went to Sweden for a year as an exchange student and lost 20kgs. I realised a lot about myself while I was over there. A lot about what was really underneath all the layers of fat and shields that I put up around myself.
Yes, shields. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I shield myself from so much because I'm scared of people's judgement and real thoughts about me. So I prevent myself from finding out. From going to the gym and being the only fat person there or being shut down by a guy I might like because he thinks I'm too fat. I have tried to cut myself off from the world.
Now losing weight again and becoming happier, more confident in myself and my strength and resilience means that I am slowly taking those shields down again.
I am trying new things, like burlesque classes. I am meeting new people. I say 'Sure, why not?' rather than saying 'Are you kidding me?'.
There are still so many insecurities and I want to start addressing them.. starting here in this space where I pour out all the words in my head. So hear goes:
That I'm not strong enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not fast enough.
I'm not smart enough.
I'm not patient enough.
I'm not graceful enough.
I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't deserve it.
I'm not a good enough friend.
I don't write enough.
I don't have enough faith.
I'm not funny enough.
I'm not elegant enough.
I'm not fashionable enough.
I'm don't cook from scratch enough. I'm not organic enough.
I don't 'play' enough.
I'm too scared to let my 'fun' side out in case people don't like me for it.
I'm too responsible.
The list goes on.. but I am slowly working through this. I am trying to set aside me time to address my issues so that I don't take it out on others and myself and derail myself on my weight loss journey.
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
Building blocks
Last week was a big week for me. Thursday night I sat down with mum and a man from Homebuyers Centre here in WA and by Friday afternoon I was building a house and had secured a block of land!
It's only a small block with 3x2 on it with a small courtyard out the back and double garage but for a young single person it's all I need right now.
I told my friends on Saturday night and they were equal parts excited and 'you crazy'. To them owning a home is too much of a commitment or simply costs too much. They look at me in surprise when I say that I managed to get my deposit together myself, it was just that the bank wanted me to pay my HECS (university fees) off first which I needed mum's help with.
I understand that they have higher living costs than I do. I live at home and contribute to bills and cooking and the food and all that but I don't pay rent.
On the other hand most of my friends are earning more than me or have been working for longer than me. I have only been full time for a year and a half. I'm 24 in September.
What it comes down to is motivation, focus and perseverance. I was lucky, I got used to living on a budget when I was at uni and haven't got out of the habit yet. Which means at the end of the first few months of working full time I realised I needed to set myself a goal or I wouldn't know what to do with my money. (Sounds silly doesn't it?) So I decided to get into the property market. Here in WA houses are EXPENSIVE and really hard to get into. There are just so many people wanting to buy at the moment (there were 12 other people who wanted my block of land!!). So I wanted to get in while I could and hopefully in a few years I'll be able to sell and move into something bigger... that's the plan anyways!
Now I want to use that same determination to losing the weight and making changes permanently. At the moment I have been trialing a few things but haven't found anything that I have really stuck to and got results. There are other things I want to do as well, for a more well rounded life balance.
So here are a few goals I have set for the next 6 months or so:
Save really hard. Yup I'll need all the spare cash I can get for things that pop up and for those initial moving in costs.
Stop drinking. I'm not usually a drinker, but lately I have had so many bdays and the like that I have found that I'm drinking almost every weekend. And I don't like it. So besides for my friends bday in June, I don't want to drink for the next 6 months. At least.
Cut back on the take away coffee. I usually will have a nice cup of coffee 2-4 times a week. That can mean $20 on a coffee a week! Sure I don't do this all the time but I need to get out of the habit of being tired and going and spending $5 on a nice cuppa in the morning. I want to get it down to 1-2 times a week initially and then down to twice a fortnight, or once a week.
Bring/ make my lunch at least 5 times a week. I have been training more lately which means in the evening I come home exhausted. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. I need to get in the habit of getting myself organised in the evenings as in the morning I just get up and go, go, go.
Get back into my craft zone. I used to do a lot of art and craft things when I was at uni and younger. Lately I feel that I need to get back in touch with these roots. Maybe I can even do a few artsy pieces for my new place?
I want to increase my incidental exercise. But it's also going into winter here and I hate the dark and being wet. So not sure yet how I am going to combat that.. will look into it further and report back!
It's only a small block with 3x2 on it with a small courtyard out the back and double garage but for a young single person it's all I need right now.
I told my friends on Saturday night and they were equal parts excited and 'you crazy'. To them owning a home is too much of a commitment or simply costs too much. They look at me in surprise when I say that I managed to get my deposit together myself, it was just that the bank wanted me to pay my HECS (university fees) off first which I needed mum's help with.
I understand that they have higher living costs than I do. I live at home and contribute to bills and cooking and the food and all that but I don't pay rent.
On the other hand most of my friends are earning more than me or have been working for longer than me. I have only been full time for a year and a half. I'm 24 in September.
What it comes down to is motivation, focus and perseverance. I was lucky, I got used to living on a budget when I was at uni and haven't got out of the habit yet. Which means at the end of the first few months of working full time I realised I needed to set myself a goal or I wouldn't know what to do with my money. (Sounds silly doesn't it?) So I decided to get into the property market. Here in WA houses are EXPENSIVE and really hard to get into. There are just so many people wanting to buy at the moment (there were 12 other people who wanted my block of land!!). So I wanted to get in while I could and hopefully in a few years I'll be able to sell and move into something bigger... that's the plan anyways!
Now I want to use that same determination to losing the weight and making changes permanently. At the moment I have been trialing a few things but haven't found anything that I have really stuck to and got results. There are other things I want to do as well, for a more well rounded life balance.
So here are a few goals I have set for the next 6 months or so:
Save really hard. Yup I'll need all the spare cash I can get for things that pop up and for those initial moving in costs.
Stop drinking. I'm not usually a drinker, but lately I have had so many bdays and the like that I have found that I'm drinking almost every weekend. And I don't like it. So besides for my friends bday in June, I don't want to drink for the next 6 months. At least.
Cut back on the take away coffee. I usually will have a nice cup of coffee 2-4 times a week. That can mean $20 on a coffee a week! Sure I don't do this all the time but I need to get out of the habit of being tired and going and spending $5 on a nice cuppa in the morning. I want to get it down to 1-2 times a week initially and then down to twice a fortnight, or once a week.
Bring/ make my lunch at least 5 times a week. I have been training more lately which means in the evening I come home exhausted. All I want to do is shower and go to bed. I need to get in the habit of getting myself organised in the evenings as in the morning I just get up and go, go, go.
Get back into my craft zone. I used to do a lot of art and craft things when I was at uni and younger. Lately I feel that I need to get back in touch with these roots. Maybe I can even do a few artsy pieces for my new place?
I want to increase my incidental exercise. But it's also going into winter here and I hate the dark and being wet. So not sure yet how I am going to combat that.. will look into it further and report back!
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Jumping straight back into it..
So I have been off for about a week visiting the family in rural NSW. I tell ya, we always put on extra kgs when we visit because all you do is eat, eat and eat.
Which is fine, I ate more but I also said no quite a lot too.
I also jumped straight back into training again on Friday night with boxing. I was a little worried because it had been over a week since I had had a solid training session, but I did fine. Really good actually. I have started to make it more and more around the park without stopping (Booyah!) and in the two minute rounds I can now do most exercises for two minutes without stopping.
So I felt good, I got straight back into it and now feel more settled knowing my routine is back to normal.
For me having a routine is very important, otherwise there is just too much to decide and change. Changes for me can often lead to bad choices.
I understand that not everyone sees a routine the way I do, but I was a bit surprised by the number of people who asked me when I got back from training if I was going to have a bit of a break before I started up again. (As in start on Monday, rather than Friday, or even later.)
For me it doesn't make sense to delay the inevitable, I have to go back at some point so I might as well jump straight back into it rather than putting it off.
Besides the sooner I get into it the sooner I can work off any excess that might have crept on while I was away.
The sooner I get back into it, the sooner I get out of 'holiday' mode. (And the better my body will be! )
I keep saying this lately, but I am really noticing big changes in my body and appearance.
I think this has something to do with the fact that I have also made the decision to stop buying so many clothes and actually wear the ones out in my wardrobe first... which means I am wearing clothes that have been in my cupboard for years but only pull out occasionally. ( So occasionally that it might be the first time I have worn it in 1-2 years.!!)
So the difference of how it fits is amazing. For example, I have an over sized blouse that I wear with a belt at the waist which I normally pair with a black skirt and leggings. This over sized blouse now is almost too over sized.
Other things that I have noticed is that pants and skirts are starting to get too big around the waist. Dresses are fitting me better, particularly around the bust and waist, but also around my hips and stomach.
I am actually wearing JEANS more often! Which if you have read any of my previous posts you would know what a big deal that is..
I have lost weight in my face, you can see my cheek bones more and weirdly my fingers as well... my ring now feels a bit loose!
All in all I feel amazing. The more I notice the better I want to look after myself, I want to take care of this body that I am slowly falling back in love with. I want to make sure I look my best and feel my best always.
This means that I have started making more time for doing my nails, my hair, my makeup. Making more time to pack healthy lunches and snacks. Making more time to look after my skin. Making more time to do more exercise outside of training, liking taking the dogs for walks. (OK, this might have more to do with the fact that there is a very good looking jogger on the paths at this time.. but it counts right? )
But this means I feel more confident and happy with myself. I feel strong and beautiful and I think others are starting to notice that more and more. I see it in how my friends act around me. I see it in the male attention that I have started to receive.
It is both amazing and saddening. Sad because now I realise how far gone I was before, and amazing because I feel like I've finally started to live life again!
Which is fine, I ate more but I also said no quite a lot too.
I also jumped straight back into training again on Friday night with boxing. I was a little worried because it had been over a week since I had had a solid training session, but I did fine. Really good actually. I have started to make it more and more around the park without stopping (Booyah!) and in the two minute rounds I can now do most exercises for two minutes without stopping.
So I felt good, I got straight back into it and now feel more settled knowing my routine is back to normal.
For me having a routine is very important, otherwise there is just too much to decide and change. Changes for me can often lead to bad choices.
I understand that not everyone sees a routine the way I do, but I was a bit surprised by the number of people who asked me when I got back from training if I was going to have a bit of a break before I started up again. (As in start on Monday, rather than Friday, or even later.)
For me it doesn't make sense to delay the inevitable, I have to go back at some point so I might as well jump straight back into it rather than putting it off.
Besides the sooner I get into it the sooner I can work off any excess that might have crept on while I was away.
The sooner I get back into it, the sooner I get out of 'holiday' mode. (And the better my body will be! )
I keep saying this lately, but I am really noticing big changes in my body and appearance.
I think this has something to do with the fact that I have also made the decision to stop buying so many clothes and actually wear the ones out in my wardrobe first... which means I am wearing clothes that have been in my cupboard for years but only pull out occasionally. ( So occasionally that it might be the first time I have worn it in 1-2 years.!!)
So the difference of how it fits is amazing. For example, I have an over sized blouse that I wear with a belt at the waist which I normally pair with a black skirt and leggings. This over sized blouse now is almost too over sized.
Other things that I have noticed is that pants and skirts are starting to get too big around the waist. Dresses are fitting me better, particularly around the bust and waist, but also around my hips and stomach.
I am actually wearing JEANS more often! Which if you have read any of my previous posts you would know what a big deal that is..
I have lost weight in my face, you can see my cheek bones more and weirdly my fingers as well... my ring now feels a bit loose!
All in all I feel amazing. The more I notice the better I want to look after myself, I want to take care of this body that I am slowly falling back in love with. I want to make sure I look my best and feel my best always.
This means that I have started making more time for doing my nails, my hair, my makeup. Making more time to pack healthy lunches and snacks. Making more time to look after my skin. Making more time to do more exercise outside of training, liking taking the dogs for walks. (OK, this might have more to do with the fact that there is a very good looking jogger on the paths at this time.. but it counts right? )
But this means I feel more confident and happy with myself. I feel strong and beautiful and I think others are starting to notice that more and more. I see it in how my friends act around me. I see it in the male attention that I have started to receive.
It is both amazing and saddening. Sad because now I realise how far gone I was before, and amazing because I feel like I've finally started to live life again!
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Staying Positive, being strong and most of all be HAPPY!
The weight loss journey can be a long and trying one. There are lots of ups and downs, emotional and physical battles to be fought. It can be hard on you and everyone around you. It can affect your relationships and change your lifestyle to something completely new and unexpected.
It can also be really hard to stay positive. Especially when you are particularly stressed/emotional/sick/tired/injured and just plain unmotivated. It could be that you're not doing as well as you like, or someone in your life is doing "better" than you. It could be that you have something come up, at work or in your personal life, which demands all of your attention.
The important thing is to stay positive. To think of the good, not the bad. To think of the future not the past.
I am probably the biggest girl at training, including boxing. Not necessarily the most unfit (or at least not that far behind) but probably one of the biggest.
Yes, that can make me feel bad. Especially when we run as a group and I come last. I am not a good runner. I hate it.
When they talk about how much weight they have lost, it can make me have negative thoughts.
When they talk about how dedicated and motivated they are I often wonder why I bother. I am clearly not on their level.
When they talk about their next challenge, to run 10km, to bench press 20kgs, to hold a plank for 2 minutes etc I think, I'm not even close to doing half of that!
And yet, when they talk about their journey, they talk about the 5kgs to go. The stomach or the arms they hate. The loose skin that they despise. The friends they have lost because they didn't understand. The calories they have eaten that day. The workout they are going to do to make up for having a bite of a piece of cake or a glass of wine. (I am not saying that they shouldn't work it off, just pointing out obsessed they can be.)
Do they talk about how happy they are? How great they feel? How far they have come? NO.
Do they not understand that there are hundreds of thousands of women that have never achieved what they have, and would be happy with just that.
Listening to them talk makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I am not pushing myself hard enough, that maybe I should just give up now because I will never be like them.
But then I think, I am happy. I am happy with where I am, who I am and what I am doing. I am committed to what I am doing, I am continually improving and getting better. But most importantly I am positive and happy in my life and it shows in my relationships and work.
I do not want to get to my goal weight and have it not be "enough". I am not one of those people that thinks that once I get to my goal weight everything will fall into place. It doesn't work like that. I know because I've been there before and I yet I gained weight and ended up at the beginning again!
I don't want to be miserable for the next 9 months and then once I've reached my goal suddenly be happy and want to go out with the friends I've ignored and might have lost because I've been focusing so much on me and weight loss.
Because it does take a long a lot of energy and time and effort to lose weight. BUT it is so much easier when you are happy. I have found that since accepting myself and leting myself be happy, committing myself is so much less effort. Yes I believed for far too long that because I was fat, I shouldn't be happy. I didn't deserve it.
It is so much more positive to be happy. It is less emotional guilt tripping and stressing because I have not reached a goal by a certain date. It is about being happy with the successes and continually improving so that there is only more to come. It is about enjoying myself, enjoying exercise and enjoying healthy food.
It is not about comparing myself to others. It is not about being disappointed in myself or thinking I am not good enough. I am good enough.
For everyone out there that is struggling: stay positive, be strong and be happy with your successes. Think of all those women out there who haven't even taken the first step to lose weight. Who might never have the chance to. Remember that there is always one person out there that will look at you and wish they were like you. Yes there is always at least one!
Fellow weight loss peeps will probably think that I am being unrealistic in my approach. That I am not being rational by not setting goals and reaching them, weighing myself on the scales every day and counting my calories every day. That I am too relaxed, that I am not disciplined enough.
Only time will tell right?
It can also be really hard to stay positive. Especially when you are particularly stressed/emotional/sick/tired/injured and just plain unmotivated. It could be that you're not doing as well as you like, or someone in your life is doing "better" than you. It could be that you have something come up, at work or in your personal life, which demands all of your attention.
The important thing is to stay positive. To think of the good, not the bad. To think of the future not the past.
I am probably the biggest girl at training, including boxing. Not necessarily the most unfit (or at least not that far behind) but probably one of the biggest.
Yes, that can make me feel bad. Especially when we run as a group and I come last. I am not a good runner. I hate it.
When they talk about how much weight they have lost, it can make me have negative thoughts.
When they talk about how dedicated and motivated they are I often wonder why I bother. I am clearly not on their level.
When they talk about their next challenge, to run 10km, to bench press 20kgs, to hold a plank for 2 minutes etc I think, I'm not even close to doing half of that!
And yet, when they talk about their journey, they talk about the 5kgs to go. The stomach or the arms they hate. The loose skin that they despise. The friends they have lost because they didn't understand. The calories they have eaten that day. The workout they are going to do to make up for having a bite of a piece of cake or a glass of wine. (I am not saying that they shouldn't work it off, just pointing out obsessed they can be.)
Do they talk about how happy they are? How great they feel? How far they have come? NO.
Do they not understand that there are hundreds of thousands of women that have never achieved what they have, and would be happy with just that.
Listening to them talk makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I am not pushing myself hard enough, that maybe I should just give up now because I will never be like them.
But then I think, I am happy. I am happy with where I am, who I am and what I am doing. I am committed to what I am doing, I am continually improving and getting better. But most importantly I am positive and happy in my life and it shows in my relationships and work.
I do not want to get to my goal weight and have it not be "enough". I am not one of those people that thinks that once I get to my goal weight everything will fall into place. It doesn't work like that. I know because I've been there before and I yet I gained weight and ended up at the beginning again!
I don't want to be miserable for the next 9 months and then once I've reached my goal suddenly be happy and want to go out with the friends I've ignored and might have lost because I've been focusing so much on me and weight loss.
Because it does take a long a lot of energy and time and effort to lose weight. BUT it is so much easier when you are happy. I have found that since accepting myself and leting myself be happy, committing myself is so much less effort. Yes I believed for far too long that because I was fat, I shouldn't be happy. I didn't deserve it.
It is so much more positive to be happy. It is less emotional guilt tripping and stressing because I have not reached a goal by a certain date. It is about being happy with the successes and continually improving so that there is only more to come. It is about enjoying myself, enjoying exercise and enjoying healthy food.
It is not about comparing myself to others. It is not about being disappointed in myself or thinking I am not good enough. I am good enough.
For everyone out there that is struggling: stay positive, be strong and be happy with your successes. Think of all those women out there who haven't even taken the first step to lose weight. Who might never have the chance to. Remember that there is always one person out there that will look at you and wish they were like you. Yes there is always at least one!
Fellow weight loss peeps will probably think that I am being unrealistic in my approach. That I am not being rational by not setting goals and reaching them, weighing myself on the scales every day and counting my calories every day. That I am too relaxed, that I am not disciplined enough.
Only time will tell right?
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Photos!
So I'm finally brave enough to post some photo's up here. There not so much as Before and After, as I am still not at the end of my journey. But I believe you can see how far I have come!
Before:
<I hate this pic!
Before:
<I hate this pic!
Now:
My arms are still big. But you can see that my stomach has shrunk a lot! Plus I have lost a lot in my thighs and hips. Which you can't really tell in this pics, but I'm no longer as "Pear" as I was!
Tuesday, 2 April 2013
Small milestones!
Just a quickie post.
Yesterday I had GX boxing with the girls. Before boxing we usually do a lap around the park to warm up.
I HATE IT.
I SUCK at running. I always have. Everything jiggles, my legs don't go fast enough or far enough and I breathe really heavy.
I have often been asked if I have asthma. I've never been tested so I don't know. I just think I'm overweight.
Anyways. Yesterday I jogged the entire park WITHOUT STOPPING! WOOOOOOOOO!
First time for everything :)
It's the small things like that that makes you feel proud, and the difference between where I was and where I am now.
Clothes are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and fitter and I am feeling better.
And it is that feeling that is the most important. Because my confidence in myself, my body, my personality, is returning and it is amazing. I am finally getting back to the real me. The me that has hidden behind walls and junk food and my layers of fat and shyness for the last 3 years.
Watch our world , I'm coming for you!
Yesterday I had GX boxing with the girls. Before boxing we usually do a lap around the park to warm up.
I HATE IT.
I SUCK at running. I always have. Everything jiggles, my legs don't go fast enough or far enough and I breathe really heavy.
I have often been asked if I have asthma. I've never been tested so I don't know. I just think I'm overweight.
Anyways. Yesterday I jogged the entire park WITHOUT STOPPING! WOOOOOOOOO!
First time for everything :)
It's the small things like that that makes you feel proud, and the difference between where I was and where I am now.
Clothes are getting bigger. I am getting stronger and fitter and I am feeling better.
And it is that feeling that is the most important. Because my confidence in myself, my body, my personality, is returning and it is amazing. I am finally getting back to the real me. The me that has hidden behind walls and junk food and my layers of fat and shyness for the last 3 years.
Watch our world , I'm coming for you!
Monday, 18 March 2013
Emotional Well-Being and Catching up with Friends
I was talking to a dear friend of mine on the weekend. We caught up on Saturday for movies and pizza, I ended up staying the night as I couldn't be bothered driving home at 12pm when I was tired. And then we went to a cafe near the ocean and had breakfast and after heading back to her place we chatted and before I knew it was 4pm!
(Then I had dash off and get home to get myself organised for the week ahead.)
So what has us talking for so long? Well besides family, life, friends, boys and all the usual things that come along, there was also weight loss and emotional well being.
Something that I have been accepting more and more is that I am happy. I am proud of myself, I am happy with the decisions I have been making, I am happy with my exercise and I am happy at where I am in life.
Partly this is to do with my weight loss so far, which while I do not weigh myself, it has become more and more obvious I am losing weight through my clothes and shape.
My happiness with myself is being reflected in my confidence and appearance and also my decisions and how I am with friends with family. Everything else just seems to be so much better. Decisions that might have made me depressed or upset or got me down a year a go are just so much easier to handle, they are just a bump in the road.
It is amazing how everything is interlinked. You look good, you feel good, so you are happy and this affects how you deal with things.
It also goes the other way.
Sadly, my friend is in a similar position to where I was when I first started this journey. She is unhappy, she is depressed, she feels guilty and hates herself for the decisions she makes that mean that she is gaining weight not losing weight, which just makes her more unhappy and everything else in life is just that bit harder and more stressful.
It's exactly how I felt when I first started. It took me a long time of thinking about how hard and long and how I don't have enough time to do anything else etc before I realised I needed to stop thinking and start doing. That meant I started going to the gym, and when the gym didn't work and I realised I needed something more, I started PT. Best decision I ever made.
So we talked about my journey, how hard it has been and how far I have come and how much it has been worth it. But most of all I made sure she didn't feel judged for how she is and how she is coping. I made her think about little things she could be doing and told her I still make mistakes today. That one day she will just have enough and start making the right steps.
I made sure she knew she could talk to me, that I would understand and not make her feel like a "lazy fat person who obviously doesn't try hard enough" because that's what we all have in the back of heads anyways, that that's what all those "skinny" people think of us. (Whether that is true or not is irrelevant, it's what we think.)
The reality is weight loss is not just about controlled intake and exercise = weight loss. It's about all the emotions and pain that got us there in the first place. And if you don't fix that then you will never maintain your loss once you get there, because you never really understood how you got to be so big in the first place and will make all those mistakes all over again.
I hope that if you have a friend out there that needs help and guidance that you will make them feel loved and understood and not mock them for their weight battles, because we are often our own worst judge and enemy and need support from our loved ones more than anything to help us take the first steps.
(Then I had dash off and get home to get myself organised for the week ahead.)
So what has us talking for so long? Well besides family, life, friends, boys and all the usual things that come along, there was also weight loss and emotional well being.
Something that I have been accepting more and more is that I am happy. I am proud of myself, I am happy with the decisions I have been making, I am happy with my exercise and I am happy at where I am in life.
Partly this is to do with my weight loss so far, which while I do not weigh myself, it has become more and more obvious I am losing weight through my clothes and shape.
My happiness with myself is being reflected in my confidence and appearance and also my decisions and how I am with friends with family. Everything else just seems to be so much better. Decisions that might have made me depressed or upset or got me down a year a go are just so much easier to handle, they are just a bump in the road.
It is amazing how everything is interlinked. You look good, you feel good, so you are happy and this affects how you deal with things.
It also goes the other way.
Sadly, my friend is in a similar position to where I was when I first started this journey. She is unhappy, she is depressed, she feels guilty and hates herself for the decisions she makes that mean that she is gaining weight not losing weight, which just makes her more unhappy and everything else in life is just that bit harder and more stressful.
It's exactly how I felt when I first started. It took me a long time of thinking about how hard and long and how I don't have enough time to do anything else etc before I realised I needed to stop thinking and start doing. That meant I started going to the gym, and when the gym didn't work and I realised I needed something more, I started PT. Best decision I ever made.
So we talked about my journey, how hard it has been and how far I have come and how much it has been worth it. But most of all I made sure she didn't feel judged for how she is and how she is coping. I made her think about little things she could be doing and told her I still make mistakes today. That one day she will just have enough and start making the right steps.
I made sure she knew she could talk to me, that I would understand and not make her feel like a "lazy fat person who obviously doesn't try hard enough" because that's what we all have in the back of heads anyways, that that's what all those "skinny" people think of us. (Whether that is true or not is irrelevant, it's what we think.)
The reality is weight loss is not just about controlled intake and exercise = weight loss. It's about all the emotions and pain that got us there in the first place. And if you don't fix that then you will never maintain your loss once you get there, because you never really understood how you got to be so big in the first place and will make all those mistakes all over again.
I hope that if you have a friend out there that needs help and guidance that you will make them feel loved and understood and not mock them for their weight battles, because we are often our own worst judge and enemy and need support from our loved ones more than anything to help us take the first steps.
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